I promise you
by Cowboys-and-coffee
Summary: What’s a broken promise between Derek Shepherd and Addison Montgomery? Derek’s about to find out it might just mean the difference between life and death. WARNING: Contains nongraphic rape.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've had this written for awhile in my head and I finally decided I needed to put it out there. Some parts may be similar to other stories (written by people whose works inspire me daily!) but I promise it is going somewhere different. It takes place after the S3 finale, so spoilers up through that. After that, I'm pretty sure none of this will actually happen on the show.  
**

**Disclaimer: I, of course, do not own Grey's, because if I did, believe me, season 2 would have had an entirely different ending.  
**

* * *

_She is lying on the floor, exactly where he's left her, paler than he has ever seen her before. So pale, so lifeless. He reaches out, touches her cheek, but she is just staring past him, seeing something he can't even fathom. He pulls her upright, lifts her into his arms, cradles her against his chest, his hand on the back of her head, which she nestles on his shoulder._

_And then it starts. Just like it always does. He feels her tremble. He feels his shoulder getting wet._

_Then the sound. Painful, gasping cries. Like she's breaking._

_He holds her tight. How could he have left her? How could he have even thought she would do something like that?_

_Her sobbing increases, and his grip tightens._

"_I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." Over and over and over again._

"_He said he loved me! He said he loved me!" She's crying so hard she's choking, but he understands her perfectly._

"_I'm never going to let him hurt you again. I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again. I promise. I promise._

"_I promise."_

* * *

Derek Shepherd's eyes flew open. It was happening again. That dream. 

_No. Stop it. It was years ago. It doesn't matter._

"Derek?" A voice spoke next to him, but before he could think, a loud ringing began in his ear and a thud echoed strangely in his mind.

Beside him, the bed began to move. Then a blinding light flooded the room.

A weight pressed on top of him, then the ringing stopped.

_What the …?_

_Oh. _

Reality began to set in. Morning. Alarms. Meredith's house. The bedroom door apparently being flung open.

The wedding. The fight with Meredith. Meredith leaving him. Him finally tracking her down. Fighting, crying, making love.

Derek groaned. It was all coming back to him.

"Cristina?" He heard Meredith mutter next to him.

Derek shut his eyes tightly. Fatigue weighed heavily on him Hadn't he just fallen asleep? And that dream. Why was he having it again now? He frowned, but before he could take a moment to sort it out, he felt his arm being pulled. And not at all gently.

Derek opened his eyes to find Cristina Yang trying to push him toward the edge of the bed. She was glaring at him in that way that she had.

"Cristina, what are you doing here?" Meredith spoke sleepily from beside him.

"My fiancé just left town. My wedding was just called off. I need my person," Cristina answered, then turned back to Derek and nudged his shoulder again. "Are you going to move? I need to talk to Meredith."

"I was sleeping," Derek grumbled.

"Yeah, well, I was just dumped almost at the alter. I win. So move."

One more whack from her and he was out of bed, heading for the shower.

He really didn't want to be awake. He wanted to crawl back in bed, with his girlfriend. It was a Sunday, for God's sake.

Derek sighed and ran his hands through his hair as he made his way down the hall.

_How did everything get so complicated, _he wondered as he stepped into the bathroom only to find Alex Karev standing in a towel in front of the mirror shaving.

Alex looked up.

"Dude," he smirked. "Don't you have your own bathroom?"

Derek was not in the mood. "Out."

"My bathroom," Alex repeated.

"I'm your boss," Derek returned.

"Whatever." Alex shook his head, but he turned and left.

Derek turned the shower on, cranking the water temperature to the hottest it would go. He needed to think. Things with Meredith were not going well, and he didn't know what to do. He had told her he loved her, he had told her he was in it, forever, that he couldn't, wouldn't, let her go. He had told her how much he loved her, and she had turned around and left him. Then at the church she had stood up there and told everyone it was over, and she was looking at him, and he knew. She was talking about them.

But he couldn't accept it. She had vanished, after her speech, disappearing in the crowds of people talking loudly amongst themselves, all shocked by what had just happened. He'd tried to follow her, but she was just gone.

So he'd gone to the hospital and waited. He knew she would show up eventually. And she had. He had looked up and all of a sudden there she was, on the catwalk above him.

He went to her. Walked right up to her and told her, "I'm not letting you do this."

He had been positive she was going to walk away, but she hadn't. She walked into his arms. And now here they were this morning. Together.

But were they together? He really had no idea.

A knock on the door interrupted his reverie. Meredith stuck her head in before he had a chance to react. His cell phone was in her hand.

"For you," she said. "Bailey. Said it's important."

"Why didn't she page?" Derek asked as he took it from Mer. She shrugged but didn't move, wanting to hear.

"Why didn't you page?" Derek said as he put the phone to his ear. "I do read my pages."

"Shepherd, maybe you should stop talking." Bailey's voice from the other end of the line was harsh and tough, like usual, but there was something else there. Derek frowned.

"Besides, it's an emergency," Bailey continued.

"That's what pagers are for."

"Not that kind of emergency."

"What?" There was a pause on the other side of the phone, and for the first time Derek felt uneasy. "Miranda, what's going on?"

"You need to get to the hospital now."

"Why? What's wrong? What happened?"

"What happened?" Meredith interrupted from the door.

"Something happened where?" Alex had joined Mer. Derek was pretty sure he saw Cristina and Izzie out there too.

"Miranda, what happened?" The nervous feeling was getting stronger; Bailey hadn't answered him.

Finally she spoke.

"She's asking for you. Lord knows why, after what you've done."

_After what I've done? What have I done?_

"Miranda!" Derek was growing frustrated now.

"It's Addison."

"What?"

"It's Addison." Bailey's voice was back to its normal tone. Derek relaxed. "She's asking for you."

"Tell her I'm off today."

"Derek ..."

"Tell her to find someone else. There's other neurosurgeons there, Bailey. I need a break. I'm taking a break."

"No." Anger reverberated through Bailey's voice. "You don't get a break."

"What? … Miranda ..." Derek ran his hand through his wet hair. It was five in the morning. What could Addison possible need this early in the day? And why the hell could she not call him herself? He seriously was beginning to think he was missing something here. "What is going on?"

He raised an eyebrow at the group huddled around the door. They all spoke at once.

"What?"

"What?"

"Is there blood?"

"Are there surgeries?"

"This isn't about a consult."

Derek barely heard Bailey through the others' questions. He shook his head at them.

"Ummm ...?" He still had no idea what was going on. "Then what? Because I'm a little busy. Can't she get Mark or Callie or … someone … to help her. I'm kind of …"

Miranda cut him off. "Shepherd. She is asking for you. I need you to get your ass down here now. This is not a request."

Derek had had enough. "Then tell me what the hell is going on!"

When Bailey spoke again, her voice was a whisper. But there was no denying the words that came out.

"I need you to come now, because she's been raped, Derek. Addison's been raped."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow, guys, thanks so much for the reviews!! Every single one made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Anyway, I just thought I should mention that my Derek is probably a little AU (just cuz I can't make him as much of an ass to Addie as he is on the show). So call it my creative license. Anyway, I won't ramble. I'll just let you read. I hope you enjoy it!**

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**Chapter 2**

Looking back on it, Derek Shepherd could barely recall what happened next. He would remember that it felt like he stood there forever, holding the phone in his hand, while voices beside him all talked at once.

"What?"

"What?"

"What's going on?"

"What's wrong?"

"Derek?"

He later thought that he probably did manage to whisper "Okay" to Bailey, and he thought that she said something about meeting him in the ER, but he couldn't be sure. He felt like he was in a fog. _This can't be happening._

Images were flashing in his head. Addison trembling. Addison crying. Addison in his arms.

And then he remembered the dream. But it wasn't a dream. And his words. His words were echoing in his head. _I __promised__ her._

Later, Derek wouldn't really remember how he got to the hospital. He was pretty sure the only he thing he managed to say to the others was "I've got to go." Somehow he made it down the hall, back to Mer's room and pulled on clothes. Then he was in the car and it was heading to Seattle Grace, but later he was pretty sure that was only because Meredith had somehow ended up coming with him and she was driving. She held his hand the whole way there.

Derek would remember thinking that was a little ironic, since he was pretty sure he hadn't told Meredith yet what had happened, and he didn't know how comforting she would be if she knew he was upset over his ex-wife.

It wasn't until they arrived at the hospital that things started happening that Derek would remember. Things that he would remember only too vividly for years to come.

They came in through the ER, hurrying past the one ambulance that was there and the few people gathering around it to unload victims.

"Derek." Meredith gripped his arm as they almost sprinted through the doors. "What happened? Something happened, didn't it? To Addison. Something happened to Addison?"

Derek stopped so fast he almost took Meredith down as he turned to face her, her eyes filled with fear. He still couldn't believe this was happening. _Bailey has to be wrong. She has to be._

"Why would you say that?"

Meredith tilted her head to the side. "The look … in your eyes … I just never … it's someone you care about, I can see that. And just … process of elimination, you know? Plus," she paused, "if it was someone else … Richard or Mark or George or … someone … you would tell us, but just … It's Addison, isn't it?"

Derek didn't answer her. He didn't know what to say.

"Derek?" Meredith reached out tentatively to stroke his cheek. "You can tell me. I want to help."

He took a deep breath. She was going to find out anyway.

"She … Bailey said … She …. She was …" Derek closed his eyes. He wanted to tell her. He did. He just didn't want to say it out load.

"Okay," Meredith kept stroking his cheek, this time grabbing his hand with her other one. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me. It's oh …"

"She was raped." Derek's voice was barely above a whisper, but he forced himself to open his eyes and look directly into hers.

"What? Oh, God. Derek!" Meredith's hand flew to her mouth. Then without another word, she turned, tugging at his hand and pulling him along behind her.

That's how they looked when they finally spotted Miranda Bailey and made a beeline over to where she was standing in a corner. She looked up as Meredith and Derek stopped in front of her. Bailey looked dejected, sad. Nothing like the tough Nazi they normally saw.

Bailey nodded at them. "You're here. Good."

"She's asking for me?" Derek said. "Why?" In the few seconds the fog in his brain had lifted enough so he could wonder about anything at all, that was the only question that had been going through his head. Why would she ask for him?

"I don't know, Shepherd." Bailey looked at him, and her trademark tone was back. "She's traumatized and in shock. She's scared out of her mind. I'm not sure she's really thinking very clearly."

Neither Derek nor Meredith made a move. They just stared at her.

Bailey sighed. When she spoke again, her voice was softer. "I don't know, Derek. I don't. It surprised me, too. I thought maybe she didn't remember …" Bailey's voice trailed off for a second. "But she remembers the wedding. At least I think she does. She nodded when we asked her.

"So I don't know. I don't know why she asked for you. But she's scared and she's traumatized and she's in really bad shape, and for some reason, right now she trusts you. So I need you to do something."

Derek nodded. "I'll do anything."

"I need you to convince her to let us examine her."

"What?" Derek frowned. "But she know …"

"She said no," Bailey said. She reached out and put a hand on Derek's arm. Meredith was still gripping his other hand in hers. "She's barely talking. She won't tell us what happened. She keeps asking for you. But every time someone makes a move to examine her, she says no. And that's it. That's all she'll say. So I need you to convince her to have it."

"Miranda …" Derek trailed off. He didn't know what to say. Hell, he didn't even know what to think.

"What happened? Do you know what happened?" It was Meredith who finally spoke.

Bailey shook her head. "Not really. I know the paramedics brought her in. The found her at the church."

"Oh my God," Derek whispered. His free hand clasped over his mouth as realization began to dawn. "I didn't even know she was there."

"This happened at the wedding?" Meredith looked stunned. Derek thought he saw tears starting to gather in her eyes.

"I don't know," Bailey said again. "A church worker went there this morning to get things ready. He found her. That's all I know."

"She was conscious?" Meredith asked.

"Not then. She's been in and out," Bailey said. "She's awake now. In pain, but awake."

"She has … other injuries?" Meredith gripped Derek's hand tighter, waiting for the answer.

Bailey nodded. "Bruises. Scrapes. I think her wrist is broken."

Derek finally spoke. "You think?"

"Like I said, she won't let anyone touch her. Not even to look at her arm. We're lucky we got her in a hospital gown before she woke up."

"So then you aren't sure?" Derek felt a flicker of hope inside him. Maybe they were wrong. "You aren't sure she was …" He could barely stand to say it.

"Raped?" Bailey finished. "We aren't sure she was raped? No. Of course we're not sure. But, Derek, you have to know. … She was naked, Derek. When they found her. She was naked, and they found her dress and it was ripped. And she's bruised and she's scraped. And there was blood between her legs. So, no, I'm not sure, but I am a doctor, and I've seen this before, and as much as I would like to think that I'm wrong here, I don't think I'm wrong. She was raped, Derek. I'm almost positive."

Derek nodded. "Okay," he whispered slowly. "Can I see her now?"

Bailey smiled softly. "Yeah, you can see her."

She turned around and led the way past gurneys and patients and nurses and other doctors, coming to a stop, finally, in front of an exam room.

"You should do it," she said to Derek. "We'll stay out here. We don't want to scare her any more than she already is."

Derek nodded, then turned to Meredith.

"You'll wait for me?"

"Of course." She looked at Bailey. "I mean, I have rounds. But I can …"

"You can stay, Dr. Grey," Bailey said. "And Shepherd?"

Derek found himself looking directly into Bailey's eyes.

"I swear to God, if you do anything or say anything stupid or thoughtless or do anything at all that can be interrupted as you being an ass to her … If you do or say anything to hurt her or scare her more than she already is or if you make her cry … I swear I will kick your sorry ass so hard you will not be able to walk for days."

Derek nodded. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he had no intention of hurting Addison in any way. Instead he turned around, took a deep breath, opened the door and stepped inside.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: What can I say? You guys are all just awesome. Thanks for the reviews!! You make me want to write faster!! So, without further adieu, here you go …**

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**Chapter 3**

She was on her right side, facing toward him when he walked in the door, curled into a ball, her knees pulled as close to her chest as she could get them, her left arm wrapped around them. In her right hand she clutched a blanket that had probably at one time covered her up but now barely covered her chest.

It was her face, though, that Derek noticed first. At least he noticed the bruises. They were everywhere, or so it seemed. The left side of her face was almost unrecognizable; already ugly purple bruises were beginning to appear, although underneath them she was whiter than he could ever remember seeing her. Her left eye was almost swollen shut, and even from a distance, he could see the dried blood on her chin and below her nose. Blood, he realized, that didn't get wiped away because she refused to let anyone touch her.

As he moved slowly across the room toward her, afraid to make any noise that might scare her, although her eyes were open and she was watching him the whole time, he noticed her hair. It was messy and knotty, but when he drew closer he realized the whole left side of her head was matted in congealed blood.

Derek had to force down the bile he felt rise up in his throat.

Surprisingly, Addison was the one to speak first.

"Derek?" It was a whisper, more a croak than a word, but he heard her.

"Hey, Addie," he said as softly and as gently as he could.

He was almost to her side by now. He reached out a hand in her direction. He saw her flinch, and only then did he notice she was trembling.

His arm fell back to his side, and he quickly stuffed his hands in the pockets of the dirty jeans he had somehow managed to throw on not all that long ago.

The woman in front of him looked nothing like the woman he once was married to. She looked so small, so fragile, so broken, so unlike Addison. The Addison he knew was tough and confident and strong. Sometimes almost too strong.

Derek felt tears sting his eyes, and he blinked to force them back. He could feel the well of emotions beginning to rise inside him, a mixture of anger and sadness, horror and regret.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, to force all the feelings back down. He couldn't do this now. Not yet. Addison needed him.

Addison spoke again.

"You … You came." Again he could barely understand her. He found himself wondering if he should go find her a glass of water or ice chips or something.

Instead he answered her. "Of course I came."

Even through the bruises, Derek noticed the small flicker of surprise that registered across her face, but she didn't say anything. Instead she just nodded slightly.

He was right next to her now, and he trailed his eyes from her face down the rest of her body. It was then he noticed her right hand. It was clenched around the blanket, just below her chin, almost as though she thought the blanket would protect her from the world. But it wasn't that that made him stop. There were bruises on her wrist. Small purple bruises. Like fingers. Derek started. _Someone had held her down._

For the first time since he'd gotten the phone call, Derek felt a surge of anger and pure hatred well up from the pit of his stomach. He had been too shocked, too stunned, too worried before, but now. Looking at her, he realized for the first time the full extent of what had happened. Someone had hurt her, and at the moment, more than anything in the world, Derek wanted to find that person and make them pay.

It was a reaction that surprised him. He hated to admit that, but it was true. He was so used to not having to worry about her, to not having to care. But this …

Derek closed his eyes, willing the urge to go away. He couldn't do this right now. Addison was scared. He needed to be calm for her.

Opening his eyes, Derek motioned slowly to the chair that was positioned just next to her bed. Addison didn't move, but her eyes followed Derek as he closed the distance between them and sunk into the seat.

For a few seconds, his eyes met hers, and they both just stared. To Derek it felt like hours, neither of them moving, Derek not knowing what in hell to do now.

Finally, he let instinct take over.

He reached out slowly, carefully, with his right hand and gently lowered it until his fingertips were resting on her cheek. He could feel her shaking, but she didn't pull away.

"Addie," he whispered over the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat. He moved his hand to her forehead, gently stroking her hair. "I'm so sorry."

He felt his eyes well with tears as he watched her watch him.

"I … I want … I want to go home."

He could understand her perfectly this time, but her voice was still so soft, so small. He had to lean in to hear her.

"Addie …"

"I want to go home."

He looked into her eyes. He had forgotten how much he had always loved looking into her eyes. They were so wide, so expressive, so beautiful. Sometimes they were a deep blue, but today they were almost as pale as she was.

"Addie …"

"Please?" It was more a whimper than a question.

"Addie, you can't go home yet."

He watched as Addison blinked, then looked down at her hand that was gripping the blanket.

"Why?"

Derek decided to change tactics. "Bailey says your wrist is hurt," he said softly, gesturing to her left hand, then resuming stroking her hair. "Does your wrist hurt?"

Addison didn't answer. He saw her bottom lip quiver.

"Can I look at it?"

Still nothing. But a moment later she nodded slightly.

Derek smiled at her, the best McDreamy smile he could muster. It probably looked more fake than anything, but he had a sudden urge to do anything he could to make her feel safe. He wanted desperately to ask her what happened, but he knew it would be futile at this point. Addison would never tell anyone anything if she didn't feel safe.

He ignored the voice in his head that wondered if she was ever going to feel safe again.

Instead, he removed his hand from her hair and brought it down carefully to her arm, which was still wrapped as tight as she could get it around her knees. Carefully and as gently as possible, he lifted it up.

He saw right away what Miranda was talking about. Already her wrist was turning a hideous shade of purple, and with one soft touch, he knew there were bones out of place.

He turned his attention back to her face, meeting her eyes.

"What if we get your friend Callie to fix this for you?" Derek spoke gently. "Would that be OK?"

Addison's lip quivered again, and Derek felt his heart break. He wanted to pull her into his arms, hold her tightly, but he knew that would only frighten her more.

It all felt so unreal, so unnatural. Derek couldn't remember the last time he had held Addison, had comforted her. He couldn't even remember the last time he had wanted to. So much had happened between them. Mark. Meredith. Work. Life. They were so different from who they had once been. So much had changed.

But for the first time since he had come to Seattle, none of that mattered. Someone had hurt her. Someone had abused her. And all Derek wanted at that moment was to help her

"Addie," he whispered. "Let me get Callie. She can help you."

"I want you."

"Addie …" Derek had no idea if she was talking in general or about her wrist.

"You came."

Derek lowered her arm back down, then reached up again to stroke her hair.

"I came," he said softly. "I'll always come."

"Why?" Addison was whispering.

"Because you asked me to." Before he could continue, the sound of the door opening echoed behind him.

Derek turned around to see Bailey making her way toward them.

"Shepherd, can I talk to you?" She gestured with her head to the doorway.

He nodded.

"No!" Addison's cry stopped him before he could make a move to stand up. "No!"

He turned quickly back toward her. Her eyes were wide, and she was struggling to grab on to him with her broken arm.

Quickly Derek reached out, returning one hand to her forehand and the other to her arm, trying to still her.

"Hey, shhhh. Addie. It's okay, it's okay," he said soothingly, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere."

He turned back to Bailey.

"I'm not going anywhere right now," he said.

She nodded. "Have you …?"

Derek shook his head. "I need more time. She needs more time."

"Okay." Bailey pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Do you want me to send Callie in? We can get a cast on that wrist."

Derek turned back to Addison. "Addie?" But she was already shaking her head.

"No," she whispered. "No. I want to go home. Derek, I want to go home. Please take me home. Please? Please?"

Derek kept rubbing her arm, as gently as he could, feeling a hand on his own shoulder.

"I'll be back in a little bit," he heard Bailey whisper in his ear. "I'll get everything ready."

Then she was gone, leaving him alone with Addison once more.

"I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I wanna go home …"

Derek sighed sadly. Addison was rocking slightly from side to side, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Shhh, Addie, shhhh," he said again. "I'm here. I'm here. You can go home soon. I promise. You can go home soon."

"I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I wanna go home …"

Derek closed his eyes. How in the world was he ever going to get her to agree?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I thought I'd give you guys a little break from all the really intense stuff. This chapter's a little lighter, but don't worry – we'll get back to Addie next time. **

**And all you reviewers, have I told you how much I love you? You guys are fantastic!**

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**Chapter 4**

Twenty-fours hours. How was it possible that so much had changed in twenty-four hours?

Meredith leaned her head back against the wall and sighed. She was waiting for Derek, like she promised she would, but the only thing that kept running through her mind was how these past twenty-four hours were turning more and more into a nightmare.

Twenty-four hours ago things had been so different. Twenty-four hours ago Cristina was a bride-to-be. Heck, twenty-four hours ago Burke still lived in Seattle.

Twenty-four hours ago they still had been interns. Now they were residents. Except George wasn't. At least Meredith thought George wasn't. In between trying to help Cristina last night and breaking up, getting back together, breaking up and getting back together again with Derek, she really hadn't had much energy left to fully understand why, by the time she and Derek had gotten back to her house late last night — well early this morning actually — Izzie had been standing in the kitchen, baking muffins and shrieking something about George not passing and probably off making babies.

Meredith sighed as she realized that was something she probably should care about. But she couldn't right now.

She decided to concentrate on her list again, but a door shutting broke her out of her reverie.

"Grey." Bailey was standing in front of her, peering down.

"What? … Oh, Dr. Bailey. Hi." Meredith got to her feet. "Is there … news? I mean, is she …? Did Derek … ?"

Bailey interrupted her. "Nothing yet. She's not ready. I need you to do me a favor."

"Sure. Yeah. Anything."

"I need you to go find Dr. Montgomery's file. Go find her emergency contact and call whoever it is."

"Okay," Meredith said, nodding. "Okay." She paused, as a strange thought raced through her head. It was possible, wasn't it? "What if it's Derek? Her contact, I mean? What if she didn't change it?"

"Grey." Bailey cocked an eyebrow at her. "Go get her file. And if it's Derek, then you obviously don't have to call him."

"Right. Of course. Right." And Meredith hurried along down the corridor, thankful she had something to do besides just sit in the hall on what was her first day not being an intern.

Meredith's task didn't take her long. Addison's contact wasn't Derek (Meredith felt a slight twinge of relief at that, which she then felt instantly guilty about); it was Addison's father. But he didn't answer when Meredith called. She thought it probably wasn't the best idea to leave him a message on his voicemail telling him his daughter had most likely been raped, so she opted for telling him that it was really important that he call the Seattle Grace emergency room as soon as possible.

It was on her way back down to the ER that she saw them for the first time. The new interns. They were following some of the older residents around. Meredith could see the grins on most of their faces. So excited. And nervous. And unsuspecting. There was one girl with short brown hair, who caught her eye. _Why does she seem so familiar?_

"Should we tell them what they're in for?"

Meredith whirled around to see Alex smirking at her. Behind him were Izzie and Cristina.

"God, no," Cristina said. "They need to suffer."

"Awww. I think they're kind of cute," Izzie said happily.

"Please," Cristina muttered.

"I can't believe that was us," Meredith said. "So much has happened in a year."

"Yeah." Alex snorted. "Like meeting McDreamy. Then McDreamy's wife. Then McDreamy picking the wife. Then there was the vet …"

"I hated the vet," Cristina said.

Alex continued. "And sex. At prom. Nice."

"Alex!" Izzie reprimanded. He kept going.

"Then dating the vet and McDreamy Then picking McDreamy. Then whatever it is you're doing with McDreamy."

Meredith laughed. It _was_ insane when someone put it that way. "But let's not forget," she said, figuring it was better to join in and laugh then get upset about it all over again, "about the bomb and the near-death whatever and dead mommy and dead fake mommy …"

"And you and Bambi," Alex said.

"Oh, God, please let's forget about that," Cristina groaned.

"And that's just Meredith," Izzie said as the four of them smirked at each other. It felt nice to laugh, Meredith found herself thinking.

"I can't believe it's been a year," Izzie said.

"Yeah, well, this is depressing, you guys. Don't people need to be cut open?"

Meredith frowned at Cristina. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"What do you mean what am I doing here?"

"Shouldn't you … I mean, are you okay? Don't you want to take some time, or … something?"

"No." Cristina narrowed her eyes. "I want. To cut. People. Open. I am a surgeon. That is what I do. I am not sitting home in my wedding dress and crying. I am moving on. I just need to cut someone. Now!"

"Okay, okay." Meredith backed away slightly. "Just asking."

"How about you, Mer?" Alex said. "What was the big rush this morning?"

"What?"

"Uhhh, Derek," Cristina said.

"Oh." Meredith stalled. How much should she tell them? She wasn't sure it was hers to tell. "It was nothing. Just a patient."

"Just a patient?" Cristina repeated incredulously.

"That was not just a patient," Alex said.

"Yeah, it was."

"No, it wasn't." Even Izzie was joining in. "He had this look like … like it was definitely not just a patient."

"You guys, really …"

"Hello, doctors!"

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief as Chief Webber suddenly appeared near them. "Now that are you're residents, are you too good for rounds?" he asked.

"No, sir."

"No, sir."

"No, sir."

"Not at all, sir."

"Okay, then." He nodded, turning to leave.

"How's Adele?" Izzie asked before he could get away.

The Chief turned back around. "She's good," he said, then looked thoughtful. "But that reminds me … have any of you seen Dr. Montgomery this morning?"

"Nope," Izzie said.

"No," Cristina said.

Alex shrugged. "Nope."

Richard frowned. "That's weird."

"What's weird, sir?" Cristina asked. Meredith hoped no one looked at her.

"I can't find her anywhere. She was supposed to have a surgery this morning, and she didn't show. And she's Adele's doctor, but she hasn't been by."

Alex frowned. "She missed a surgery?"

Richard nodded. "Well, I'm sure I'll find her."

Alex turned to Meredith. She felt her heart sink when she saw a glimmer of understanding pass over his face.

"I think Meredith might know," he said.

Richard, who had started to walk away for the second time, turned back around again. "What?"

"Alex," Meredith said, attempting a laugh. "What are you talking about? Why would I know?"

"Because," he said, his face suddenly deadly serious, "Derek got a call this morning. From Bailey. And it freaked him out. I've never seen him look like that, except once. When you," he inclined his head toward Meredith, "fell in the water. Except that was like 10 times worse. But this wasn't just a call about a patient. So unless Derek suddenly has relatives who showed up in Seattle …"

"Do you know where Addison is? Meredith?" Richard was staring at her. They all were.

"Ummm …"

"We're just going to find out anyway," Cristina said.

"Meredith, this is my hospital," Richard said. "If you know where one of my attendings is when I need her …"

"She's in the ER," Meredith said, her voice suddenly a lot weaker than she remembered it being.

"The ER?" Richard repeated.

"She was … she was …" Meredith put her hand to her forehand, forcing herself to just spit it out. They were right. They were going to find out anyway. "Bailey called Derek a little while ago. The paramedics brought Addison in. They think she's been raped."

"What?"

"Oh my God."

"Addison."

"No …"

They all spoke at once. Izzie looked horror-struck. Alex had turned slightly pale for a second before he shrugged it off, hoping no one noticed. Cristina looked thoughtful. Richard looked stunned.

"Oh, God … I told her to get a life," Richard whispered, more to himself than anyone as a look of horror crossed over his features. Without another word, he turned and raced down the hall towards the ER.

"Huh?" Alex said, pointing at Richard. Meredith shrugged.

"Is she okay?" Izzie's eyes were still wide. "I mean, of course she isn't okay. But, like, physically … how is she?"

Meredith shrugged again. "I don't know. Derek's in with her. I should get back. I told him I would wait for him."

"Yeah," Cristina said. "I need to go find someone to cut."

"Me too," Alex said. "I guess gynie's gonna need some extra help today."

"Yeah," Izzie nodded slowly. "Okay."

But no one moved. They just stood there, staring at each other, as the giggling group of interns reappeared and moved down the hall past them.

And once again Meredith found herself thinking, how could so many things have changed in just twenty-four hours?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: OK, so this got a little longer than I anticipated. But I didn't want to split it up and ruin the angst. So … sorry about that. But it's all Derek and Addie so you all should be happy.**

**And this is for CocaCola1052 because I promised her an update by Wednesday. And it's still Wednesday here in Texas!!**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Derek stole a quick look at his watch and tried desperately to stifle a sigh. Two hours. Two hours since Bailey had left them alone, and nothing had changed. They were exactly where she had left them, Derek rubbing Addison's arm and stroking her hair and trying to comfort her as best as he could, knowing it wouldn't make any difference because she was too terrified for it to make any difference, and Addison still lying there, curled tightly into herself, watching him. Sometimes her lip would quiver, and her trembling was constant, but she didn't cry. Derek knew how hard she was trying to make sure that didn't happen; Addison was never one to cry in front of people if she could help it.

She was barely talking either. Mostly she just watched him, and when she did talk, it was the same thing as it was before. She wanted to go home.

Derek felt himself growing desperate. How was he supposed to convince her to let them examine her?

"Addie," he started again, for what felt like the millionth time. "Addie, honey, don't you want …"

"What happened to me?"

"What?" Derek frowned. It was the first thing she had said in two hours that wasn't "I wanna go home."

"What happened to me?" She repeated. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I …" He paused. "I don't know."

"What do you think happened?"

"I don't know, Addie." Derek was at a loss. He had assumed ... She didn't know?

"I don't remember."

"What?"

"I don't … I don't remember … anything." Addison blinked, then returned her focus to Derek. "I don't remember," she whimpered, and he could see the tears starting to form.

"Hey. Hey." He brought both hands to her cheeks, rubbing his thumbs along them. "It's OK. You don't have to …"

"I was at the church."

He cocked his head. He wanted to say something, but instinct stopped him.

"At the wedding. I was there." Her voice was flat, soft, almost like she was in a trance. "I remember … I remember Meredith. … She came down the aisle. … She stopped and she told everyone … she told everyone it was over and to go home. … Everyone was talking. All the people."

Addison reached her good hand up slightly to indicate Derek.

"I remember seeing you," she said softly. "You looked sad. … So sad … You tried to go after Meredith, but there were all the people. … You looked sad … I remember.

"I tried to go to you. I thought I could help. … You were coming down the aisle toward me. … But you didn't see me. … You just … You just kept walking."

Derek felt his heart sink, and he had to struggle to keep eye contact with her. _She's right. I didn't notice she was there. How could I not have noticed she was there? _

"All the people … everyone was leaving … I thought I should go too. … I started walking … I saw Callie. At the back of the church. …Callie was there. She looked pretty. … I remember. She looked pretty. … I wanted to talk to her, but she was … She was busy. … She didn't see me. …So I went … I went outside …"

Addison trailed off, her eyes flicking back and forth. Derek watched as she scrunched her face up, concentrating, her eyebrows furrowing together. A wave of confusion spread through him. She was so scared, so upset, he had just thought it was because she knew. _But it's because she doesn't know. Maybe it's better that she doesn't._

Her face collapsed, dejection written across it.

"I don't … I don't remember … I don't know." She bit her lip. Derek went back to stroking her hair.

"It's okay, Addie," he whispered. "That was good. That was really good. You did good."

"But I …"

"You don't have to remember it all right now. It's okay. You did good."

"But I don't know what happened …"

"Addie, it's okay. You don't have to remember right now."

"Tell me what happened to me."

"Addie, I don't know."

"But you do know," her voice was getting higher. He could hear the frustration mixed with fear.

"Addie, I don't."

She didn't answer right away. When she did speak, it was ever softer than before. "You think I … You think he … that someone … that they …" She trailed off, but Derek knew what she meant.

He squeezed her hand. "I don't know, Addie. But we need to find out."

She was quiet. Derek decided to give it another go.

"Addie, do you think we can have them look at your wrist now?"

Addison didn't move for a second, her eyes focused on his. Then she shook her head.

"It's fine," she said softly. "It doesn't hurt. I'm fine. I want … I want to go home."

"Addison." Derek tried to make his voice as gentle as possible. "Addison, you are not fine. It is not okay. You need to let them look at you."

"But I don't want them to look at me! I'm fine." She nodded, as though emphasizing her point. "I'm fine. Really."

"Addie, please."

"No." Her lip was quivering again. "Noooo. I want to go home." This time she was pleading.

"Addie, if you do this for me, I promise you can go home. You just need to do this first."

"Why can't I go home now?"

"Because, Addie, you can't. We need to find out what happened to you. We need to make sure you're okay."

"But I am okay!" Her voice was getting higher again. "I told you. I'm fine."

"Addie, you're not fine."

"But I am!" And for the first time since she had been brought in, Addison began to cry. The tears that had been welling up in her eyes since Derek had gotten there finally spilled over and began making their way down her cheeks.

She blinked furiously and tried to reach her hand up to wipe them away. Unfortunately, it was her broken hand.

"Owww," she wailed as pain shot through her injured wrist. The tears started to come faster, and she started to shake.

Derek gently grabbed her arm, bringing it back down and tucking it protectively next to her stomach. He stroked her hair and waited. Sure enough a few seconds later she had managed to stop crying.

"Addie, I need you to be examined, okay?"

She shook her head. "But I'm fine," she whispered, her voice a little thick from the tears.

"I need you to be examined anyway."

"But why?"

"Because we need to know for sure, Addie."

"But I don't want to know."

"I know you don't. But we need to know."

"But why?" Addison was biting her lip, her good hand clenching the blanket to her chest as though her life depended on it.

"Because the person that hurt you, Addie, he's still out there," Derek said, and at once he knew how to get her to agree. Ignoring the pang of guilt that flashed through him for what he knew he was about to say, he pressed on. It was the only way. "He's out there, and he's going to hurt someone else. Just like he hurt you. But you can save them."

Addison blinked. "No I can't."

"Yes, you can. You can have the exam, and the police can get evidence, and then they can find him and stop him before anyone else gets hurt."

"But I don't want to."

"I know you don't. But I know that you will." He smiled at her softly, making sure to continue softly stroking her hair.

"Why?"

"Because I know you, and I know you're a good doctor. And you're a good person."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. And you don't want anyone else to get hurt, I know that." Derek took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Here went nothing. "And if you don't do this, then someday you're going to have a patient — an innocent little girl or a teenager or maybe someone's mom or maybe someone just like you — and they're going to be hurt, just like you are now, and they're going to need you to examine them and to operate on them, and you're going to know that you could have saved them but you didn't. And you're going to look at them and know that they got hurt because of you. And I know you don't want that. You would never want that. That's why I know you're going to do this."

Derek stopped. He couldn't ever remember feeling worse than he did at that moment. What was he doing? He was trying to guilt Addison into having a rape exam. Who does something like that?

He forced himself to open his eyes and look at her. Her eyes were closed now, and she was curled even tighter into herself, something he hadn't thought was possible.

"Addie?"

"But … but … but maybe he didn't hurt me?" Her voice was so soft, yet Derek could still hear the tiny inflection of hope.

"Addie."

"But I'm fine!" Addison opened her eyes, and he could see the tears beginning to pool in them again. "I want to be fine."

And then it hit him.

There were so many reasons Addison didn't want that rape exam. He knew that. She didn't want people looking at her, she didn't want people knowing, but more than anything in the world, she didn't want it to be real.

If they didn't do the exam, she could tell herself it didn't happen. She could tell herself that maybe she had just been mugged, maybe she had taken a really bad fall. Anything. Because anything would be better than what really happened.

"Oh, Addie," he whispered, because he didn't know what else to say.

"They're all going to know," she said sadly.

Derek nodded.

"They're going to talk about me …"

"Yeah," he said softly. "They probably are."

He wasn't going to deny it. It was true. People were going to talk about her; heck, the entire hospital staff probably already knew. Nothing stayed quiet at Seattle Grace. And then Addison, surgeon extraordinaire Addison, tough bitchy Addison, even adulterous whore Addison, was going to become Addison the rape victim. And, Derek knew, that apart from having to face the truth, that was the last thing she wanted.

"I can save them? My patients?" Addison's voice trembled. Derek reached once again to stroke her hair.

"You can save them," he said. "We can get evidence, and the police can find whoever did this, and they can stop whoever it was from doing it again."

"I … I'm scared … "

"Addie." Derek gently took her face in his hands and tilted her head so he could look directly into her eyes. "I will be here the whole time. If you want me to. And you can have anyone you want. Bailey can do it. She'll help you. Or Callie. You could have Callie. Anyone you want, okay? I promise. And when you're done, you can go home. I'll take you home."

"Really?"

"I promise."

Time seemed to stand still as the two of them just looked at each other. Finally, Addison nodded.

"You'll stay with me?" She asked softly.

"I'll stay with you."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Addison nodded. Derek breathed a sigh of relief, some of the tension draining from his body. He kissed her forehead.

"Good girl. I am so proud of you."

"I want Bailey."

"I will get you Bailey. Do you want someone else?"

"Does Meredith know?"

Derek frowned. "What?"

"Does Meredith know?" Addison repeated. "About … about me?"

"Yeah, Meredith knows."

Addison looked thoughtful. "You can get Meredith."

Derek started. He hadn't expected that. But he was going to do anything she asked.

He moved to stand up. Addison's hand shot out and grabbed his arm.

"Don't leave me!" In an instant, her face had turned an even chalkier shade of white. He could see the terror in her eyes.

"Addie." He reached down to remove her hand. "I'm not leaving you. Okay? I'm not leaving you. I'm just going to get Bailey. I'll be back really, really fast. I promise you. I'm not leaving you."

"I don't want you to go!"

"I know. I know you don't. I promise I will be back really fast. I'm not leaving."

"No! No! I don't want you to go!"

"Hey." Derek reached out and pushed her tenderly back against the pillows. "I'm just going out the door. I'll leave it open so you can see me. Okay, Addie? I will be back really soon. No one's going to hurt you, okay? I promise. I'm just going out the door. I'm not leaving you. I'm not. I'm not."

Addison stared at him for a few seconds, but finally she nodded. "Okay. You can go."

"I will be right back," he said, stroking her hair one last time. "I will be right back."

He dashed toward the door, wanting to hurry to keep his word. He almost crashed into Bailey as he stepped into the hallway.

"Shepherd!"

"Miranda! God, you scared me."

"So?"

He nodded. "She said okay."

Bailey let out a low whistle. "Good. That's good."

"Yeah," he agreed half-heartedly.

Bailey put a hand on his arm. "How's she doing?"

"Pretty bad," he answered, making sure to keep his voice low. He didn't want Addison to hear. "She's terrified. She doesn't remember anything. She wants to go home. I don't know how to help her."

"She doesn't remember?"

"She doesn't remember."

Bailey frowned. "Does she know … what happened to her?"

Derek sighed. "Yeah. She knows. She doesn't want it to be real, but she knows."

She nodded. "Okay. Okay."

"She wants you to do the exam."

"I thought she might."

"And Meredith."

"Meredith?"

"Yeah." Derek nodded. "She asked for Meredith."

Bailey raised an eyebrow. Derek shrugged.

"Okay," she said.

"I should get back to her." He tilted his head in the direction of her room.

"I'll get Grey. We'll be there in a second."

Derek turned to head back in, but then thought of something else.

"Miranda!" he called softly.

She turned. "Yes?"

"Do they know? People, I mean. Do people know?"

Bailey smiled sadly. "The Chief knows. He wants to see her. Crazy fool, mumbling about needing to talk to her. But don't you worry," she continued when she noticed Derek open his mouth to speak, "I threatened him to stay away until she's ready."

Derek almost laughed "Thanks."

Bailey moved closer, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"You're doing good," she said. "Helping her. She needs you. She needs someone."

He smiled wryly. "I'm trying. I just don't know how much I can do."

Bailey gave him a soft smile. "You won't have to do it by yourself much longer."

Derek frowned. "What?"

"We called her father."

Derek felt his heart stop. _They called her father?_

"You called her father?"

"Yeah," Bailey raised an eyebrow. "He's her emergency contact. Is there something wrong?"

Derek forced himself to smile. "Of course not."

"Okay, then." Bailey nodded, turned and walked away.

Derek forced himself to remain calm. _They called her father? What if he shows up? No, that's crazy. He's never showed up for anything before, right? Why would he do it now?_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey, guys. Sorry for the slow update. But I wanted to do this chapter justice. Hopefully the next one will be a little faster! **

**I apologize in advance if any of the details in this are wrong. I did a lot of research, but luckily I've never been through anything like it myself so I had to take some creative license.**

**And to all my reviewers, you guys know how much I love you all. Enjoy!!**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

"Addie, sweetie, look at me." Derek spoke softly to the redhead in the hospital bed, resuming his place in the chair next to her. In the time he had been talking to Bailey in the hall, Addison had managed to roll over so her head was buried in the pillow. Her knuckles were white from gripping on to the blanket, and she was trembling violently. Gently, Derek reached out and stroked her hair.

"Addie, sweetheart, I want to talk to you."

It seemed like an eternity, but finally Addison very slowly rolled over so she was lying on her back again. The trembling, however, continued, and her grip on the blanket remained as tight as it was before.

"Addie, are you sure?" He asked softly.

Addison stared at him, a look of confusion in her eyes.

"About Meredith, I mean," Derek said. "Are you sure you want Meredith?"

Addison opened her mouth to speak, stopped, closed it, then tried again.

"I need an intern, right?" She said quietly.

Derek stared at her, then shook his head. "Oh … no … Addie. Addie, no, it's okay. You don't have to. You can have whomever you want. I can get Callie for you."

"You trust her."

"What?" Derek cocked his head to the side,

"You trust her. Meredith." It was a statement, not a question.

Derek nodded. "Yes."

"I trust you." Addison blinked slowly as she looked at him, instinctively bringing the blanket up closer to her chin, as though afraid what he would say next.

"I …" Derek wasn't really sure how to answer. "That's good. Because I want to help you."

"I trust her too."

"Really? I mean …" That wasn't what he had meant to say, but it didn't seem to bother Addison.

"It's okay," she said.

Derek was getting a weird feeling. "Addie …" he started, hesitantly. "Did something … happen … between you and Meredith?"

"It's okay," she repeated again, but before he could get a chance to ask her more, the door opened, revealing Bailey and Meredith, Meredith's hands full with what Derek knew was the rape kit and a couple of blankets. He felt the bile rise in his throat as the full impact of what was about to happen hit him.

Bailey moved across the room toward them. "Hi, sweetie," she said softly to Addison. Addison's only response was to turn her head to Derek, terror shining in her eyes. Derek reached down and, unhinging her fingers from the blanket, pulled her hand into his. She gripped him back, her nails already digging into his flesh.

Meredith and Bailey moved to the end of the bed, Meredith managing to muster what she was hoping was a small, encouraging smile but looked more like a grimace.

"We're going to be as gentle as possible," Bailey said to Addison. "Okay? I know this is scary and I know it's going to hurt, but we're going to be as quick as we can."

Addison nodded slightly. Derek wondered if it was his imagination or if she really was paler than she had been even moments before.

"You're doing a really brave thing, Doc … Addison," Meredith said, quickly changing course to make Addison feel more comfortable.

"You are," Bailey agreed. "We're going to take care of you, okay? And at any time if you want to take a break or need to rest, you let us know, alright?"

Addison didn't answer.

It was time to get started.

Derek watched as Bailey gently lifted Addison's legs, placing them in the stirrups. Meredith handed her a blanket, and Bailey carefully laid it over Addison's lower half, adjusting it in such a way that she had a good view.

"Addison," Bailey said softly. "I'm going to do the exam, and Meredith's going to help with all the evidence. I know you don't remember what happened, and that's okay. We can put down what you do remember.

"Derek can help with that," she added quickly, patting Addison leg. "But I do have to ask you something before we start."

Derek squeezed Addison's hand.

"Addison," Bailey started, then took a deep breathe, as though she were preparing herself for what was coming next, "have you had sex with anyone else in the past 72 hours?"

Addison's eyes flicked to Derek's. "No," she murmured, so soft Derek had to repeat it in order for Bailey to hear.

"Okay," Bailey said, then picked up the speculum Meredith handed her.

It was far more painful to watch than Derek could even have imagined. He had been present for rape exams before; he'd even conducted a couple. Every time he had tried to be as compassionate and understanding as possible. But the feelings of remorse and sadness those exams had brought up in him were nothing compared to watching it happen to Addison. He literally felt sick and nauseous. The anger that he felt before, at the unknown assailant, was rising up again. The pain that person had already put her through, and now was putting her through again, was overwhelming.

A couple times already Derek had to fight off the urge to cry, to swallow the lump in his throat. It appeared Bailey and Meredith were having to do that, too.

He watched as Bailey performed the pelvic exam, whispering things to Meredith who wrote them down. Meredith's eyes stayed focused on Bailey and the paper in front of her, but finally she looked up, her eyes meeting Derek's across the bed.

He had known, the second he had seen Addison, he had known, but there was a part of him that had hoped that maybe, just maybe, she hadn't been raped. But the instant he met Meredith's eyes, that hope vanished. Meredith looked at him and nodded slightly. Derek knew she was giving him the answer to his unasked question.

He closed his eyes, willing himself not to give in to the flood of emotions he could feel inside him. Anger and pain, disbelief and sadness. Instead he concentrated on Addison, holding her hand, stroking her hair. Addison was staring at Bailey, wide-eyed, biting on her lip so hard Derek thought she was going to make herself bleed. She wasn't crying and she hadn't said a word since Bailey had started, but a couple times he heard her whimper softly and her nails dug a little harder into his hand.

Finally Bailed pulled back.

"Okay," she said gently. "We're done with that part. Addison, you're doing really great. Now we just have to collect some samples."

Bailey turned to Meredith.

"Wait!"

All three heads spun to face Addison. She was staring at Bailey and trembling so badly Derek could visibly see her shaking.

"Addison?" he said.

She kept her eyes on Bailey. "I … I need … I want …I … Did …I …" Addison trailed off, her eyes shifting downward to stare at the blanket covering her chest.

They all knew what she was trying to ask.

Bailey took in a deep breath, then stood up, coming around the side of the bed where she stopped just behind Derek. She reached down and gently touched Addison's hand that Derek was holding. Meredith moved to Addison's other side and laid her hand softly on her other arm.

Addison raised her eyes to meet Bailey's. "No-o-o …"

"I'm so sorry, Addison," Bailey said.

Addison's eyes flicked between the three of them. Tears sprang to her eyes and she shook her head furiously. "No!" she said loudly.

"Addison, I'm so sorry," Bailey said again.

"No! Maybe you did it wrong? Maybe …" Addison stopped talking as she took in the pained expression on Bailey's face. Slowly she turned her head to look at Meredith's equally pained expression and then she shifted so she was facing Derek.

"Oh, Addie." Derek could barely talk. His throat felt so dry.

Without warning, Addison jerked both her hands out of all their grips, quickly shoving the palms of her hands into her eyes. She lunged to the side closest to Meredith, trying to turn over, probably to hide, but her legs still in the stirrups prohibited her and she let out a cry, loud and pained and the worst thing Derek had ever heard.

The three doctors watched as Addison pressed her hands harder against her eyes, her shoulders heaving, her breath coming shallow and quick. Finally Bailey nodded toward Meredith, then toward the door, leaning in to whisper to Derek, "We'll give you a minute."

The two of them left the room without another word. Derek stood up and made his way to the other side of the bed, bending down so he was eye level with Addison.

"Addie?" he said gently. He reached out slowly, letting his fingers barely skim over hers, touching her only enough so she would know he was there.

Addison took a few more quick breaths, until slowly she dropped her hands from her face. She was blinking furiously as tears glistened in her eyes, little droplets of water clinging to her eyelashes. Her bruised and swollen left eye looked even puffier after the pressure she had put on it.

"Tell me it's not true," she whispered. Derek took both her hands in his.

"I wish I could."

"But … but Derek … what do I do now?" Addison peered up at him. She looked so sad, so broken, Derek had an urge to pull her into his arms and hold her, but he wasn't sure she was ready for that, so instead he squeezed her hands.

"You're doing what you're supposed to do," he said. "You're letting them examine you. The rest … the rest we figure out later. We take it one minute at a time, okay?"

Addison nodded. Derek let go of her injured hand to brush away a few tears that were making their way down her cheek.

"It's okay to cry, Addie."

"I want to go home."

"As soon as you're done."

"I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be alone."

"Will you… will you come with me?"

"I don't …" He stopped as the door opened, and Bailey and Meredith walked back in.

"Okay?" Bailey said, and Derek nodded.

He stood up and returned to his original spot by Addison's other side, and Bailey and Meredith moved back to the end of the bed.

"Okay, Addison," Bailey started. "We have to get some samples now."

Bailey and Meredith worked fast. Derek watched as Bailey started to gather the evidence for the rape kit, taking swabs from between Addison's legs and asking her to chew on a piece of paper and spit on to a piece of gauze so they could get samples of her saliva to compare to any other fluids they might find. Derek wasn't sure Addison should be watching all of this, but when he whispered to her to lay back and close her eyes, she didn't move. He wondered if she'd heard him at all and decided to just let her be.

The silence in the room was palpable, the tension broken only by the sounds of Addison's still ragged breaths, the tinkering of instruments, the scribble of Meredith's pen and the sound of Bailey's voice, issuing instructions to Meredith or telling Addison what she was doing next.

They had to brush her hair, to collect any evidence that might be there, as well as have more DNA to compare everything to. Derek let go of Addison's hand with his left one, making sure to keep holding on with his other, and slid his arm behind her back. He felt her body tense as he touched her, and he swore she trembled even harder.

"I've got you," he whispered as he gently pushed her forward off the pillow, so Meredith had full access to her head.

Meredith took the brush to Addison's long red strands, most of them now tangled and dirty and mixed with dried blood, Addison whimpering softly when the brush snagged a knotty patch.

"I'm sorry." Meredith patted her on the arm. Derek noticed Addison flinch at the contact.

Bailey moved up beside Derek.

"We need to pull a couple strands of hair for a comparison, Addison," Bailey said. "You can do it if you'd like."

Addison turned her head to Derek and shook her head.

"No," she whispered. It was the first thing she had said since they had resumed the examination.

Bailey smiled at her, although Derek noticed the motion didn't spread past her lips.

"That's okay. We can do it."

Together Bailey and Meredith tugged out a couple of pieces of hair from different spots on her head. Then they moved back down between her legs, this time collecting samples of pubic hair.

Addison didn't make a sound, but Derek saw a drop of blood slip down her chin as she bit down hard on her lip.

They took fingernail clippings next, Meredith lifting Addison's hands one at a time to first scrape under her nails, then trim them and bag the samples. Bailey helped Meredith hold Addison's broken arm when they did that one, Derek swallowing quickly when he realized how swollen it was getting. Derek kept hold of her good hand when Meredith switched to his side, bringing his hand down so he was gently fingering Addison's palm, leaving her fingers for Meredith to work with.

The photographs were the worst. Derek knew they had to take them, and he knew Addison knew too. She almost seemed frozen as Bailey snapped photos of the bruises on and between her legs, on her arms, across her back and covering her face. But it was when Derek and Meredith slowly worked together to slide Addison's hospital gown down her arms so Bailey could get pictures of the bruises on her chest that Addison began to cry.

"Addie," Derek said sadly as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"I don't want to do this any more." She instinctively moved her arms to cover her bare breasts, turning so she was looking only at Derek and no one else. "Please?"

"Hey." Derek leaned over and pressed his fingertips lightly to her temple. "You're doing so good. You're almost done."

"But I … I … I want to stop." Her voice hitched, and she drew her arms even tighter around herself.

"I know. I know you do, Addie. But you're almost done." Derek moved his fingers down to wipe some of the tears off her cheeks.

Addison shook her head forcefully. "No-o-o-o …."

"Addie, please," he whispered. "It's okay. You're almost there. And look – Meredith will turn around. She won't watch …"

"I'm turning around now," Meredith said.

"… and Bailey will just take a couple pictures. It will be really fast. All you have to do is close your eyes and squeeze my hand, and it will be over really soon. I promise."

Addison seemed to be studying him. Through her tears, he watched as her eyes scanned his face, then looked directly into his, almost as though she were looking for the answers to something only she could see.

Finally she nodded. But she didn't move.

Derek took that as a yes and gently dropped his hands to her shoulders, pressing her back into the pillows.

"Close your eyes, Addie," he said, and this time she complied.

After a brief nod from Bailey, Derek slowly loosened Addison's fingers from where she was gripping her arms and, one arm at a time, he pulled her hands away from her chest and brought them back down to her sides, making sure to keep her right hand cradled in his.

Bailey kept her word; she was done in a matter of seconds. But Derek barely noticed. Instead he was focused on the purple welts that were forming along her breasts and the huge bruise that seemed to cover her entire left side. Bailey noticed it too.

"Broken rib?" she whispered to him, pointing.

"Are you … are you done?" Addison's small voice brought Derek back to reality.

"We are, Addie. You did really good."

He pulled his eyes away from her bruises and instead focused on helping Bailey slide her hospital gown back up to where it belonged, then sitting her up and tying it in place behind her.

"We're done?" Addison asked hopefully once they had her positioned back against her pillows once again.

"We just need to draw some blood," Bailey told her, again forcing a smile on to her face. "And I'm going to give you a couple shots, to prevent any STDs, okay? And Meredith can give you the morning-after pill so you don't get pregnant."

Addison made a choking sound, a low guttural noise that Derek almost thought was a laugh. Bailey, Meredith and Derek all looked at her.

"Addie?" Derek asked.

"It doesn't matter," she said, avoiding his eyes.

He frowned. "Addie?"

But she didn't answer.

"Just get it for her," Bailey said to Meredith.

A few minutes later, blood had been drawn, Addison had been given her shots and she'd even swallowed the pill Meredith had handed her without question.

"I can go home now?" Addison turned to Derek, and he almost thought he saw a glimmer of hope on her face.

He forced himself to smile. "You can go home now."

"Actually," Bailey's voice sounded behind him. "She can't."

"What?" Derek turned to look at Bailey.

"But Derek said …" The hope in Addison's eyes had died, replaced in an instant with a new set of tears.

"You need to get that wrist of yours examined," Bailey said.

Addison shook her head. "No. It's okay. It's fine."

"Addison."

"It's fine. Really." Addison stared at Bailey, as though she were trying to force her to see things her way.

Bailey took the bait. She leaned in, so she was staring directly back at Addison, and when she spoke all traces of the sweet and tender Bailey had vanished.

"Listen to me, young lady. That hand is not fine. And no matter how many times you tell me it is, it is not going to make it fine. So you are going to get that wrist X-rayed and get it in a cast, and you are not going to argue with me. Because there is no way in hell that I am letting the best damn neonatal surgeon in the country leave here with a broken wrist. There are babies to be saved and mothers who need surgery, and I sure as hell am not going to tell them that our star surgeon can't work on them because she was too darn stubborn to get her own wrist taken care of."

Bailey leaned in a little farther, but this time her voice was softer.

"Addison, I know you've been through a lot. And I know someone hurt you really badly today. That person stole a lot of things from you. Don't let them take this too."

Then without another word, Bailey pulled back and headed to the door.

Once she was gone, Addison turned to Derek.

"Okay. I'll do it."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey all, thanks so much again for all the reviews. You guys are love. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Don't worry; it's a little less intense than the previous one!!**

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**Chapter 7**

"Derek?"

Addison's soft voice broke through Derek's reverie. He had been staring at the door, waiting for Bailey to come back with the pain medication and sedatives she wanted to give Addison to help her once she got home. He needed to go talk to Meredith. He wanted to go talk to Meredith. But he was nervous about leaving Addison alone; she hadn't taken to the idea very well when he had suggested it earlier.

He had intended to go find his girlfriend while Addison had her wrist X-rayed and put in a cast, but when he had told Addison he would see her after, she had panicked, clutching at his shirt with her good hand, tears instantly swimming in her eyes.

"Please don't leave me!" she'd cried, and his heart had ached at the thought. So he'd stayed.

Bailey had tried to get Callie to examine her wrist, but that was another thing that hadn't gone over well with Addison.

"No," she'd whispered, shaking her head when Bailey mentioned going to page Callie.

"No?" Bailey's eyes had narrowed, and she'd met Derek's over Addison's head. Addison had been playing with the edge of the blanket that was covering her, and she hadn't looked up. Derek actually thought she had kept her eyes downcast on purpose.

"Addison," he'd said gently. "What's wrong? I'm sure Callie won't tell anyone."

"She's mad at me." Addison's voice had been so low he hadn't been sure he'd even heard her. But when he saw Bailey frown, he knew he had.

"Addison," he'd said again. "I'm sure she's not …"

"She hates me." Addison kept playing with her blanket, twisting it in her fingers.

"Addison …"

But she had been insistent, and finally it was easier just to agree to take care of her themselves rather than try and figure out what had happened between Addison and Callie and reassure Addison that they were sure that Callie would want to help her no matter what it was she had done.

Yet even taking care of her themselves had been a challenge. Once it had dawned on Addison that they actually had to take her to get the X-rays, which meant moving her down the hall, she had panicked again.

"But I don't want anyone to see me!" she'd said and pulled her blanket up to her chin, as if it would protect her from prying eyes.

It had taken ten minutes and Derek's soothing words to get her to agree, but they finally got her settled on the gurney and covered her up so completely that the only part of her body anyone could see was her eyes. The halls had been pretty empty, luckily, and the few people who had been around received an evil eye from Bailey along with a hand gesture threatening them to back up and not say a word.

They'd given her a CT instead of X-ray, deciding it was better to thoroughly check her. It was good news. Her wrist was broken in two places, but they were clean breaks. ("Six weeks in a cast, and she should be fine," Bailey had said.) She had two fractured ribs, but no internal bleeding, no concussion. Physically she would be fine in a few weeks time. Mentally and emotionally, that was a whole other story.

"Derek?"

Derek blinked as he realized Addison had been calling him. He turned to her and tried to force a smile. She was staring at him, her blue eyes watery, her lip trembling again. Her broken wrist was wrapped in a cast, and her arm was in a white sling. Her good arm was wrapped around her injured one, almost cradling it against her chest.

"Yes, Addie?"

"I can go home now?" Even through the tears, he could see the hope in her eyes.

Derek reached out and laid his hand over her good one. "Yeah. I just need to go fill out some paperwork for you, and you need to sign a couple things, and then you can go."

Addison nodded. "Derek?"

"Yes?"

She dropped her eyes from his, and he saw her hesitate.

"Addie?"

She took a deep breath, opened her mouth to talk, then stopped. Instead she bit her lip.

"Addie, what is it? You can tell me."

She took another breath, but kept her eyes down. "I don't want to go home alone," she finally whispered.

"You're not going to be alone, Addie."

She looked up, peering at him almost inquisitively for a second. Then she dropped her eyes again.

"Addie?"

"Are you … will you …?" She trailed off, her eyes focused on their two hands entwined together on top of her cast, Derek's on top of hers.

"What, Addie? You can tell me."

"Willyoucomehomewithme?"

She spoke so quickly Derek didn't understand what she said.

"Addie? Tell me again, sweetie."

She finally looked up. "Will you come home with me?"

A tear spilled down her cheek, and a pain shot through Derek as he realized just how hard that sentence was for her to say. She had wanted him, and only him, when she'd woken up in the hospital a few hours before, but this was different. Derek knew she was scared he was going to tell her no. And the worst part was, he didn't even know how to answer.

Luckily, he didn't have to. The door opened and Bailey stepped in.

"Shepherd." Bailey gestured toward the door with her head. "Can I see you for a second?"

Derek nodded. He turned back to Addison and gently rubbed her hand. She was again staring fixedly at her hand, her hair hiding her face from him, and he had a horrible suspicion that if he could see her eyes, he would see she was crying.

But there was something he needed to do, so he stood up, softly stroked the top of her head, whispered "I'll be back in a minute, Addie," and then walked out the door with Bailey behind him.

Once the door was shut, Bailey turned to him with a stern look.

"You're going to go talk to Grey, aren't you?"

Derek frowned. "Yes," he started.

"Addison needs you."

Derek nodded, almost hesitantly. He had no idea where this was going. "Meredith's my girlfriend. I need to talk to her."

"About Addison?"

"No. Yes. No. I mean, about this." He gestured to her, to himself, to the door to Addison's room.

"Derek …"

"No, look. Meredith and I … I can't just not talk to her. We are supposed to be talking. We're supposed to be communicating. I need to be communicating. With Meredith. We're having issues …"

"Do I look like I care about your issues, Shepherd?"

"Uhhh …" Derek was feeling lost. "But you asked."

"No. I asked about Addison. I care about Addison. And right now, you and your … issues … are affecting her."

"How are they …?"

"You know she can't go home alone."

"What? Who? Addison?" Derek was really getting confused. "Miranda …"

"No, Shepherd. She can't go home alone. If she's going to be alone, I'll keep her here."

"She's not going to be alone."

"Good."

"It's just …"

"Yes?" Bailey arched an eyebrow.

"It's just …"

"It's just that this worries you?"

Derek released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "Yes. Yes, it does. I mean, I know she can't be alone. I don't want her to be alone. I just don't know …"

"That you're the one that should be with her?"

"Yes!" Derek smiled at Bailey. She understood. "Yes, exactly."

"Then who do you propose should be with her?"

"I, uh, I don't …"

"Exactly. There isn't anyone else. She wants you."

"But Miranda .."

"Shepherd, listen to me." Bailey's eyes bore into his, so much so they made Derek take a step backward. "I get that this might be rather uncomfortable for you. After all, it's not like you two are the best of friends. I've seen the way you treat her."

"What?" Derek was indignant. "The way _I_ treat _her_?"

"Shepherd."

Derek closed his mouth. Bailey continued.

"Yes, you. The way you're always harping on her, snarking at her. You've moved on, you've got a girlfriend, you've got your … issues … and whatever. You don't need to be giving Addison a hard time about anything."

"Miranda …"

"I'm talking." If possible, Bailey's eyes narrowed even more. Derek closed his mouth again. "But right now, none of that matters. What matters is Addison. And since she won't let anyone else near her, the job falls to you. So you are going to take her home, and you are going to stay with her, and you are going to make sure she's okay."

"But that's the thing," Derek interrupted. "How do I do that? It's one thing to hold her hand, it's another to what? It's not like she's going to get better in a night."

"Derek." Bailey's voice softened, and she took a step closer, laying her hand on his shoulder. "No one's asking you to move in with her. No one's even asking you about tomorrow. This is about right now. Just take her home. That's the first step. And once you're there? You know her, Derek. You were married to her for what, ten, eleven years?"

Derek nodded. "Eleven."

"You know how to take care of her. You just have to let yourself remember it."

Bailey pulled her hand back from Derek's shoulder. "Now go talk to your girlfriend and get Addison's discharge papers. Then you can march yourself back here and take the very terrified woman who is waiting for you in this room home."

With that, she nodded slightly at him, then turned and entered Addison's room.

Derek sighed. How was he supposed to take care of Addison? Were you even supposed to take care of your ex-wife? He had no idea. He had to go find Meredith.

He turned his head, quickly scanning the hall. He spotted her. Down by the nurses' station talking to a figure that looked like the chief.

Derek started down the hall toward her, but he'd barely made it two feet, when a hand gripped his shoulder and he felt himself being spun violently around. When he stopped, he found himself staring into the piercing, glowering glare of his former best friend.

"So, Derek," Mark said icily. "Maybe you want to tell me why you didn't think it was important to let me know that Addison was raped?"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey all. Sorry for the gap between updates. Real life kind of got in the way (hate it when that happens!). Anyway, to make it up to you, I'll try to update faster this week!!  
**

**And reviewers, do I even have to tell you all how much I love you guys? Yeah, I didn't think so!  
**

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**Chapter 8**

"Mark!" Derek took a step back, Mark's fingers still pressing into his shoulder where he had grabbed him. Mark was glaring at him, the most intense look of hatred Derek could ever remember seeing from him.

"You didn't tell me," he seethed.

"Mark." Derek took another step back, wrestling his shoulder out of Mark's grasp, but as he did, Mark took a step closer, moving in until he and Derek were nose to nose.

"I had to hear it from Izzie." Mark's voice was cold and accusing. "From Izzie. She knew before I did. Why is that, Derek?"

Derek took a deep breath. _Don't get mad. Don't get mad. Now is not the time. _He took another step backward. This time Mark didn't make a move.

"I'm sorry you had to hear it from Izzie, Mark," Derek said, as calmly and as evenly as he possible could. "But I was a little too busy to be calling you."

"Busy?" Derek saw Mark's fingers clench. "And what could you possibly be busy doing?"

Derek stared at him. Was he seriously asking him this?

"How about taking care of Addison?"

"What?" For a second the fury disappeared. Instead Mark was looking at Derek open-mouthed. "_You _were with Addison?"

Derek's eyes narrowed. "Yes, _I _was with Addison. Where else would I be?"

"Where you always are, Derek. As far away from her as you can possibly get."

"How dare you …"

"What? Tell the truth? Why were you with her anyway?"

Now it was Derek's turn to clench a fist. He could feel the rage building inside him. He took a breath to try and control it.

"Why was I with her? _I _was with her, Mark, because _she_ wanted me to be."

Mark spluttered. "Addison … _Addison_ asked for _you_?"

He laughed, a sound choked by anger and bitterness.

"Yes, she asked for me."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care if you believe me."

"Why would Addison ask for you? Why wouldn't she …"

"Ask for you?" Derek glared at Mark. He couldn't contain it any more. "Maybe because she doesn't trust you."

"But …" Mark looked like he was going to say something, shout a comeback back at Derek, but instead he just stopped, staring at him, hurt evident all across his face.

"Oh my, God." Derek's voice was louder than he meant it to be. He couldn't believe this. He knew he maybe should be a little sympathetic, but after everything that had happened so far today ...

"You are unbelievable, Mark. Unbelievable!" The words were flying out of Derek's mouth, sharp and angry, before he could stop them. "Addison was raped, Mark. Do you get that? _She was raped! _And you … you are standing here bitter and jealous because she didn't ask for _you_? What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem is you!" Mark's anger had returned.

"No, your problem is that you're sitting here thinking about yourself when you should be thinking about her!"

"And you're really thinking about her?" Mark's voice was growing louder, too, both of them moving closer to each other again, their bodies now mere millimeters apart.

"_Yes, I'm thinking about her!"_

"_I don't think you are!"_

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

A loud booming voice broke through Derek and Mark's shouts. Instantly, they turned toward the sound, both unconsciously stepping back as they came face to face with Richard, his face red, his hands on his hips in anger, glaring at them as though they were the most despicable things he had ever seen.

"Chief, I was just trying to go down the hall when he attacked me …"

"I'm trying to find out why Derek didn't feel the need to tell me about …"

Richard cut through both of them. "No. I don't want to hear it." He glared at each of them in turn. "This is a hospital. A hospital. There are patients here. People who are sick and who need surgery and who _do not need their surgeons screaming at each other in the hallway._"

He turned quickly toward Derek, before Derek could react. "Why aren't you with Addison?"

"I, uh, I'm just on my way to get the discharge papers for her," he stammered.

"Again, I ask, why aren't you with Addison?"

"I'm going right back!"

Richard turned to Mark. "And what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I just want to see her." Mark cast a sidelong glance at Derek. "I just want to know that she's all right."

Derek almost snorted. "You want to know if she's all right? More like you want to know why she didn't come crawling to you."

"How dare … "

A door slammed behind them. Derek, Mark and Richard all jumped.

Bailey was standing there, and Derek could almost see the daggers flying from her eyes.

When she spoke her voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, but she was furious. "What do you fools think you are doing out here?" she seethed. _"She can hear you."_

"I …" Derek opened his mouth to say something, but no words could be found. If he had looked around, he would have noticed Mark and Richard with similar expressions.

Bailey held up a hand. "Save it. I don't even want to hear it."

Mark seemed to think that this was his opportunity. "I just want to see her. I just want to know that she's okay." He flashed Bailey his trademark make-the-women-drool look. It didn't work.

"She would be more okay if you three weren't screaming at each other, about her, outside her door."

"Miranda," Richard cut in. "I want to see her."

"But, Chief …" Mark started.

"No." Bailey was shaking her head at both of them. "No way. No one is seeing her except for him." She gestured toward Derek, then seemed to realize something. "What the hell are you still standing here for, Shepherd? I thought you were getting her discharge papers?"

Derek didn't have to be told twice. He turned around and raced down the hall, thankful to get away from that. As he went, he heard Mark ask Bailey if she could just tell him what happened to Addison and how she was doing, and Derek felt some of his anger ebb away. Mark did care about Addison; he knew that. And Mark had a valid point. Derek still wasn't sure why Addison trusted him enough to want him with her. After everything that happened between them, Derek wouldn't have thought it strange in the least if she had wanted Mark or Callie or even Bailey. But she hadn't; in her most vulnerable moment, she wanted him.

Derek was so busy concentrating on the thoughts whirling through his mind he didn't even notice the person in front of him until he plowed into her headfirst. The impact of the collision knocked him backward and her to the ground.

"Oh … Derek started, then his eyes focused on the slim figure, the blond hair.

"Mere, I'm so sorry!" He leaned down to grab her hand and help her up. She smiled.

"Thanks for that, honey," she said sarcastically, but then she put her hand on his arm and looked directly into his eyes, her face instantly turning serious.

"How is she?"

"That's what I, uh, was coming to talk to you about." Derek bent down to pick up a few files that had fallen from Meredith's arms when he had knocked her to the ground. He handed them back to her.

"She really wants to go home."

"Oh." Meredith nodded. "That's probably good."

"She wants me to come with her."

"Oh, I, uh …" Meredith frowned a little, trying to gather her thoughts. After a few seconds, she smiled again. "Good. That's good. I think. Yeah, you should. Go with her, I mean. She shouldn't be alone."

Derek released a breath. "You aren't mad?"

Meredith shook her head. "No. No. I mean, it's weird. But it's not like you're going to sleep with her."

"Mere …!" But the revulsion was already passing over Meredith's face as she realized what she had said.

"Oh, God, Derek. I didn't mean that. I meant …"

"It's okay."

"You should go."

"It might be for a couple days."

"That's okay." Meredith reached out and took his hand. "It's good this way. Cristina. She needs a friend. After Burke and the non-wedding and … everything … so I, I want to be there for her." She squeezed Derek's hand. "So … you go … with Addison … and I'll go with Cristina. And it will be good. It will."

"Okay. I'll call you."

"Yeah," Meredith sighed. "You should."

"Okay," Derek said again. "I need to go get Addison's discharge papers."

"Yeah," Meredith said, then paused. Derek took the opportunity to lean in and kiss her softly on the lips.

"My sister's an intern here," Meredith said as she pulled back.

"What?!"

Meredith nodded. "Yup. My sister. Or half-sister. Here. In the hospital. Yup."

Derek frowned. "The one that had the baby?"

"Nope. The other one. The one my father apparently is oh so proud of for going to medical school."

"Oh." Derek vaguely recalled a conversation about that, but he couldn't seem to make himself care. "Do you, uh, want to talk about it?"

But Meredith leaned in and kissed him again. "No, go. Go be Addison's knight-in-shining-whatever. I'll call you."

"Meredith …"

"I'll call you." And then she was gone, walking off back down the hall. Derek ran his hand through his hair. It was always something with her, with them. He knew he should be the good boyfriend, go talk to her about this, not take no for an answer. But he couldn't. Not right now. Addison needed him more.

Fifteen minutes later, he was back down the hall to Addison's room. The Chief and Mark were still where he'd left them, but now they were slumped against the wall, looking gloomy.

Mark smiled sadly at Derek when he approached. "She doesn't want to see us. She told Bailey she doesn't want to see anyone."

Then Mark reached out, grabbed Derek's hand and slapped something into it.

Derek looked down. It was a key card.

"Her room." Mark gestured toward the card. "She gave it to me. Before. Take it. So you don't have to go to the front desk and get a new one. It'll be easier."

Derek nodded. He hadn't even thought about room keys. "Thanks, Mark."

"I just want her to be okay." Mark lifted his eyes to Derek's, and for a second, Derek thought he could see tears glimmering in them, but then Mark blinked, and if Derek had seen something, it was gone. "The thought that someone hurt her, that someone touched her … I just want her to be okay. I want to make sure that she's okay."

"I know you do. Me, too."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just didn't think she'd ask …"

"Yeah. Me neither."

"I'm sorry."

Almost instinctively, Derek reached out, grasping Mark's arm. "It's nothing personal, Mark. You've got to know that. She's just scared right now. But don't give up on her. She needs you. She needs us. She shouldn't have to do this alone."

Mark clasped Derek's arm in return. "If you need anything at all, if there's anything I can do …"

"I'll let you know."

"Okay, good." Mark nodded as their arms fell back to their sides. Derek smiled sadly at him, then brushed past him to open the door and slip back in.

Bailey was sitting on the stool that had been Derek's all morning. Addison was facing her, in her usual position, with her arms wrapped tightly around herself and her knees pulled up to her chest as far as she could get them.

Bailey stood up when she saw Derek, moving backward to let him sit.

"Hey, Addie," he said softly. He could see a couple tears slowly making their way down her cheeks. He angled the papers in his hand so she could see them. "I just need you to sign a couple things, and then we can take you home."

"I can go home?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"You can go home."

"You're going to come with me?"

"I'm going to go with you."

"You're going to stay with me?"

"For as long as you need me to."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

And with tears still rolling down her cheeks, Addison took the papers and a pen from Derek and signed her name in all the places he told her to.

Then, eight hours after an ambulance had delivered her to Seattle Grace Hospital, it was finally time for Addison to go home.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey, guys. I'm so sorry. I know it's been forever. But I was on vacation – well, if you can call helping a bride-to-be run around town doing a million errands for the wedding a vacation. LOL. But the good news is, I am back and I wrote rough drafts of the next three chapters while I was on the plane, so updates should be a lot faster for a little while ;)**

**Thanks, all, for still reading and reviewing. You have no idea how happy you all make me!!**

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**Chapter 9**

"You're sure you're going to stay with me?" Addison asked Derek for what felt like the fiftieth time since she had signed the discharge papers. They were waiting for Bailey to come back with something for her to wear, so she wouldn't have to go home in the hospital gown she currently had on.

Derek smiled patiently at her and gave her hand another gentle squeeze.

"I'm not going anywhere, Addie."

"But … but don't you have surgeries?" She eyed him warily.

"Surgeries can wait," he told her. "Or there are other surgeons. They can do them."

"Really?"

"Really."

"But you always pick surgeries over me."

Derek winced. Addison was watching him intensely. He knew she didn't mean to hurt him with her comment. She really was just asking, but still, it stung, and Derek knew that was because she was right.

"Not this time."

"Why not?"

"Because you're more important."

"But why?"

"Because you are, Addie."

Before Derek could continue, though, the door behind him had opened again, and Bailey was walking through, her arms piled high with what looked like a wide assortment of clothes.

"Scrubs," Bailey said, pulling the top two items off her pile and handing a dark blue shirt and pants to Derek. Next she held up an ankle-length black winter coat with fur-trimmed sleeves and a hood.

"It's probably too big for her, but it's the best I could do," she said, also handing it to Derek. "It's from the lost and found. No one will notice it's gone."

Then she handed him the last thing in her hands, a pair of green crocs.

"Mark got them from her locker for her."

Derek didn't even bother wondering why it was that Mark knew her locker combination.

Finally, Bailey reached into the pocket of her own scrubs and pulled out two vials of pills and a set of keys he recognized as his own These she handed to Derek as well.

"Pain medication, sleeping pills," Bailey said. "And your keys.

"Meredith said she drove this morning," she continued when she noticed Derek's confused expression.

He nodded. That's right. He did remember that.

"She and Izzie went to get your car," Bailey said. "She said to tell you it's parked in your normal spot."

Derek nodded again.

"Thank you," he said, and slipped the bottles and keys into the pockets of his jeans. Then he turned to Addison.

"Let's get you changed," he told her. "Do you want some help?"

Addison shook her head. "I can do it," she said quietly.

"Okay."

Derek tugged her blanket down off her as Addison pushed herself upright, then turned so she was sitting on the edge of the bed, her feet dangling over the side. Derek watched her eyes as she took in the scrubs he was holding out to her. She then looked down at her left arm in its cast and sling. She frowned, looking back at Derek, her eyes almost pleading.

"I can at least help you with that," Derek said. He set the scrubs down on the bed next to her, reaching around behind her neck to help untie her sling. Once it was free, he helped her slip her arm out of it.

"Thanks," she whispered.

Derek remained still as he watched her weigh her choices until she tentatively reached out and grabbed the pants. She slid forward a little more to the side of the bed so her feet were touching the ground. Slowly she stood up.

For a second she was fine. And then she swayed.

Before he even had time to think about it, Derek grabbed her arm to steady her, and Addison yelped at the contact, leaping backward to get away from his touch and hitting the bed, almost falling backward on to it again, tears filling her eyes as she struggled to regain her balance.

"Oh, God, Addie, I'm so sorry!"

Derek hurriedly backed up as Addison stood there, her breath shallow, holding on to the bed with one hand, shoulders shuddering, the scrubs on the ground at her feet where she dropped them. Finally, she leaned down and grabbed at the pants, staring at them as she tried to figure out how she was going to get herself dressed.

It was a painstaking process. She managed, after a few attempts, to slip her legs into the pants and slide them up over her hips. But the pants were much too big for her and every time she let go to try and grab the ties, they would slip, and she would have to grab at them again. Finally, after this had gone on for a few minutes, Derek moved closer to her.

"Let me help you, Addie," he said. "Not because you can't do it." He spoke quickly when he saw her open her mouth to reply. "But because it will be faster this way, and then we can get you home."

Derek waited as Addison thought about what he said. Finally she consented, and Derek moved directly in front of her. Addison once again pulled the scrubs back up to her waist, and when she was ready, Derek took the strings and tied them so the pants were secure around her.

Carefully, he turned her around so her back was to him, then untied her hospital gown, letting it slide down and off her arms onto the bed in front of her. Being careful to keep his eyes only on her back, he pulled the top over her head and helped her position her arms though the sleeves. Finally, he turned her around and, grabbing the coat, slipped it on to her, zipping her all the way and even pulling the hood over her head.

Bailey was right. The coat was enormous. Derek almost started when he realized how little Addison looked in it, because Addison barely ever looked little. But the hood almost covered her eyes and the sleeves more than covered her arms and her hands. At least the only way anyone would be able to tell it was Addison was by the tuft of matted red hair that was sticking out on the right side.

Derek grabbed at the shoes Bailey had brought it. He leaned down, lifting Addison's legs one at a time so he could slip the shoes on to her feet.

"Are you ready?" Bailey asked her once Derek had finished. She had moved into a corner while Derek had dressed Addison, but she moved back next to the two of them now.

Addison nodded.

"Would you like us to get you a wheelchair?"

Addison shook her head. "I can walk."

"Okay."

And Bailey moved into position on Addison's left side while Derek took her right, moving his left hand to gently touch the back of her coat, so gently she didn't feel it, but close enough that he knew he could grab her if he needed to.

The walk out of the hospital was relatively smooth. A few people were in the halls, and Derek saw them stare as they realized it was Addison, but most of them were discreet enough to move out of the way and gawk at her where she couldn't see them. Addison kept her head down the whole time, and it was only from little movements of her hooded head that Derek knew she was scanning the area for people who might want to suddenly run up to her.

They were almost to the side entrance when they saw them.

Mark and Callie were standing together, talking animatedly to each other.

Addison, Derek and Bailey were about five feet away when Mark and Callie looked up and spotted them. Addison was still shuffling toward the door, and Derek knew she hadn't seen them yet.

"Addison." Mark spoke first.

Addison froze, and Derek saw her head shoot up.

"Addison." Callie said sympathetically. She started to move toward her friend. "Oh honey."

She reached out to touch Addison's arm, but before she could, Addison had flung herself sideways at Derek, her good arm wrapping around his waist and her head buried in his shoulder.

Derek stared down at her in surprise. Callie's eyes were clouded with confusion. Bailey hadn't moved. Mark just looked at Addison sadly.

"What …?" Callie looked at Derek but gestured at Addison.

Derek just shook his head. "I'm sorry," was all he could think of to say.

Callie made a move, as though to step closer, but Mark, his eyes still focused on Addison, who was now quivering in Derek's arms, put his hand on Callie's arm to stop her.

"Let her be," he said softly.

Callie looked like she wanted to protest, but she didn't. Instead she let Mark direct her out of the way, watching sadly as Mark nodded at Derek, gesturing to indicate they should continue.

Derek gently wrapped his arm around Addison's waist and, after waiting a few seconds to make sure she seemed okay with it, resumed his walk toward the door, Bailey trudging alongside of them.

They got to the car without any more incidents, stopping next to Derek's Jeep.

He went to open the door for Addison, but stopped when he saw her frowning.

"Addie?"

"Where's my car?" She turned her head, as though searching the parking lot.

"I, um, I don't know, Addie."

"But I want it." She turned back to Derek.

"What if we go look for it tomorrow?"

"But … but …" Addison looked like she was about to cry again. "But what if … what if I need it?"

"Addison …"

"And keys. I don't know where my keys are!" Addison's voice was starting to get frantic.

"And my wallet. Derek! Where is it?"

"Addison." Quickly, Derek reached out for her, turning her so she was facing him, pushing her hood back so he could see her eyes, now filled with worry.

"It's okay," he soothed. "It's okay. It's going to be okay. We don't have to worry about it right now. We will get everything later. I promise."

"But …"

"We will find it. Later. I promise." He stroked her cheek softly, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"I promise," he repeated.

Addison took a breath. Then she sighed. Derek smiled at her, taking that as a sign that she was listening to him. Gently, he reached for her hand to guide her to the Jeep, standing beside her as he opened the door and she climbed in.

After making sure she was buckled in and closing the door, he turned to Bailey, who was watching him with her mouth pursed.

"Miranda …?"

"Don't hurt her, Shepherd."

"I …"

"Just don't. Just take care of her."

"I will."

Bailey nodded, seemingly satisfied. Derek took a deep breath.

"I'll, um, see you later," he started, beginning to walk to the other side of the Jeep.

"Shepherd?"

He turned back.

"If you need anything, anything at all, you call me."

"Okay."

"I mean it. Anything at all. Even if it's three in the morning. Call me."

He nodded. "Thanks." He smiled at her, but Bailey didn't smile back. Instead she nodded curtly, mouthed "Don't hurt her," once more, and turned to make her way back to the hospital, leaving Derek alone with Addison for the first time in months.

"Oh, God," he whispered to himself as the realization of what that meant hit him with a thud. He was alone with Addison. A very scared, very traumatized Addison.

"What in the hell am I going to do?"


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: See look? A new update. In just a couple days instead of a couple weeks. A good improvement, huh? Thanks so much again for reviewing. Hugs, kisses and cookies to all of you!!**

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**Chapter 10**

Addison was silent the entire drive to the hotel, with Derek watching her almost the whole time out of the corner of his eye. She sat motionless, her good arm wrapped once again around her waist, her eyes wide, staring straight ahead.

She still didn't say anything when they finally arrived at the hotel, nor did she say anything as Derek helped her out of the Jeep and into the hotel through a side door, down a hallway, onto the elevator, up to the 22nd floor and down the hall to her room, a place Derek had been just once before.

Derek slipped the key card Mark had given him out of his pocket, slid it into the slot, waited for the light to blink green, then held the door open as Addison slowly walked by him, stopping just feet into the room.

Derek looked around. The one night he had been here felt like ages ago. Addison in her bathrobe, sipping her champagne, listening as Derek told her, not very meaningfully, that he was sorry he had left Meredith's panties in his jacket and that their marriage was over. He remembered Addison's blank stare as the bathroom door had opened and Mark had emerged. He remembered the feeling of relief that had spread through him at that moment as he had realized he didn't have to feel guilty about what he had done. And he remembered walking away, excited and relieved that a future with Meredith was finally his.

But there was no excitement or relief anywhere this time as Derek looked around.

Everything was clean, as the hotel staff had obviously made the bed and organized Addison's belongings. But there were still remnants of the last time Addison had been here. Three or four formal dresses were neatly laid over the back of a chair, dresses Derek knew Addison must have tried on in her quest to find something to wear to Burke and Cristina's wedding. There were also shoes, all strappy and high heeled, lined up on the floor near the clothes instead of in the boxes where Derek knew Addison usually kept them.

Derek tried not to think of Addison innocently getting ready to go to a wedding, trying to find the perfect outfit, not having any idea what would befall her before she would ever come back to her room. Instead he turned his attention back to Addison, who hadn't moved from where she was standing. He saw her eyes, too, were focused on the pile of clothes on the chair.

"Addison." He moved toward her.

"I just wanted to look pretty …"

"Oh, Addie." Derek reached out and took her hand, leading her over to the bed. She followed him, but her eyes remained on the clothes.

"Maybe I should have worn something different." Her eyes shifted suddenly to Derek's. "Should I have worn something different?"

"No, Addie …"

"But maybe …?"

"No, Addie." Derek squeezed her hand. "This isn't because of what you were wearing."

"But …"

"Addie." Another squeeze. "Let's talk about this later, okay? Right now, let's get you taken care of. Are you hungry?"

Addison shook her head.

"Are you sure?"

Addison looked at him. "I want to take a shower."

He had expected that. It was going to be his next question. "Okay. Do you want help?"

Addison looked down. "No."

"Okay. Do you want me to help you get undressed?"

She shook her head. "I can do it," she said quietly.

"Okay. We need to wrap your arm up, though, okay? You can't get it wet."

Her head shot up. "Oh," she said, and he knew she hadn't realized that.

"Come on." He tugged gently at her hand and led her into the bathroom.

It was huge. And almost blinding. White marble was everywhere. A marble Jacuzzi-sized tub was to his left and next to it a glass-enclosed shower that looked almost twice as big as most showers he had ever seen. The huge, marble sink was covered with what looked like hundreds of tubes of makeup and bath products and brushes that Derek had no idea how to use. For a second, Derek had a flashback to all the times he used to tease Addison back in New York about her endless need to always buy new makeup.

Derek looked around, then back to the redhead who was standing motionless behind him, her fingers limp in his firm grip.

He glanced at her injured arm, wondering quickly how it was going to affect her shower-taking capabilities. "It might be easier to take a bath, Ad."

"I want a shower."

He didn't bother to argue. Right now she could do whatever she wanted. Instead he let go of her hand and reached up to unzip her coat for her, pushing if off her shoulders when he was done. She didn't protest when he slid it off her onto the floor.

"Stay here," he told her as he scooped the coat up and carried it back into the main room, his eyes scanning all around until he found what he was looking for. A plastic bag with the word Chanel written on it lay on the floor next to Addison's pile of dresses. He grabbed it and hurried back into the bathroom.

Addison had done as he had told her and hadn't moved. She just watched him as he stepped over to her and lifted up her injured arm, wrapping it up in the plastic bag and securing it with a hair band he found on the counter.

"Okay," he told her when he was sure her arm was now waterproof. "Are you sure you can do this?"

Addison nodded.

"Okay," Derek said. He pointed to the bathroom door. "But I'm going to be waiting right outside in case you need me. Okay?"

Again she nodded.

"Okay," he said.

He felt an urge to hug her or stroke her hair or something, but instead he just smiled at her and walked out of the bathroom, leaving the door only partly ajar. Then he slid down the wall right next to the door and waited.

He was tired. Exhausted really. Derek glanced at his watch. Three thirty. It felt so much later than that, like a lifetime had happened in one morning and afternoon. He closed his eyes, letting his thoughts drift. To the wedding that didn't happen. To Meredith. To Bailey's phone call that morning. To the look on Mark's face when he thought Derek had purposely kept him in the dark about Addison's attack. To the fear on Addison's face when he had first seen her that morning. To the only other time he had ever seen Addison look that afraid.

Through the blur of his thoughts, Derek tried to pay attention to the noises in the bathroom. To the soft padding of her shoes on the floor, to the shower when she turned the water on.

But soon, the sound of running water grew more distant, the thoughts stopped coming so fast, and Derek surrendered to the exhaustion that seemed to seep through every muscle.

_CRASH_

Derek's eyes flew open. _What in the …?_

Another crash sounded. Then another.

Derek didn't wait. He was on his feet, shoving the bathroom door open as hard as he could, the door swinging back so violently it crashed into the wall with a loud thud.

"Addison!"

His foot connected with something hard and slippery, and he felt himself start to fall. He swung his arm out, grabbing at the door, regaining his balance before he hit the ground. Gasping, Derek realized he had nearly slipped on a bar of soap that was now lying in the middle of the floor. Looking around, he saw shampoo bottles and body washes and even a couple razors scattered everywhere.

He turned quickly toward the shower, and what he saw made him suck in his breath.

The shower door was wide open, but Addison was hunched in the far corner, her knees pulled up, both arms wrapped around them, her head buried on top of them, her shoulders shaking almost violently. Over the sound of the water Derek could hear her crying.

Quickly Derek stepped over to the shower, reaching in to turn off the faucet.

He pulled his hand back almost just as quickly. The water was scalding. Stealing a quick look down at Addison, he noticed just how red her skin looked, almost like she had rubbed, or burned, it raw.

Derek sighed sadly, then gritting his teeth, he reached in through the burning liquid to turn the faucet to the off position.

Addison's head shot up the second the water shut off, and the tears seemed to instantly stop. She just sat there, motionless. Her eyes were puffy, and water and mucus seemed to be mixing together to drip down her chin. Derek felt his heart break as he looked at her.

Derek squatted down so he was eye level with her.

"Addie," he said tenderly. "Tell me what's wrong."

For a second she didn't say a word. Then, the tears pooled in her eyes began to flow again and her shoulders started to shake once more.

"It won't … It won't …. It won't …" She was gasping for air, her breath coming out in shallow pants.

Derek motioned for her to move closer to him. "Come here, Addie."

"It won't … It won't …"

"Come here, Addie."

Finally, Addison drew a breath, her whole body seeming to shudder. Derek reached out a hand toward her, being careful not to move from where he was standing, still at the edge of the shower. He watched her stare at him for a second, searching his face as though looking for answers to some unasked question, then slowly he saw her stretch her long legs out a tiny bit, then scoot on her bottom toward him. She had barely moved half an inch, but Derek smiled encouragingly at her and kept his hand out.

"Come here, Addie."

He thought she might resist, but she didn't. Instead, she once again moved her legs out and scooted closer. Then again. And again. Until she was close enough to reach her hand out and let her fingers brush against his. This time it was Derek's turn to inch a step closer, still squatting but moving so he was actually positioned in the shower, moving nearer until he was able to entwine his fingers completely with hers. He waited.

A tiny squeeze came from her end, and that was enough. Derek inched a few more steps toward her, then lowered himself all the way to the floor of the shower, sitting cross-legged just centimeters from where Addison sat with her legs still pulled to her chest.

She seemed to understand what he was doing, and as soon as he was settled, Addison shifted herself until she was sitting right next to his legs. Carefully she untangled her fingers from his and held her arms out to him.

Once she was ready, Derek moved his own hands to her hips. He felt her body tense when he touched her, but he didn't move. Instead he waited until he felt her relax. When she was ready once more, he lifted her up and moved her onto his lap, positioning her so she was sitting sideways, the shoulder of her bad arm against his chest, both her legs draped over his left one. Instantly, she reached her good hand up, clutching his shirt in her fist, her nails slightly scraping into his skin from the force of her grasp.

Derek wrapped one arm around her waist and the other softly stroked her head. Her red hair was sopping wet, but it was still knotty and matted, and Derek could see the blood mixed in amongst the strands.

"Tell me what's wrong, Addie."

Addison tilted her chin so she was peering upward at him. Tears pooled in her eyes and in seconds she was sobbing again.

Derek wrapped his arms tighter around her, secretly relieved that she let him. He could feel her whole body trembling against him. Slowly, he started to rock her, back and forth, back and forth.

"Tell me what's wrong, Addie. Tell me what's wrong." He kept whispering, over and over again.

"It won't come off!" Addison finally managed to splutter out words through her sobs. "It won't … it won't … it won't come off … it won't come off … it won't come off …"

"Addie," Derek said softly, but he knew it was no good. Addison was crying so hard he knew she wasn't listening to him. He didn't have to ask her, though, what wouldn't come off. He knew what she meant. Years of being a doctor had taught him that rape victims often felt dirty when it was over.

Without warning, Addison shifted in his arms, her good arm suddenly flying to her head, her hand twisting in her wet hair as she yanked on a section of it.

"It won't come off!" Addison's eyes were wide, almost wild looking. She yanked on her hair again, and this time Derek grabbed her wrist. He could see red strands twisted around her fingers as he pulled her arm away. "It won't come off!"

Addison jerked her hand out of Derek's grasp.

"It won't come off! It won't come off!"

She was almost shrieking now. Derek felt panic rising inside him. He had no idea what to do. Instantly, he put his arm back around her and tried to rock her faster, tried to rub her back with his hand, but it wasn't working. Addison was getting more upset by the second. He could feel her tears soaking into his shirt, and her whole body was shaking uncontrollably.

"It won't come off!!"

She reached up to grab another chunk of hair. Derek grabbed at her hand again.

"Let me get it off for you," he said loudly, making sure she could hear him over her cries. "Let me help you."

That seemed to do the trick. Addison paused mid-cry.

"You'll … you'll get it off?" she questioned, her voice thick with tears.

"I'll get it off." He repeated.

Derek let go of her hand.

"I'll get it off."

Addison studied him for a second, then slowly lowered her hand to put it back in her lap. He felt her sag against him.

"Derek?" she said.

"Yes, Addie?"

"Please get it off."

Derek sighed. If only it were that easy.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hi all! I'm back, with more angst for you. But at this point, would you expect anything less? Anyway, I never get tired of saying this, but thanks to all of my reviewers. You guys just … are amazing. Really.**

**So enjoy!!  
**

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**Chapter 11**

Looking around, it occurred to Derek that the situation he suddenly found himself in was one that most people would not consider to be entirely appropriate. In fact, if circumstances had been much, much different, he would definitely not have considered it appropriate either. After all, here he was, sitting fully clothed in a shower of a hotel with Addison, his ex-wife, naked in his arms, except for the plastic-bag-covered cast on her left arm.

But then Derek also knew that at this moment appropriate didn't really matter. What mattered was Addison and making sure she felt safe and secure.

He wasn't at all sure that she felt anything even remotely close to that, but she was letting him hold her, and letting him see her cry, so that was something.

Derek had always felt really conflicted every time he had seen Addison cry, from the time they were dating to the time their marriage fell apart, and this was no different. Mostly, he knew, it was because Addison didn't cry. At least not in front of people. She always wanted to be so strong and so independent and so tough. She always wanted everyone to think that she was so in control. She never wanted to let them see that she was actually really vulnerable or insecure or even that she could actually be hurt.

He had use to hate that, thinking she didn't trust him enough to let him help her when things were bad, that she maybe didn't trust him to take care of her. But then there were the moments that she did let him in, that she did confide in him, and those were the moments that usually ended up breaking his heart even more, because somehow he never could figure out quite how to help her.

Right now was one of those moments. He wanted her to trust him, he wanted her to talk to him, but he was terrified that she would, because he had no idea what to do next. So instead he just held her, trying desperately to think of the next step he should make.

He wanted to at least take his jeans off – the rational part of his brain told him if he got all his clothes any wetter than they were already that he would have nothing else to wear – but he was afraid to let go of her. He thought if he made the wrong move, she might realize exactly what was going on and retreat into her shell that she so often built up around herself.

So instead he settled for inching them both forward until, making sure he was holding her tightly enough against him that she wouldn't slip, he could lift himself up enough to grab the faucet and turn it back on.

A blast of hot water hit him directly in the face, and he spluttered, instinctively cupping a hand over Addison's face so the water wouldn't hit her.

"Hotter!" He heard her whisper against his chest. She reached up to try and bat Derek's hand away from her face.

Derek shifted them both so the water was hitting the back of her head instead. She seemed okay with that as he felt her relax once more against him.

Looking around again he saw a bottle lying just outside the shower door, which was still wide open; water was spraying everywhere.

Derek ignored that – he could clean water up later – and instead leaned over as far as he could. Instantly, Addison's hand was gripping him ever tighter than before. He could feel her nails digging through his shirt into his chest, but he kept going, leaning forward until he managed to get his fingers around the bottle and pull it toward him.

He squinted at the label. It was a bottle of vanilla-scented bath gel, not shampoo, but he figured for now it was good enough.

He squeezed out a decent amount on to his hands, then reached up to run his fingers and the soap through Addison's hair. Even with the water, her hair was still knotty, and he was afraid to hurt her so he went as slowly and carefully as he could.

"Harder!" Addison's face was nestled in his chest, and he could barely hear her over the sound of the water. Her one hand was still gripping his shirt, and her knuckles were white. He was careful to keep his hands strictly in her hair and on her back, no where else, so she wouldn't be scared. Plus, he knew she was sore from her bruises and other injuries, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her more.

"Harder!" he heard her say, this time louder. "Derek, please!"

"Addie …" he started.

"Please!" She lifted her head off of his chest and stared at him. She was crying again, and she looked terrified. "Please!"

"Okay, okay," he said, as she choked on a sob. He rubbed his hands through her hair a little harder, watching as the blood-tinted water rushed down his fingers, down to the bottom of the shower, where it swirled a little before disappearing forever down the drain.

"Harder!" She cried again. "It's not hard enough! It's not coming off!"

"Addie. It is coming off."

"It's not!"

"Yes, it is, Addie. Yes, it is."

He turned them both around then, maneuvering her so she could see the blood washing down the drain.

"See?" He pointed. "It is."

"But it doesn't … it doesn't _feel_ like it." Addison choked on another sob, and a fresh round of tears dripped down her cheeks, mixing with the water from the shower.

"I know it doesn't," he told her gently. "But it is, Addie. It really is."

She looked unconvinced as Derek resumed running his soap-coated hands through her hair.

Then he had an idea. He picked up the bottle of body wash again and, with Addison watching, squeezed another gigantic portion into his hands, one that was at least four times the size of what would normally be needed, then rubbed it into her hair. This he repeated over and over, never stopping what he was doing until he felt Addison softly tug on his shirt.

"Will you get the rest off?" she asked when he looked down at her.

"Of course," he said.

There was a wash cloth on the floor of the shower, the only object Addison hadn't managed to throw out, and Derek picked it up, carefully coating it with as much soap as possible as Addison watched. Slowly, he began rubbing her back with it. He repeated this process time and again, scrubbing her back, her arms, her legs.

He covered it with soap once more and handed it to her when it was time to wash her chest. He didn't want to touch her anywhere that might make her feel even a little uncomfortable.

"It's okay," he told her when she hesitated. "I won't watch."

And he didn't. He stared at the water beating down on them, his arms loosely around her back, as he felt her fidget in his lap. She let out an occasional cry, and Derek didn't know whether it was from frustration or pain – Bailey had given her medication for her fractured ribs before they'd left the hospital but Derek knew they were still really tender and must hurt a lot – but he didn't let himself look at her.

Instead he just whispered, "You're doing really good, Addie," and waited until he felt her resume her scrubbing.

Finally she was still, her body resting heavily against his.

"Is it off?" he heard her ask, and Derek took that as his sign to look down at her. She was watching him, her face red from the steam and the water, and she looked exhausted. Her eyes were heavy with sleep, and he found himself hoping that maybe she might be able to get some rest after all.

"It's off."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"It doesn't _feel_ off."

"It is off, Addie."

"Why doesn't it _feel_ off then?"

"I don't know, honey, I don't know. But it is off. I promise."

With that, Derek reached up again toward the faucet and carefully turned it off. The second the water had died Addison was crying again. Derek could feel her suddenly shivering against him.

Not wanting to wait any longer, Derek shifted his arms, placing one securely behind her back and the other beneath her knees that were still draped over his leg.

He managed to lift her up enough so he could pull himself to his knees. Once there, he was able to lift her in his arms and stand.

Addison let out a cry when he finally got to his feet, and he knew she had realized that he had picked her up. The idea that she was not in control of her movements scared her, and she jerked in his arms.

"Addie! It's okay!" Quickly Derek set her legs down so she was standing. The second she was on her feet she yanked herself out of his arms, backing up so fast she hit the faucet and let out another cry.

Instantly, her arms were wrapped around her chest and she was falling to her knees, her cries getting louder and harder.

Derek grabbed for the nearest towel he could find and quickly held it out to her.

"Addie," he said gently. He had no idea if she could hear him over her cries. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

He inched a tiny bit closer so the towel was touching her. "Here you go. I'm so sorry, Addie. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

"I'm so sorry."

It took awhile, but finally she lifted her tear-streaked face up and very cautiously reached for the towel. As soon as she took it, Derek stepped back. He needed to find a towel of his own.

He turned his head to scan the bathroom.

"Don't leave me!"

He whipped back around. Addison was clutching the towel he had just given her, her eyes wide.

"I'm not leaving you, Addie. I just …" Derek trailed off. He had no idea what to do or even the slightest clue how to handle Addison's shift in moods. One second she wanted to be in his arms, the next she was scared of him, then the next she was worried he was leaving her.

She seemed to understand that Derek was confused. She dropped her eyes and stared at the towel.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," she whispered. "Don't hate me."

Derek felt a pang of guilt in his heart.

"I don't hate you, Addie," he said gently. "I just want to help you. … I want you to let me help you."

"You don't hate me?"

"I don't hate you. I want to help you."

"Okay." She nodded. She lifted the towel closer to her, so it was covering her chest.

"I need clothes," she whispered. "Can you get me clothes?"

Derek nodded. "Of course I can."

Addison's pajamas were just where Derek expected them to be. Right side of the dresser, second drawer down, the same place she had kept them for the eleven years they were married. He pulled out a long-sleeve red top and a pair of red bottoms that were dotted with little white stars.

Derek figured she probably wanted underwear. Not stopping to think about how he shouldn't be digging through Addison's undergarments, he pulled open the top right drawer, knowing he would find them there.

His mouth fell open a little as the drawer opened. He had been right about the underwear, but what he hadn't expected was the ratty gray t-shirt that lay mixed in with them. A ratty gray t-shirt that belonged to him. A ratty gray t-shirt that he had often found Addison sleeping in when they were married and he had gotten home late more times than he could count.

He stared at it. She had kept it. What did that mean?

"Derek? Where are you?"

Addison's tremulous voice broke through the air, and Derek's head snapped up.

"I'm coming, Addie," he called, quickly stuffing the t-shirt back in the drawer and grabbing a pair of underwear for her.

She was standing by the sink, wrapped in her towel, when he walked back in the bathroom, careful this time not to slip on any bottles that were scattered every which way. Water was everywhere. It almost looked like a flood had hit.

He handed Addison her clothes.

"Do you need any help?"

As expected, Addison shook her head.

"Okay," Derek said. "Well, why don't you get dressed out by the bed? It's really wet in here. I don't want you to fall. I'll clean up in here, okay?"

Derek waited until Addison nodded, then he reached for her elbow. She shuffled the clothes in to her good arm and let Derek lead her out of the bathroom and back over to the bed.

"Let's get this off you first." Derek pointed to her cast, safely ensconced in its little bag. Addison obediently held her arm out, and Derek removed the hair band, then slid the wet plastic bag off her arm.

"I'll be right in there if you need me," he told her, before heading back to the bathroom.

Sighing, Derek grabbed some towels and began sopping up water. His jeans were stuck to his legs and his shirt was stuck to his chest. He was in the middle of contemplating whether it would be appropriate to take them off when he heard Addison calling him.

He raced back into the room. Addison was sitting on the bed. Her pajama bottoms were on, but her shirt was twisted. She had her good arm in one sleeve, but it appeared to be inside out.

"It won't go on." She looked defeated.

Derek moved quickly toward her. She held out her arms and, carefully, he slid the shirt off of her, making a pointed effort to keep his eyes solely on her face and not anywhere else on her body, straightened it out, then helped her slide it on correctly this time.

"Are you hungry?" he asked her once she was dressed.

Addison shook her head.

"Are you tired?"

Addison bit her lip. "I don't want to sleep." She stared at her hands when she said this, as though embarrassed to let Derek hear her confession.

He squatted down so he could look up into her lowered eyes.

"Why not, Addie?"

"I'm scared."

"What are you scared of, Addie? Talk to me, honey," he said, when she kept chewing on her lip.

"What if I dream about it?" She looked directly at him, and her eyes shone with tears. Instantly, Derek put his hands on her knees.

"Whatever happens, Addie, I'm right here, okay? I'm going to take care of you. No one's going to hurt you."

"But I'm scared."

"I know you are. But I'm right here." He tried to smile at her. "I think you should try to get some sleep. Bailey gave us pills that will help you. Is that okay?"

"What if I don't want to?"

"I think you should."

"But what if I don't want to?"

"How's this?" Derek reached one hand up to grab her good one, squeezing her fingers in his. "Why don't you take the sleeping pill and lay down for a little while, and we'll see what happens, okay? I'll be right here the whole time."

"You will?"

He nodded. "I will."

He squeezed her hand again. "I promise. I'll be right here when you fall asleep, and I'll be right here when you wake up. I won't go anywhere, and I won't let anyone hurt you."

"Will you wake me up if I have a bad dream?" she asked softly.

"I will wake you up if you have a bad dream."

Derek waited. He saw her hesitate, and then Addison nodded. Derek let go of her and stood up. He took a couple of steps to the top of the bed and began to pull back the covers. When he was ready, he turned back to Addison.

She scooted up the side of the bed and let Derek help her get in. He pulled the covers up over her and made sure she was tucked in completely.

"Let me go get you your pills," he told her.

"Can I have the pain ones, too?" she asked. "My stomach hurts." Instinctively, she rubbed her hand over her bruised ribs.

Derek reached out to stroke her hair. It was still soaking wet, but he figured drying her hair was the least of their worries at the moment.

"It's not time yet, Addie. Soon though."

She didn't answer, sighing deeply instead.

Quickly, Derek made his way to the table by the door where he had put down the pills Bailey had given him. He took two of them out, then opened the little refrigerator. As expected, there were a couple of bottles of water inside. He pulled one out, and grabbing a glass from the dresser just next to it, poured some water into it.

Addison took the glass and the pills he handed her without question. He waited while she swallowed them and handed him back her glass.

"Good girl," he said softly. "Now try and get some sleep."

Derek turned to re-enter the bathroom, but no sooner had he turned away then Addison called him back.

"Derek?" She sounded panicked.

He whirled around. "Addie?"

"Don't leave me!"

"I'm not leaving you. I'm just going to clean up."

"But I want you here!"

"Addie, I'm not going anywhere."

"But can't you just lie here?" Addison reached her good arm up and pointed to the bed next to her. Her eyes were pleading. "Please?"

"Addie, I'm all wet."

"Please?"

Derek didn't have the heart to argue with her.

"Give me one second."

In the bathroom, Derek found a couple of unused and unwet towels. Quickly, he stripped out of all his wet clothes except for his boxers and wrapped himself in the towel. Making his way back into the room, he found Addison lying exactly as he had left her, watching for him wide-eyed.

He edged on to the bed beside her, careful to remain a safe distance away. He tried not to think of what Meredith might say if she knew what he was doing.

But a moment later, Derek discovered it didn't really matter to him what Meredith would have said because the second Addison saw that he had made himself comfortable, she let out a breath and he saw her visibly relax.

"Close your eyes, Addie," he said softly, but she didn't. She just kept watching him, almost as though she were waiting for something.

Derek watched her in return. Her breaths were still a lot more shallow than normal, and he could see the worry lines etched on her face as her eyebrows scrunched together.

Very slowly Addison moved her good hand toward him, stretching her fingers out in his direction. Just as slowly, Derek moved his own hand forward, stopping only when his fingers came to rest over hers.

He saw her sigh.

"Close your eyes, Addie."

Then, with their fingers mingled together on the blanket, she finally did.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Yikes! Sorry, guys, I haven't updated in a week. Don't worry – I already grounded myself so I'm not allowed to go out and play until I write some more!! But to make it up to you, this chapter's pretty long. And to all those who've been asking about Callie & Addie – Okay, so you won't find out in this chapter, but you will next chapter. So that's something, right?**

**Reviewers, I love you all. Thanks for being patient …**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

Sleep was neither a smooth nor an easy process for Addison that afternoon. Derek wasn't surprised. He hadn't expected it to be.

Addison had meant what she had told Derek: She was afraid to fall asleep, and thus, even with the sleeping pill, her mind was working overtime to prevent her body from succumbing to its effects.

Derek was holding her hand as they lay there, side by side, but he could feel the tension even in her fingers. She kept her eyes closed, like he had told her to, but every few minutes she would shift her position – her leg, her head, her arm, something – which was usually followed by a soft whimper. Moving just made her injuries hurt more.

Every time this would happen, Derek would squeeze her hand a little tighter and whisper soothing words to her. "It's okay, Addie. It's okay. Just relax, honey." And in the moments when she was still, he made sure to rub gentle circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.

But it didn't matter. Addison wasn't falling asleep.

Finally her eyes flew open, and she just stared at Derek, her blue orbs sad and scared looking.

"I can't," she whispered, casting her eyes down at their entwining hands, almost as though she were ashamed. "I can't go to sleep."

"Addie," Derek started. "It's okay. You just need to let it happen. You have to stop fighting it."

"But I can't …"

"You're safe. I promise. No one's going to hurt you."

"You don't know that."

"I do know that."

"No you don't."

"Addie …"

"I don't want to sleep alone."

"Addie, you're not alone. I'm right here."

"I _feel _alone."

This last statement was barely more than a murmur. Addison wouldn't look at Derek, but Derek just kept looking at her. Her red hair, which was now beginning to dry, was sticking up in little places all over her head, evidence that she had gone to bed without brushing or drying it. Her cheeks were covered with tears that had dried, but he could see new ones beginning to form in her eyes. He couldn't see any of the bruises, except for the ones on her face – the rest were covered by her pajamas – but she was curled into the same little ball that she had been lying in when he first saw her that morning in the hospital, except this time, her hand was out and was being held in his. That hand was now shaking slightly in his grasp.

Derek sighed. Should he do it? He wasn't sure it was a good idea, but she seemed to trust him, and nothing else was working.

"Addie?" He said quietly.

Addison looked up to meet his gaze.

"Yes?"

"Remember when we first got married, and you used to have all those bad dreams?"

He waited until she nodded.

"Remember how I used to take care of you after them?"

Another nod.

"Do you want me to do that now?"

There was a pause. Then she nodded again.

"Okay," he said.

Still holding on to Addison's hand, Derek shifted himself closer to her, an inch at a time to give her a chance to get used to his presence, until he was lying right next to her, his face mere inches from hers. He could feel her breath on his face.

Now it was her turn.

Addison snuggled closer to Derek, moving in even farther, until she very gingerly rested her head against his shoulder. He waited until she moved her injured arm from her side to rest it over his stomach.

"Okay?"

"Okay." Her voice was muffled in his shoulder.

Derek let go of the hand he had been holding, and brought it up instead to stroke her damp hair. He could feel the tension in her frame, but she wasn't pulling away.

Derek grabbed a pillow that was lying unused on the bed beside him. Carefully he positioned it over his stomach. Then, as though it were a routine action, Derek brought both his hands down to Addison's hips, and, almost effortlessly, lifted her up slightly and slid her on to his chest as carefully as possible, so she was lying on top of him, her injured arm hanging down on his right side, her other hand curled up by her head. He positioned the pillow so it cushioned her bruised ribs and waited as she shifted her legs so they were tangled in with his.

It was almost as though they were two pieces of a puzzle coming together.

Derek blinked. He wasn't supposed to be thinking things like that.

He pushed the thought out of his mind, instead bringing his hands back up, one hand returning to stroking her hair, the other rubbing her back. Instantly, her felt her relax a little.

"Are you okay?" He asked her. "Does anything hurt?"

She didn't answer, but he felt her head shake, and a soft sigh escaped her lips.

"Good," he said. "Now go to sleep, Addie. I've got you."

This time it worked. Addison closed her eyes, and a few shifts and a few murmurs later, he felt her go limp beneath his hands, and he knew she had finally let sleep take its course.

Derek released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. The two biggest hurdles of the night had been overcome: they had made it through a shower and now she was finally asleep. He knew there was a lot more to come, but for now, that was good.

Derek yawned. His eyelids felt heavy. Addison was safe, she was sleeping … maybe it would be okay if he slept for awhile, too …

* * *

_It is exactly as it always is._

_She is lying on the floor, in the same spot where he's left her, so pale, so lifeless. He reaches out, touches her cheek, but she is just staring past him, seeing something he can't even fathom. He pulls her upright, lifts her into his arms, cradles her against his chest, his hand on the back of her head, which she nestles on his shoulder._

_He feels her tremble. He feels his shoulder getting wet._

_Then the sound starts. The painful, gasping cries._

_He holds her tight. _

_Her sobbing increases, and his grip tightens._

"_I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." He is almost chanting._

_But then it changes. She's not crying anymore. Instead she's staring right at him. She opens her mouth, and he thinks she's going to say something. But then she screams._

_High and loud, painful and terror-stricken._

_It's hurting his ears. Her screams are piercing. Over and over and over …  
_

* * *

  
Derek's eyes snapped open. It was pitch black. There was a weight on his chest. He couldn't breathe. Screams were echoing in his head. So loud, so terrifying. They wouldn't stop. Weren't dreams supposed to end when you woke up?Addison! 

Instantly, Derek's arms were around the screaming, writhing figure on top of him. Before he was even fully awake, he had rolled them over until Addison was lying on her back on the bed.

She was still screaming, over and over and over.

"Addison! Addison!"

Derek grabbed her shoulders, shaking her slightly. He knew she was still asleep, and for a second, he wasn't sure if he should wake her up or not. But she screamed again, and it was a sound he had never heard from her before, a sound so filled with absolute terror and total heartbreak, the decision was made for him.

"Addie! Addie! Wake up! Wake up!"

He shook her slightly again. "Addie!"

"Aaaaarrrrgggg …..!"

Addison's eyes flew open, mid-scream. She was lying on the bed, Derek leaning over her, their eyes staring into one another.

In an instant, Derek realized how this must seem to her, how wrong it must seem to her, but it was too late. He tensed, waiting for a scream, but she didn't scream. Instead Addison burst into tears.

"Addie …?" Derek reached out to touch her cheek. With just a graze, he felt her stiffen and heard her sobs grow louder.

"Addie …"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no."

"Addie …"

"No, no, no, no, no, no …"

Derek pulled back. Absentmindedly, he ran his fingers through his hair. This was not what was supposed to happen.

He couldn't make out much more than her silhouette in the darkness, but he watched as the shadowy figure he knew was Addison pulled herself back into her little ball, her arms wrapping once again around her knees. She was rocking herself back and forth, and her cries were getting harder and louder.

"No, no, no, no, no ….!"

Derek, pull yourself together man.

Derek almost leaped out of bed, practically crashing into the little bedside table next to it. Red numbers reading 9:15 glowed out at him. Blindly, he reached out and felt around for the lamp he knew was there. Once he found it, his fingers roamed its edges. There had to be an on-off switch somewhere.

"No, no, no, no, no …!"

There.

"No, no, no, no, no …!"

Light flooded the room.

"No, no, no, no, no …!"

Quickly, Derek hurried around to the other side of the bed, the side they had originally put Addison on just a few hours before. Carefully, he sat down on the edge, making sure to maintain a respectable distance between him and the sobbing redhead next to him.

"No, no, no, no, no …!"

Now that he could see her, Derek's eyes grew wide as he took in Addison's appearance. She looked worse for wear after her nap, and not just because her face was a blotchy combination of tears and snot and bruises. Underneath the red puffiness, she looked deathly pale. Clammy almost. And, he noticed in horror, her whole body seemed to be covered in a sheen of sweat. Her pajamas shone as though they were wet, and he could see them sticking to her. The legs of her bottoms had risen up, and the skin that was now visible, along with the skin of her hands, glistened from the dampness.

It was like it was happening all over again.

But Derek couldn't focus on that. That was the past; his was now. He stared at her. She was shaking, her whole body wracking with sobs, and they weren't slowing down.

"No, no, no, no, no …!"

He moved closer to her, leaning down to talk directly into her ear, careful not to touch her yet.

"Addie? Hey, Addie, honey, it's Derek. Addie?"

Nothing. Addison just sobbed harder. Her breath was hitching in her throat, and for a second, Derek was afraid she was going to choke.

"Addie, tell me what's wrong. Tell me what's wrong."

"No, no, no, no, no …!"

The last one came out as a screech. Suddenly her injured arm shot out, smacking Derek in the stomach. Before he could recover, Addison had rolled over and almost launched herself into Derek's arms.

"No! No! No!" she cried.

Instinctively, Derek looped his arms around Addison and, making sure her head was securely nestled beneath his chin, began to rock her, back and forth, back and forth

"I've got you, I've got you. You're safe."

"No! No! No!"

They stayed this way for who knows how long, Addison sobbing hysterically, Derek rocking her back and forth, almost cooing in her ear.

"I've got you, Addie. I've got you. You're safe. It was just a dream. It was just a dream."

Finally, the sobbing subsided, replaced with quiet tears and little hiccups, and then, finally, replaced with only sniffles.

"I'm sorry I scared you, Addie," Derek whispered into her hair. "I didn't mean to scare you before, when you woke up."

Addison twisted around, craning her neck so she could peer up at Derek. She wiped her nose with her hand and sniffled again. Her eyes were watery, but Derek could never remember them looking as blue as they did at that moment.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"It's oh … okay," she managed to whisper.

"No, it's not," he said. "I should have been more careful. I don't want to scare you." He reached out to brush the strands of hair, now damp from her tears and not from her shower, back off her forehead. "Do you remember what you were dreaming about?"

Addison looked thoughtful, then she shook her head. "No," she whispered, and Derek saw a fresh batch of tears spring to her eyes.

"Hey." He moved his fingers to wipe the new liquid off her cheeks. "It's okay to not remember."

"What if I never remember?" she asked softly.

Derek paused before answering. "Addie, whether you remember or you don't remember, it doesn't matter. Either way, I am right here, and I am not going anywhere. I'm going to help you, okay?"

Addison nodded and sniffled again, shifting her body so her head rested against Derek's chest. Derek gently kissed the crown of her head, then returned to rocking her gently.

It was Addison who broke the silence.

"It was my fault."

"Addie?"

"It was my fault," she repeated.

Derek's eyes narrowed in confusion. "I thought you didn't remember anything …"

"I don't." Addison wasn't looking at him. Derek had a feeling she was purposely avoiding his eyes.

"Addison. Look at me." She didn't move. "Addison, look at me."

Slowly she turned her head toward him, then, even slower, lifted her eyes to meet his.

"It's my fault." It was barely a whisper.

Derek reached out with both hands, gently cupping her face between them. He stared into her eyes. He wanted her to see this.

"Addison," he said quietly, but as firmly as he dared. "This is not your fault. It is not your fault."

Her eyes filled with tears. _"It is."_

"No, Addison. It's not."

"It is."

"No. It's not."

"It's karma."

Derek blinked. "What?"

Addison fidgeted in his lap. She reached up to try and pull his hands off of her, but Derek wouldn't let her. He didn't want her to hide.

Finally, she gave up tugging at his hand and settled for closing her eyes. Her voice, when she spoke, was heartbreaking.

"It's my fault. I deserved it."

"Addison …"

"I'm a bad person." Addison opened her eyes and looked at Derek. He could see the tears shining in them. "I was a bad d-daughter. I was a bad wife. I-I ch-cheated … on you. I-I hurt you … I hurt Mark … I hurt Ca … Callie …" Addison choked on a sob. Her good hand flew to her eye, her palm digging in, trying to prevent herself from crying.

It didn't work.

"I hurt everyone! I'm a bad person. I d-deserve this!" The tears were pouring faster now. "I'm so … so s-sorry, Derek. I'm so, so s-sorry."

Derek couldn't take it anymore. He pulled Addison's hand away from her face so he could get a better look at her.

"Addison!" His voice was sharp, but the look in his eyes was gentle. He just wanted her to listen to him. "That is not true. That is _not _true. You are not a bad person. You are a _good _person. You made mistakes, but you are not a bad person. And you do not – _you do not! _– deserve this. Do you hear me? What happened to you is not your fault and _you do not deserve it_."

"But I hurt you …"

"I don't care, Addie. That doesn't matter. This isn't your fault."

"But maybe …"

"No 'but maybe's'."

"But what if …"

"No. Addison. No. This isn't your fault. You didn't deserve this. And nothing that you did would make you deserve this."

"But … But I don't remember … What if I maybe did something …?"

"No, you didn't."

"You don't _know _that."

"Addison." Derek was already holding her face in his hands, but now he leaned in, so close his nose was touching hers. He made sure when he spoke it was slow and steady. "It doesn't matter what you did. It doesn't matter how awful you think you are. It doesn't matter if you were running around that church naked, flirting with every guy within a mile of it. You. Do. Not. Deserve. What. Happened. To you. _It is not your fault_.

"It's. Not. Your. Fault."

It was so quiet Derek thought he could almost hear noise from the room next door. But he wasn't going to move. Instead, he just stared at Addison, his eyes boring into hers, as though he could bore his message straight into her head. There was no way in hell he was going to let her think that this was in any way, shape or form something she did or, worse, something she deserved.

Addison blinked.

"Derek?" Her voice was timid.

"Addie?"

"If you say it didn't happen because I did something … or because I-I deserve it …"

"You didn't. And you don't."

"But Derek?" The tears that had stopped just moments before were back.

"Yes, Addie?"

"But then, _why? Why did this happen to me?_"

Derek could see the confusion in her eyes, he could hear the pain in her voice. His mind turned furtively …

But there was nothing.

"I don't know, Addie. I don't know."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Okay, first of all, I am so, so, so, so, so, (a million times so) very sorry. I'm sure you all thought I had dropped off the face of the earth, and although I did not, I did sort of feel like I had. Nothing bad, just basically I got a promotion at work – which, yay – except boss forgot to mention that new job? Like a million times busier than old job. And oh yeah, this first project? Will be like non-stop work for the first few weeks. And by non-stop, I pretty much mean that literally. But now, project is done, work trip to San Francisco is done, and finally I have time to update. But enough about me – I am really, really sorry. I hope to never have a delay like this again. But to make up for it, this is kind of an extra-long chapter. I thought about breaking it up, but I figured I owed you.**

**To all of you who reviewed last chapter, you guys are so awesome. Thank you so much. I love you all. I also owe all of you PMs and you will get them, hopefully soon. And Jen, I especially owe you like a hundred PMs, which are coming. I promise!! So hopefully you don't hate me.**

**Anyway, thanks for sticking with me everyone through the long delay (though I would be pissed at me, so I'd understand if you didn't). But enough of my rambling – here's the next chapter …**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

It was quiet in the hotel room. Except for the occasional sniffle from Addison or the soft crinkle of the sheets as Derek rubbed her back, there was no other noise to speak of.

Until a low grumble filled the air.

Addison, who was again curled safely into Derek's side under the covers, giggled into his shoulder, and Derek felt his heart surge at the sound.

"Is someone hungry?" she whispered, as Derek's stomach emitted another, louder rumble.

"Hey," he protested. "It is almost ten o'clock!"

"And you are always hungry," she said.

"That is true." Derek's voice turned serious, and he tightened his arms around her. "But you should eat something, too, Addison. You haven't had anything all day."

She sighed. "I don't feel good."

"Addison …"

"No," she repeated. "I really don't feelgood."

This time Derek rolled over, to get a good look at her. She didn't look much different than earlier – sure, she was still really pale and she was still bathed in sweat, but she had looked like that since she had woken up from her nightmare so he hadn't thought too much of it before.

Derek removed one of his hands from her back where he was holding her and pressed it against her forehand. Quickly, he removed it.

She was burning up.

"Told you," she said softly as she noted his reaction.

Derek frowned. "Addison, do you have a thermometer somewhere around here?"

Addison shook her head.

"Addison," he scolded. "You're a doctor."

"And I never get sick," she said.

He sighed. She was right. He could count on one hand the number of times he remembered Addison actually being sick enough that she had to stay home from work. And most of those times were because he forced her to.

"Well," he said softly. "I think you are now."

"Oh." Derek watched as Addison's eyes flooded with tears for the countless time that day. "That's just great."

"Hey." Derek pulled her closer, rubbing her back again. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay. But first, I think I should order us some food. You really do need to eat something."

The pit in the center of his stomach was quickly making Derek aware of just how hungry he was.

"I'm not hungry," Addison murmured against his chest.

"I know," he said into her hair. "But it'll be good for you. I'll just get you some soup or something. And …" He pulled back so he could look into her eyes. "if you're good, I'll even get you some chocolate pudding."

Addison gave him a watery smile at that. "I like pudding," she said.

Derek smiled back at her and tapped her on the nose. "I know."

Carefully, Derek extracted himself from around her, positioning her back against the pillows, then handing her the TV remote, which had been lying on the table next to the bed.

"Find something to watch," he told her. "I'll order us some food."

Twenty minutes later a knock sounded on the door. Addison was again curled into Derek's side as the two of them watched some old episode of "Law & Order" — he had been hoping she would pick something a little less intense, like "Friends" or "Seinfeld," but Addison seemed mesmerized and so far no one on the show had been sexually assaulted in any way, so he let her be — and she jumped at the sound, so much so that Derek thought she literally became airborne for a few seconds. Her good hand, which had been tucked under her head, instantly clutched on to Derek, her nails, short but still sharp, digging painfully into his still-bare chest. He had never put his shirt back on after it got wet.

"Hey," he winced, reaching up to ease her hand off of him. "It's just room service, Addie. It's okay."

He waited a couple seconds to make sure her breathing returned to normal, then he once again eased out of her grip to open the door. The delivery guy smiled cheerfully at him and made a move to enter the room, but Derek blocked his path and reached for the tray himself, handing the guy a rather generous tip at the same time.

Addison had managed to sit up by the time Derek returned to her side with the tray. The first thing he noticed was the grimace on her face.

"Addie?" he asked, dropping the tray on the bed next to her.

Addison's hand moved to her ribs on her left side. "It … hurts … a lot," she breathed out.

"Okay." Derek nodded. "I'll get you another pain pill. I want you to eat something, though."

Addison didn't answer, but she let him balance the tray on her lap, with the open steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup, and took the spoon he handed her. Neither of them moved for a few seconds, until Addison sighed and seemed to realize that Derek wasn't going to get her the pill until she ate something. Slowly, she moved her spoon toward the soup and dipped in it. Her hand was shaking — whether from pain or fear or not having her other hand to balance things with, Derek wasn't really sure — and on the trek from the soup to her mouth, she somehow managed to spill half of it down her front.

Addison looked down miserably at the mess she had made.

"Hey," Derek said, forcing a smile to his lips to try and prevent her from getting too upset, "It's okay. It's hard to do things with one. I know. Remember when I broke my arm back when we were dating? I couldn't do anything. I was a mess."

He had been hoping to get a positive reaction out of Addison, but instead she just shook her head sadly.

"I don't want to be a mess," she whispered. She wouldn't look at him, and he noticed the spoon, still in her hand, was now shaking violently.

Derek reached out and took her trembling hand in his.

"It's going to be okay, Addie. It is. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it's going to be okay." He pulled his hand back. "I'm going to eat my sandwich. I won't watch you. But try to eat something, okay?"

Derek thought he could just make out a nod as he stood up to get his own dinner. He was starving.

Less than ten minutes later, he had engulfed the entire sandwich and all the fries. It was only then that he turned back to Addison.

She was dangling the spoon in the bowl, aimlessly swirling it around. Judging from the amount of liquid in the bowl, he didn't think she could have taken more than a couple bites. But the wet spots on the front of her pajamas and the broth dripping off her chin made him wonder if she had actually gotten any of it in her mouth.

Sighing, he went and got her the pain pills Bailey had given them.

"Thanks," she said quietly when he handed them to her, then winced as she tried to shift positions.

Derek frowned. "How about I go get you some ice? To ice your ribs. It'll probably help them feel better. Would you like that?"

Addison nodded.

"Okay," he said. He reached over to take the soup out of her way, swapping it with the little bowl of pudding he also had ordered for her.

"I'll be right back. Eat your pudding."

Derek grabbed the ice bucket off the top of the fridge and headed for the door. Addison's cry stopped him.

"Don't leave me!"

Derek whirled around. Addison's eyes were wide with terror, her spoon frozen in mid-air.

"Addie. I'm just going to get ice for you." He tried to keep his voice as calm and soothing as possible. "I will be right back."

"But … But …"

"Addie, hey." Derek was back by her side, reaching out to stroke her hair. "I will be right back. I'll just be gone for a minute. I promise."

He hurried across the room, grabbing the key card as he went, and rushed out the door. He remembered seeing an ice machine near the elevator when they came up earlier. Luckily, no one else was using it, and true to his word, Derek was opening the door to Addison's room barely more than a minute later.

The second he stepped inside he heard an audible sigh come from across the room. He stared at her.

"I told you I would come back." He heard the hint of annoyance that crept into his voice, albeit unintentionally, and winced inside. Addison, though, didn't seem to notice.

"Yeah," she breathed. "But …"

"But you thought I wasn't going to?"

"No. … Yes. … No. … I thought …"

"I told you I would be back." Derek's voice was louder than he meant it to be. Instantly, he saw Addison pull back into the pillows behind her.

"You didn't come back before," she whispered. "In New York …"

Before he knew what he was saying, the words were out of his mouth. "Really, Addison? Well, maybe that's because I caught you screwing my best friend in my bed. Of course I didn't come back. This, however, is an entirely different situation!"

He didn't realize he was glaring at her until she started to cry. Instantly, he felt the well-up of anger slip away as fast as it had come.

"I'm sorry." He moved closer to her. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said that. This isn't the time. I'm sorry."

He continued. "Addie, I'm not going to leave you, okay? I'm not going to leave you. Not until I know you are okay. I promise."

Addison reached up to wipe some of her tears away. Derek headed into the bathroom. He wanted to put the ice in a towel before putting it on her injured ribs, and he figured she could use a minute to compose herself. That, and he needed a moment to berate himself. How could he have said that to her?

_Idiot, _he thought to himself.

He let a few minutes pass before re-emerging with his ice compress. Addison had pushed her dinner tray down her legs as far as she could reach. She hadn't touched the pudding, but he didn't say anything; he just moved it out of the way, then came back and sat by her side.

"You'll probably feel better if you lie down."

Addison didn't answer — he knew she was still hurt by his words — but she let Derek move her back to a prone position. Her injured arm was resting on her stomach, and carefully, Derek lifted it and moved it to her side. Then slowly he lifted Addison's pajama top, until the huge swollen bruise on her left side was revealed. Carefully, he placed the towel with the ice on top of her injury.

She winced at the coldness against her skin.

Derek reached out and gently squeezed her hand. "I really am sorry, Addie. I just want to help you. I don't want to make you cry."

Addison sniffled. "Derek?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I don't want to be alone anymore." Addison stared imploringly at him, and Derek suddenly felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't sure it was a good idea, but he did it anyway.

"You're not going to be. I'm right here."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Addison was asleep again, her good hand placed over the ice that was still numbing her painful ribs. Derek watched her carefully. Her breathing seemed uneven and a lot raspier than before. He let his fingers brush over her forehead, and sighed when he realized her skin felt like it was on fire.

He looked down. He had pulled back on his jeans from earlier, but they were stiff and uncomfortable, a result of being left to dry on their own.

He contemplated his next step. He needed to get a thermometer for her. And he could really use a change of clothes. He couldn't stay in these forever. Tomorrow, maybe, he could run out to the trailer to get some things. Or maybe he could get Meredith to do it. But it might be good to have some now. He could probably call up Mark and ask to borrow something, but that wasn't really an appealing prospect.

Derek ran his fingers through his hair and mentally calculated it. He figured he had at least 30 minutes before Addison woke up or had a nightmare again. He could run down to the gift shop, buy a quick changes of clothes, hopefully purchase a first-aid kit, and be back before she ever knew he was gone.

His mind made up, Derek sprang into action.

Grabbing his shirt from where he had left it in the bathroom, he pulled it on, grabbed the key card and made his way as quietly as he could out the door, letting it shut softly behind him with barely a click. He breathed a sigh of relief as, just seconds after pushing the button to call the elevator, the doors slid open, revealing its empty contents.

The rest of his trip down to the lobby went just as smoothly. He didn't see anyone else, and the elevator didn't stop again as it plunged twenty-two floors. Derek hurried into the first clothing store he spotted, grabbing a couple shirts and a pair of slacks from the racks, not bothering to stop to check the price or even to care much about what they looked like. He handed his credit card to the clerk, avoided small talk and hurried through the lobby, past the other clothing stores and the restaurants, looking for the shop that might contain a first-aid kit.

He finally spotted it at the end of the row of shops, filled with stuffed animals and I Love Seattle tee shirts and toothbrushes that probably cost ten dollars. He hurried inside, looking anxiously around for where a thermometer might possibly be hidden.

He was in such a rush, he didn't even notice the dark-haired woman, the only other person even in the vicinity apart from the sales clerk, until he had run right into her.

"Derek!"

"Callie?" Derek blinked in confusion as he took a step back to see the orthopedic resident smiling softly at him, two greeting cards fluttering in her outstretched hands.

"What are you doing?" She gestured to the bags in his hands.

"Oh, um," he stammered. "I needed clothes. All my stuff is at the trailer. Or at Meredith's. And these got all wet."

Callie raised an eyebrow, but a second later her features folded into concern. "How is she?" she almost whispered.

Derek sighed, setting his bags on the ground by his feet. It almost felt nice to actually be able to talk to someone else about it.

"Not so good. She's terrified. Having nightmares. She has a fever. And I think her injuries are really hurting her, too."

"Yeah, I heard. Broken wrist and fractured ribs? That's rough."

Derek pointed to the cards Callie was still waving around in her hands. "What are you doing?"

"Oh." A slight flush rose on Callie's cheeks. "I wanted to do something for her. Make her feel better. But, I don't know, what kind of card do you get for someone who was raped? 'Get well soon' doesn't seem quite right, I mean, she's not really sick, but neither does 'I'm sorry.' I was thinking flowers, but is that really appropriate? Are flowers really going to make her feel better? So, then I thought stuffed animal. Everyone needs a teddy bear to hug. But then I thought, teddy bear? Addison? Somehow she doesn't strike me as a teddy bear kind of girl. So I'm back to cards." She frowned.

"I don't know what to do," she said sadly.

Thoughts were flying through Derek's head. It had never actually occurred to him to get anything for Addison. But more than that, staring at the woman in front of him, who now was again studying the cards in her hands, a snippet of earlier in the day was re-playing itself in his head.

"She said you're mad at her. She said you hate her."

"What?" Callie's head flew up, and she stared at him open-mouthed. "She … what?"

"She said you hate her," Derek repeated.

"No … I don't … She said that?" Callie looked incredulous.

Derek nodded. "This morning. She needed an X-ray. For her wrist. We told her we'd call you, but she was so upset. She said she hurt you, and you hated her."

"My God." The cards fluttered from Callie's fingers as her hands pressed themselves over her mouth. "That's why … when I saw her … when you guys were leaving … that's why she wouldn't look at me. Oh my God."

"Callie, what happened?" Derek knew he needed to get moving, but he also wanted to know. Maybe if he knew, he could help Addison in some way.

Callie didn't answer. She was still contemplating what Derek had told her.

"Callie," he repeated. "What happened?"

She raised her eyes to meet his. "We had a fight, Derek. A fight. A big fight. A huge fight. I said things, she said a couple things, I said more things. We had a fight. But it was a fight. It was just a fight. Friends fight. They do. It sucks, but it happens. How can she think … how can she think that because of one fight I wouldn't care what happens to her, that I wouldn't want to be there for her?"

Derek could see the hurt in Callie's eyes, and he reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Don't take it personally."

"Don't take it personally?" Callie frowned. "We had a fight …"

"I know," Derek interrupted. "But you have to understand. Addison — she's just reacting right now. She's not thinking, she's not analyzing, she's just reacting. She's scared and she's hurt and she's just clinging."

"And her reaction is that I don't care about her?"

"No. Her reaction is that no one cares."

"What?"

Derek sighed. "I don't know how much Addison has told you … about things … but Callie, it's not you. Just believe me when I say, Addison — she doesn't have much experience with people giving her second chances just because."

"Really?" Callie raised an eyebrow and Derek instantly felt guilty, but thankfully for him, she didn't press it. Instead, she turned back to study the greeting cards. Derek took the moment to scan the aisles, finally noticing a set of band-aids and antiseptics at the end of the aisle he was standing near. He hurried down it, feeling a wave of relief as tucked between the cough syrup and the aspirin he spotted a thermometer.

He grabbed it, as her voice came from behind him, making him jump.

"It was yesterday morning."

Derek turned around. Callie was focusing him with a penetrating stare.

"I was having a bad day. I mean, a _really_ bad day. There's all this stuff going on with George and Izzie, and I'd been trying to figure out what to do and thinking maybe George and I should have a baby …"

Derek raised an eyebrow, but the second Callie shot him a glare, he decided to keep his mouth shut and let her continue.

"I went into an on-call room. I just had to get away. From everyone. And Addison. She was in there. She was upset, about something. I think the chief job. But lately, Addison's been upset about a lot of things, and I wasn't really in the mood to pay attention to her …"

* * *

"_He told me to get a life, Callie!" Addison was pacing. "He told me to get a life. I deserved that job. I deserve it. I deserve …"_

"_Addison!" Callie snapped. "Do you mind? Everything is not always about you."_

_She hadn't meant to yell at her, but thoughts were whizzing through her head. George. Izzie. George. Izzie. George. Izzie._

"_I'm sorry." Addison was instantly by her side. "Callie, what's wrong?"_

"_Nothing. George. Izzie. George and Izzie. Uggghhh!" Callie pressed her hands to her temples in frustration._

"_Oh," Addison said softly. "That."_

"_Oh, that?" Callie repeated. "I'm sorry. This is only my marriage we're talking about. Silly me. I should realize my marital issues aren't nearly as important as your job status."_

"_I didn't mean …"_

"_But then, hey, you already messed up your marriage, so why worry about someone's else's?"_

"_That's not fair." Hurt flashed across Addison's face._

_Callie sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm saying. I just keep having this feeling that there is something I'm missing with George and Izzie. If I didn't know better, I would say he might have slept with her, but that's crazy, right?"_

_Addison didn't answer. In fact, she was looking past Callie to the door._

"_Addison, what do you know?"_

"_I … I don't … I shouldn't."_

_And suddenly Callie couldn't take it anymore. It was like all the stresses of the past few weeks just all at once came to a crashing head. _

"_Addison!" She almost shouted. "If you know something, I need you to tell me. Now!"_

_Addison was shaking her head. "I don't know anything," she said hurriedly, "I mean maybe. I don't know. A few weeks ago, Stevens was talking to me. About sleeping with someone she shouldn't have. And I didn't really think about it. I mean, I did, but I …" she trailed off as she noticed Callie's glare. _

"_I should have told you," she finished._

"_Ya think?" Callie couldn't believe this. Her worst nightmare. George had slept with Izzie. She was sure of it now. She'd had a feeling, but this. This just confirmed it._

_And Addison had known. _

"_What the hell is wrong with you?" Callie screamed at the red-haired surgeon standing in front of her, the woman she thought of as one of her best friends. Addison took a step back, hitting the bunk beds, but Callie didn't notice. She needed to let her rage out, and Addison was the one who was closest._

"_You knew?? You knew!! All these weeks, I've been coming to you, asking you advice, telling you my fears, my insecurities. All these weeks! And you've known. And you haven't said anything. You didn't say anything!!_

"_Oh my God!" A revelation hit Callie so hard it stunned her. "You were protecting him! And her. You were protecting them!"_

"_No …" Addison tried to speak but Callie wouldn't stop._

"_But of course you would, wouldn't you, Addison? Because you're a cheater, too. You did the exact same thing. So what should I expect? Of course you would be on their side. You're just like them!"_

"_Callie … stop …"_

"_I can't believe I trusted you! I can't believe I confided in you! I should have listened to everyone else. You really are a manipulative bitch."_

_Callie knew she had gone too far, but she couldn't stop herself. She had to get out of there. So she finished it._

"_You really should go to L.A., Addison. You did your damage here."_

"_Callie …" _

"_No." Callie held up a hand. "Don't even talk to me. I don't want to see you again. Ever."_

_And with that, Callie was out the door and down the hall. Later she would realize Addison had been crying when she left her, but at that moment, the only thing that had been on her mind was figuring out what to do about George and Izzie._

* * *

"Wow." Derek didn't know what to say. Callie stopped talking and took a breath.

"I'm sorry," he finally said. "About George."

"Yeah," Callie nodded. "Me too."

"Have you talked to him?"

"No. I'm still figuring things out. But Derek, that's not really the point."

"Oh." He nodded. "Right."

"I shouldn't have said those things to her." Callie shook her head. "I was just so mad."

"It's understandable …"

"But she got hurt, Derek. She got hurt." Tears welled in Callie's eyes. "Someone hurt her, and she probably felt so alone. I told her no one wanted her. She probably believed me."

Derek didn't think it would be nice to mention that, knowing Addison the way he did, that probably was what she had been thinking.

"It was just a fight, Callie. You said so yourself."

"I know, but …"

"I'll talk to her. She doesn't hate you. I'm sure she'll want to see you. She just might need a little time. She's really scared right now."

"Okay," Callie was nodding. "I just wish there was something I could do."

Derek smiled. "Buy her the bear. I know she doesn't look like it, but when we were married, she used to keep this little bear her mom gave her when she was a baby in a box under the bed, and when she thought I didn't know, she'd pull it out and hold it. She'll like the bear. But," Derek glanced at his watch. "I really have to go. If she wakes up and I'm not there …"

"Oh." Callie's eyes widened. "Yeah."

Together they hurried off to the cashier, paid for their purchases and caught the elevator back upstairs.

When the doors opened on her floor, Callie turned to Derek and handed him the bag with the bear. "Tell her I love her. And that I'm sorry. For everything."

He smiled. "I will."

Butterflies were doing a tango in his stomach by the time the elevator opened on the twenty-second floor. It had been nearly an hour since he had left her.

"_Please let her be asleep. Please let her be asleep."_

He slid the key card into the door, waited for the green light, then pushed open the door, light from the hall streaming into the room.

"Oh my God."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Okay, so this wasn't exactly the quick update that I promised. Though, in comparison to the last time, it is much, much quicker. Doesn't that count for something? ;) Anyway, hopefully this chapter will make some of you happy. It's been a long time coming …**

**And for all of you awesome people who reviewed, you are so getting lots of presents from Santa this year!! I love you all!! Thank you for sticking with me!**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Addie!"

Derek stood horror-stricken, taking in the sight in front of him, the bags in his hands slipping out to fall to the ground. He didn't even realize he hadn't moved until the door shut behind him with a loud thud.

Instantly he was by her side.

She was on the floor, face down, her head dangerously close to the leg of a table. It took him a few seconds to realize the muffled sound ringing in his ears was that of Addison crying.

"Addie?" he whispered as he knelt down beside her, his one hand moving to rest on the back of her head as he anxiously tried to check to see if she was hurt.

He felt Addison jerk at his touch. The next second she was choking. Then she was coughing.

"Oh, God." Quickly Derek ran his hands along her body, trying to deduce what happened and whether it would be okay to roll her over.

Her coughing was getting worse. Underneath his hands, he could feel her wriggling, trying to move so she could get some air.

Praying he wasn't going to hurt her anymore than she already was, Derek quickly grasped her sides and flipped her over on to her back. Then as carefully and as quickly as he could, he slid an arm under her back and lifted her into a sitting position, rubbing her back as she continued to cough and choke and gag.

"Just try to breathe, Addie. Just try to breathe." He reached out to push her damp red strands out of her face, sucking in his breath. Blood was dripping down the left side of her head.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Addison's coughing subsided, and she drew in a shaky breath.

"Derek?" she whispered.

She turned her head to look at him, and he pulled her into his lap, tightening his grip around her. Instantly he felt her body tremble and, sure enough, he saw the tears dripping down her cheeks.

"I'm s-sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Addie." Derek wanted to know what happened, but right now he was more worried about her head injury. "It's okay. But I need to make sure you're okay. Will you let me make sure you're okay?"

"I'm s-sorry," she stuttered again.

"Addie, I'm going to lay you back down. And I'm going to go get a rag for your head. Okay?"

"I'm sorry!"

Derek sighed. She was not making this easy.

Careful not to jar her, he slowly lifted her off his lap and back on to the floor, but as he went to lower her upper body to the ground, she suddenly reached around with her good hand and grabbed hold of his arm. Her eyes were wide and tears were still dripping down her cheeks, mingling with the blood, and pooling on the shoulder of her pajamas.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I thought … you weren't … I got ... I'm sorry!"

Derek still couldn't figure out what she was apologizing for, but her nails were digging into his arm and for the first time since he had gotten back, he realized that she was sweating, probably from her fever.

By now, Derek was getting the impression that she wasn't going to let him up. Carefully, he reached for her hand and managed to pry her fingers off long enough to pull his t-shirt over his head. Balling it up, he placed the wad of material over the gash above her eyebrow, which he realized by looking around that she must have gotten from falling against the table.

He sighed, keeping one hand on her head, the other hand reaching up to softly stroke her cheek. Her hand returned to his wrist, and she held on like she wasn't planning on letting go.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, Addie. Tell me what happened."

"I'm sorry."

Derek tried another tactic. "You woke up and I wasn't here?"

That seemed to work. Addison paused, then she nodded. "Yes," she said softly.

"You wanted to go find me?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"You … you …." Addison trailed off, lowering her head to stare at her lap.

"You can tell me, Addie. It's okay. Why are you sorry?"

"I don't want you to be mad at me." It was barely a whisper.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"You said you wouldn't leave me, and I … I didn't believe you." Addison ducked her head even lower.

"Addie …"

"I thought you were gone, and I got up, and I … I …"

"And you fell?"

"I fell."

"You were scared?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

"No." Derek put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up so she was looking at him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you. I went to get some clothes, but I shouldn't have left you. That wasn't nice of me."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. And I won't do it again. Now …" He moved his hand back to stroke her cheek again. "Will you let me look at you?"

Addison nodded.

"Good girl."

This time Addison let Derek lay her back on the ground. He used the last remaining clean towel in the bathroom to wash the blood off her face. It wasn't a deep gash, and it had stopped bleeding. He also lifted her shirt to feel her ribs. He wanted to make sure she hadn't done any more damage when she fell.

She whimpered as his fingers grazed over her skin.

"Ow."

"It hurts, I know. Let's get you back into bed, and put some more ice on it. I'm going to pick you up. Is that okay?" He remembered her reaction earlier in the shower and wanted to make sure she felt entirely in control of the situation.

Addison nodded, this time even lifting up her head and bending her knees to help Derek as he scooped her up and carried her back to bed.

Once she was securely tucked in and a new ice pack was resting on her side, Derek finally remembered the packages he had dropped on the floor.

"Hey," he said. He was sitting on the edge of the bed next to her, holding her good hand in one of his and balancing the ice pack with the other. "I saw Callie downstairs."

Addison blinked. "You saw Callie?"

"Yeah, I did. She's really worried about you."

Addison frowned. "But," she struggled for words. "She _hates _me."

Derek shook his head. "No, she doesn't Addie. She loves you. She said to tell you she loves you. And that she's sorry she hurt you."

"I hurt her."

Derek squeezed her hand. "You didn't mean to. You were trying to be a good friend. Callie knows that."

Addison didn't look like she believed him, but she didn't say anything. He smiled at her. "She got something for you."

Addison cocked her head and arched an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Hang on a second." He let go of her hand and made his way to the bags still on the floor where they had fallen. He grabbed the bag Callie had given him and made his way back to Addison. He held it out to her, angling it in such a way that it was easy for her to reach in and grab her present.

He watched as she pulled out the little white bear, her expression changing from one of curiosity to comprehension and finally to a small smile.

"He looks like Bruno." She pulled the little bear into her chest.

"Callie wanted you to have a friend. She didn't think you were a teddy bear person, but I told her your little secret: that you have a soft spot for all soft and cuddly things."

"Yeah …" Addison smiled sleepily at her new present. "Thank you, Derek."

Derek reached for her hand again. "Go to sleep, Addie. Bear and I are right here. You're okay."

* * *

This time it wasn't crying nor screaming that woke him. It was gagging. And before he had a chance to fully process what he was hearing and wake up enough to do something about it, the gagging had turned to retching, and then it was all down her front, and the retching turned to crying, which by the time he got his arms around her had turned into full-blown sobbing.

It wasn't until he was holding her against him, her pajamas practically soaking wet, that he realized she was having trouble breathing. Her breath was hitching in her throat, and she almost sounded like she was panting.

"Addison?" Suddenly he was afraid she was going to hyperventilate. He pulled back and grasped her by the shoulders. "Come on, honey, Breathe for me."

It wasn't working. Her breaths were getting shallower and shallower, and he watched her eyes grow wide with terror. Before he could think what to do, she was gagging again, and then once more she was throwing up, vomit going all over her and the sheets.

Quickly, Derek laid her back on the pillows, rolling her over onto her side. The paper bag the teddy bear had come in was lying on the floor. He grabbed it, placing the opening over Addison's mouth, holding it there as tears coursed down her cheeks and she struggled to take a breath.

He rubbed her arm, stroked her hair and paused as he realized just how hot she felt under his touch. The only light in the room was coming from the TV they had left on. It was enough to see her with, but he needed a better look.

He waited until she started to calm down. Once her body had stopped shaking quite as much, Derek lifted her good hand and maneuvered it so she was holding on to the paper bag herself. When he was sure she was going to be okay for a few moments, he stood up, flipping on the light.

Staring at her, he took in her flushed cheeks and her sweat-bathed skin. He couldn't remember her ever looking so sick before. Not even the last time.

The thermometer was still in its own bag on the floor. Derek suddenly felt a surge of panic as he raced over to it, fumbling as he tried to find the right bag, finally pulling out the digital thermometer he had bought, then struggling to get it out of its box.

By the time he got back to her, she was no longer breathing into the bag. Instead her hand had dropped, and she looked listless. Her eyes were glazed over, and she was panting slightly.

"Oh, jeez, Addie." Derek knew something was really wrong even before he popped the thermometer into her mouth. He had to hold it there, because Addison wasn't moving and she didn't even attempt to do it herself.

He pulled it out when it beeped.

One hundred and four.

"Oh, shit."

Derek grabbed his cell phone off the bedside table. He didn't have a choice.

She answered on the third ring.

"Shepherd, this had better be life or death." The voice of Miranda Bailey barked into his ear.

"You said I could call at three in the morning."

"I didn't mean it literally. It was a figure of speech."

"She has a fever. A hundred and four. And she's throwing up and having trouble breathing."

There wasn't even a pause on the other end.

"Can you put her in the car? Is she breathing okay enough for that?"

"I think so. Yes"

"I'll meet you at the hospital in ten minutes."

"Miranda, thank you."

"Ten minutes, Derek." There was a click as Bailey hung up.

Derek turned back to Addison. She hadn't moved. For a second, he debated. She was soaking wet and covered in puke, but he didn't know if he should spend the precious few minutes to change her or not. He knew they were just going to put her in a hospital gown once they got her to Seattle Grace, but he didn't want to add anything to the Addison gossip mill by bringing her in wearing dirty pajamas.

Finally he decided to just get her out of her wet clothes. He pulled off her pajamas as quickly as he could, then yanking the blanket off the bed, he wrapped her up as though she was a little kid and he needed to protect her from the world. Once he had her bundled up, and making sure his wallet, key card and cell phone were in his pocket, he lifted her into his arms.

He felt her stir against him, and then she whimpered.

"Derek?" Her voice was muffled from the blanket, but he could sense her fear.

"I've got you. I'm going to take care of you. We're going to go get you better."

"Derek? I don't feel good."

"I know, Addie. We're going to the hospital. It's going to be okay."

He felt her tense in his arms.

"No hospital," she pleaded.

"Yes, honey. We need to."

He could feel her try to struggle, but she was too feverish and too weak, and a few seconds later he felt her go limp.

"Addie?" He tried to move the blanket away from her face to see if she was still conscious. Her eyes were closed.

"Addie?"

"Uhhhhh …."

Derek breathed a sigh of relief as he heard her soft cry, then without another second of hesitation, he was out the door, down the elevator and to the Jeep.

He arrived at Seattle Grace in record time, and true to her word, Bailey was waiting for them when he snuck in, Addison in his arms, to the emergency room.

Just like the previous morning, when he and Meredith had arrived after finding out Addison had been raped, there was barely anyone around. Bailey pushed aside the blanket to peer at Addison, then without a word, she gestured to Derek, then ushered them to a room in ICU.

Addison whimpered when Derek placed her on the bed.

"Shhhhh." Derek almost cooed to her, as Bailey shoved a thermometer into his hand.

"You said it was a hundred and four?"

"About twenty minutes ago."

"Check it again."

Derek popped the thermometer into Addison's mouth. Instantly, she started struggling, shaking her head back and forth to get him to stop. He could tell she wanted to grab hold of him, but her arm was securely bound by the blanket, and she couldn't.

"Addie." Derek put a hand on her shoulder. "Just relax. It's okay."

But Addison was having none of it. With a seemingly renewed source of energy, she shook her head almost violently, until Derek was forced to take the thermometer out of her mouth for fear she was going to hurt herself.

Derek avoided the glare he was sure Bailey was giving him, and instead positioned himself so he was sitting on the bed next to Addison. He looked her directly in the eyes. Her lower lip was trembling, but he could tell she was struggling not to cry.

"Addie," he said gently, loosening her blankets enough so she could pull her arm out. "I know you don't want to be here. I don't want you to be here either. But we need to know what's wrong with you so we can help you feel better."

Addison sucked in a breath. "You said I could go home."

"I know. And I thought you could. But you're sick, and you know that, and you know you need to let us take care of you."

"I don't want to be here," she whispered mournfully.

"I know," Derek said. "I know."

With a sigh, Addison closed her eyes, then slowly opened them. "Make me better?"

Derek smiled at her. "I'll make you better. I promise."

He popped the thermometer back in her mouth. This time Addison didn't protest. Instead she closed her eyes.

Bailey stepped up to her side, stethoscope in hand. With Derek's help, Bailey pulled Addison's blanket down far enough that Bailey could listen to her lungs. Addison's breathing was better than it had been before they left the hotel, but it was far from normal.

The thermometer beeped.

"One oh four point three," Derek read. "It's going up."

Bailey flung a hospital gown she had seemed to pull out of thin air at him. "Get her dressed. I'll be back."

"Miranda?" Derek stopped her before she could move. He lowered his voice so Addison wouldn't hear. "You think she has pneumonia?"

"We won't know till we do a blood test, Shepherd. You know that."

"Right." Derek turned back to Addison. He knew pneumonia could be a complication of fractured ribs. And most likely she had spent the night she was raped outside, in the cold and in the rain.

He pushed the thought away and instead concentrated on Addison. He managed to unwrap the blanket from around her and slip on the hospital gown before Bailey returned. He had thought Addison might protest, but her energy seemed to have vanished, and once more she was almost listless.

She remained that way as Bailey returned to draw her blood and hook her up to an IV line. Derek sat by her side and held her hand the entire time, but he didn't think she noticed. Her eyes were closed, and she didn't say a word.

Together, Derek and Bailey also slipped a nasal cannula over Addison's face, securing the prongs that would give her oxygen through her nose. Addison fidgeted a little, the first time she had moved in awhile, but she didn't fight them.

"She's still having a hard time breathing," Bailey said once she was hooked up to the oxygen tubes. "This should help. If it doesn't, we can give her an oxygen mask, but I don't think she would like that."

Derek shook his head. "No, she wouldn't."

He had pulled up a chair next to Addison's bed and was now stroking her hair, his eyes studying the rise and fall of her chest as he watched her breathe. Her eyes were still closed, but he wasn't sure if she was asleep or just too sick to open them.

He felt Bailey pull up a chair beside him.

"How's she doing?"

Derek turned to face Bailey. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Not so good. She's having nightmares. She freaks out every time I leave her alone to even go to the bathroom."

Bailey nodded. "That's to be expected."

"Yeah."

They were quiet, the only sound in the room being Addison's raspy breath.

"When will we know?" Derek finally broke the silence.

Bailey checked her watch. "The results should be ready soon. I had them rush them."

"If it's pneumonia, she's going to have to be here for awhile. She's going to hate that. Doctors and nurses and interns all looking at her. Touching her." Derek almost shivered at the thought of putting Addison through that.

"I'll do what I can, Derek. But I don't know how long we can protect her."

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "I know."

"But I will try."

"Me too."

"You should go get some rest. She's sleeping. You should too."

"I can't."

"Derek …"

"No. I think I've left her enough times today. I'm going to stay."

Bailey gave a little hmpphhh noise. "Fine." She stood up. "I'll be back when I know something."

Then she was gone.

It seemed liked just minutes later when he heard the door open behind him.

"That was fa …"

The words died in his throat. It wasn't Bailey.

"Hey." Meredith fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Hey."

"Bailey said you were here." She gestured to Addison. "I heard. She's sick?"

"Yeah. We think it's pneumonia."

"Oh." Meredith bit her lip. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." He changed the subject. "I thought you were with Cristina."

She nodded. "I am. I was. She wanted to boss around some interns. So intern bossing. Here we are." She spread her arms out to indicate the area around her.

"I see."

"But actually, um, I needed to find you for something else."

"Oh?"

"A man, um, he wants to see Addison."

Derek's eyes narrowed. "Who?"

"Me."

Derek heard him before he saw him. A deep, low voice. He felt his stomach clench.

He whirled around toward the bed. Addison's eyes were open. Derek had no idea she was even awake, but amazingly enough she was beaming. It was as though someone had just told her Christmas was coming early this year.

He turned back toward the door just as he stepped through. A tall man, broad shouldered, gray hair, now receding a little, and piercing blue eyes that got Derek every time. Every inch of him, from the fitted suit he was wearing to his very demeanor, screamed out that this man was a force to be reckoned with.

His heart sank. Behind him, he could hear Addison struggling to sit up.

"Daddy!"


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Okay … So it's been like … way too long of time since I updated. I'm blaming work, and the fact that I had a hard time with this chapter. It's kind of a transitional chapter, so I wanted to make sure I got it right. But good news? No more crazy work projects until end of January, so updates should (hopefully) be a lot more frequent for a while. **

**And to everyone who reviewed: Sorry for the lack of a personalized response these past couple times, but every single comment you guys make means the world to me. I can't thank you all enough.**

**Anyway, here you all go. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

"Derek!" Arthur Montgomery smiled broadly at his former son-in-law, who was stumbling to his feet at the other man's arrival. "It's been awhile."

"Uh …yeah," Derek managed to mutter, but the older man wasn't listening. He was already turning his attention to Meredith, who was staring at him slack-jawed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't introduce myself before." He stuck out his hand and smiled winningly at her. "I'm Arthur Montgomery. Addison's father."

Meredith cast Derek a furtive glance, but she smiled. "Nice to, uh, meet you," she stammered. "I'm … uh … Meredith. Meredith Grey."

"Meredith, huh?" Instantly the elder Montgomery's eyebrows shot up. He appeared to be contemplating her. "So you're Meredith …."

"Uhhh …."

"I've heard a lot about you."

"Oh, uhhh …" Meredith shot Derek a look, willing him to say something, anything.

"Yeah …" Derek started.

Arthur clapped him on the shoulder, but didn't take his eyes off Meredith.

"Don't worry, son." His smile grew larger. "I can see why you like her. You've made a good choice!"

For definitely not the first time in Derek and his former father-in-law's history together, Derek was at a loss for words. Meredith was too as she just stared at the man in front of them, whose eyes finally landed on his daughter.

Addison was still struggling to sit up, but her lips were turned up in this goofy smile she always seemed to get around her father, a smile that Derek often thought made her look like she was high on something.

"Oh sweetheart." Arthur Montgomery's eyes softened, the sparkle quickly draining out of them as he took in his daughter's appearance. Despite the silly smile she was sporting, she was pretty much a mess — she was still deathly white, her skin still coated with sweat from her fever, a cast on her arm, bruises covering her face, tubes in her nose. "What did you do, honey?

He bent down, to hug her or kiss her, Derek wasn't sure, but it didn't matter. Addison flung her arms out, trying to turn toward her father, but the movement was too much, too fast. In a second, she was coughing, then gagging and choking, and Derek knew it was going to happen before it did.

Quickly, Derek pushed her father out of the way. There was a little pink tray on the table beside her bed, but Derek wasn't fast enough. Before he could position it under her mouth, she'd already thrown up everywhere, on her good hand, on the blanket, on the hospital gown she had on.

Instantly Addison's eyes filled with tears, even as she continued to cough. She looked horrified. And ashamed.

Derek signaled to Meredith. With her help, the two of them gently eased Addison back against the pillows, Derek stroking her hair as he waited for her coughs to subside and her breathing to return to as normal as possible. He could feel the tension in her body, and for the countless time in the past 24 hours, Derek felt his heart break even more for everything that she was going through.

"Just take a breath, Add," Derek told her softly as her coughs finally turned into little hiccups.

During the whole incident, Derek could feel Addison's father hovering just over his shoulder, peering intently at his daughter, but Derek forced himself not to turn around.

Finally Addison let out a shaky sigh, blinking furiously to keep the tears at bay. Her breathing was raspy and labored, but at least she wasn't coughing or gagging.

"What was that? What's wrong with her?"

Arthur reached out to pat Addison gently on the arm. The gesture almost seemed to make Addison shrink back into her pillow as far as she could. She stared down at her chest and the mess she had made on her hospital gown. Derek had a feeling she was trying to make herself disappear.

"Addison?" Arthur said.

"I'm sorry." Addison's voice came out as a whisper, but she didn't look up.

"This isn't her fault," Derek said quickly.

"Of course it isn't. I just want to know what's wrong with my daughter. When I called here, they said she was — "

"She was." Derek cut in. He didn't want to talk about the rape to her father in front of Addison. That was one conversation he wanted to spare her.

"Well, then why …"

"She has pneumonia." Bailey's voice came from the doorway. Three of the four heads in the room swiveled around to face her. Addison kept her gaze fixated on her chest.

Bailey walked to the foot of the bed and frowned at what she saw: Derek looking like he was in a face off with a man Bailey had never seen before, Addison who was suddenly covered in vomit, and Meredith who, somehow, unseen by the two men during the chaos, had managed to whip a towel seemingly out of thin air and now had one hand under Addison's chin, tilting it up, as she tried to clean her up a little bit.

Bailey turned to the strange man first.

"And you are?"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Again the charming Arthur Montgomery smile was back. Derek had to fight the urge to throw up himself. "I'm Arthur Montgomery. Addison's father. And you must be one of her wonderful doctors?"

Bailey actually smiled at that. Derek tried not to groan.

"Miranda Bailey," she said.

"Ahhh. Addison mentioned you. She said you're one of the best surgeons at this hospital."

"Did she?"

"So she has pneumonia?" Derek interrupted.

"Yes, tests confirmed." Bailey turned her attention back to a motionless Addison, who was now letting Meredith lift and clean her hand. "What happened?"

"Accident," Derek said. "She got excited and tried to move."

"I thought she was raped. How did she get pneumonia?"

Derek saw Addison shudder slightly at her father's words. Bailey did, too.

"You know what," she said. "Why don't we have Meredith explain everything to you? Derek and I will clean up your daughter, and when you get back, you can spend some time with her if you'd like."

"It's okay to stay with her?"

"She's in a lot of pain, and we have her on a lot of medication, so she's probably going to be pretty sleepy, but otherwise, I'm sure she would love it if you were here."

"That sounds really nice."

"Okay, then. Meredith?"

Meredith handed the towel she was using to Derek, then quickly made her way around the bed to Arthur.

"We could go get some coffee?" she suggested. "You've probably had a long trip, and I'm sure you could use some. I know I could."

"That sounds great."

Bailey waited until the door had closed behind Arthur and Meredith before turning her attention to Addison, who still refused to look at anyone.

"Addison Montgomery …" Bailey began. "What were you ….?"

"She didn't …" Derek started.

"I'm so stupid." Addison's voice was a whisper, but Derek and Bailey both heard her. Instantly Bailey's expression and tone softened.

"Oh, Addison. You're not stupid. You just need to be a little careful."

Bailey made her way around the bed, taking the spot just moments ago vacated by Meredith.

"Speaking of careful," Bailey said slowly. "We need to put in a catheter, honey."

Addison's head shot up at that, her eyes wide. She shook her head. "But …"

"Addison," Bailey said. "We can't have you getting up to go to the bathroom every couple of hours. You need to stay in bed. Rest. Be still.

"Don't worry," she continued. "I'll do it. I'll be fast."

Addison sighed, then coughed again.

"Derek, why don't you clean her up?" Bailey handed Derek a new hospital gown she found in one of the drawers in the room. "I'll go get everything and be back."

"Can you bring her a new blanket?" Derek said, already starting to tug the soiled blanket down Addison's chest. "This one's a little dirty."

Bailey nodded, then was gone. Derek managed to get the blanket off Addison, then reached around behind her to undo the strings tying her hospital gown.

Addison groaned slightly and blinked up at him. She suddenly looked really tired.

"Derek?" Her voice was small and groggy.

"Yeah, Addie?" He finished untying the strings.

"My dad's here, Derek. He came." She smiled softly.

"He did." Derek lifted her good arm and began to pull the soiled gown off her.

"Do you think he'll stay a long time?"

"I don't know, Ad." Lifting her casted arm, Derek managed to pull the gown off completely.

"I want him to."

"I know you do." Derek used the towel to wipe the last few traces of vomit off her skin.

Addison shivered. "Cold."

"Sorry." He picked up the clean gown Bailey had given him.

"Maybe he could stay with me. Then you wouldn't have to. You could go do … surgeries … and Meredith."

"Addison …" Derek frowned as he lifted her good arm to slide the new gown up it.

"That would be good, right?"

"Addie … don't …" Derek lifted her casted arm and slid the gown up that one.

"Derek …"

"Ad … just … don't do this right now." Derek adjusted the gown on her body, then reached behind her to find the ties.

Addison frowned. "You never liked my dad."

"Addison, you know that's not true …"

"Yes, it is."

"No. It's not." Derek finally finished securing the ties and pulled his arms back away from her. Instantly she wrapped her arms around her chest, as though to protect herself from Derek's words.

"You've never understood him," she huffed.

"Addison …"

"Why can't you ever let me be happy?"

"Addie …"

But Addison turned her head away from Derek and promptly clamped her eyes closed. Derek sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was fight with her over her father. Why, oh why, hadn't the man just had the decency to stay away?

* * *

Bailey was true to her word. She put Addison's catheter in as quickly and efficiently as possible. Derek held Addison's hand the whole time, and she let him.

He knew she was still upset with him — she refused to look at him the entire time — but her fear and the pain and discomfort outweighed her anger. Bailey was as gentle as she could be, but the rape had left Addison horribly bruised and sore, and she winced and dug her nails into Derek's hand a couple of times.

When Bailey was done, she patted Addison gently on the leg and covered her up with the blanket she had brought in with her. A nurse Derek didn't recognize switched her IV for a new cocktail of drugs that was going to help treat her pneumonia.

Addison yanked her hand out of Derek's grip and once again wrapped it around herself protectively.

Bailey's eyebrow shot up at that.

"Addison?" she asked. "Do you need something?"

"I want my dad."

"I'll get him." Derek ignored the pointed look Bailey was shooting him and stood up to head to the door. "Stay with her?" he said to Bailey over his shoulder as he left.

He heard Bailey answer, "Yes," as the door closed behind him, and he set off to track down his girlfriend and his ex-wife's father.

Arthur Montgomery was not a hard man to find. Derek had barely made it ten paces down the hall when he could hear the giggling in the distance. As he rounded the corner toward the nurse's station, he saw them — a gaggle of interns, residents and nurses all gathered together, drinking coffee, leaning on the counter, as though they were all at some holiday soiree instead of being at work in a hospital supposedly saving people's lives.

Addison's father was at the center of the circle, towering over everyone — with her father at six-foot-five, no one ever had to wonder where Addison got her height — and Derek could hear his booming voice as he charmed all the women around him.

"I actually just got back from Paris," Derek could hear him saying to one particularly attentive brunette nurse. "I've always loved that city!"

Meredith noticed Derek's arrival and slipped away from the group toward him.

"Hey! How's Addison?"

"I thought you were supposed to be updating him on what happened to her?"

Meredith frowned. "I did. And then he bought me coffee. And we were talking. Then lots of people were talking." Meredith gestured at the group and laughed softly. "He's a very charming man."

"Yeah," Derek scoffed. "That he is. And it's good to know he's so concerned about the welfare of his child."

"It's just talking. Addison is …"

"Don't say she's okay!"

"I wasn't … Derek? What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." Derek brushed by Meredith, ignoring the confused expression she gave him. He pushed his way through the center of the fawning women.

"I remember the first time I went there," Arthur was saying. "My oldest, Lyndsay …"

"Arthur," Derek cut in, not even waiting for the elder man to take a breath.

"Derek!" He grinned.

"Your _daughter_ is asking for you."

"Oh! Great!" Arthur turned from Derek and smiled again at the fawning women. "It's been a pleasure ladies. But I need to go spend some time with my little girl. Derek? Are you coming?"

"She wants you. I'll be there in a bit."

"Okay, then." He dipped his head at Derek, then maneuvered his way out of the circle and headed down the hall, Meredith following him for some reason Derek couldn't discern.

The rest of the group was still milling around.

"Do you not have jobs to do?" Derek snapped at them.

With more than a few grumbles and withering looks in his direction, the group finally disbanded. Derek sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds. When he opened them, Mark was in front of him.

"Am I hallucinating?" Mark said. "Tell me I just didn't see _Arthur Montgomery _in Seattle."

"You saw him."

"Wow."

"Yup, wow."

Mark nodded, leaning against the counter next to Derek.

"She seen him?" Mark asked.

"Yup."

Mark cast Derek a sideways glance. "She's happy." It wasn't a question.

"Yup."

"Huh. … Wow."

"Yeah. Wow."

The two stood there in silence for a few seconds. Mark broke it. "Remember the first time we met him?"

Derek actually grinned at the memory. "His sixtieth birthday party. How could I forget? Addison was so nervous about it."

Mark laughed too. "Yeah, remember she made us go rent those ridiculously expensive tuxes? And we got there almost three hours late because she wouldn't stop changing her outfit. It had to be 'perfect.'" He made air quotes with his fingers to emphasize his point.

"That's our Addie. By the way she talked about him, I was afraid he was going to meet us at the door with a shotgun to take my head off if I even looked at her wrong."

"Ha!" Mark chortled. "Isn't that why you dragged me along? You were petrified to meet him without a back up."

"I didn't need a back up!" Derek exclaimed.

"Yes you did! Do you really think I would have gone if you didn't? Addison and I weren't exactly the best of friends back then."

"Okay." Derek gave in. "I did. But admit it — you went because you wanted some hot rich girls."

"I was a good back up," Mark laughed.

"Whatever."

"But you didn't even need one," Mark sighed. "He was so …" He paused, looking for the right words. "Dad-like. Fun, funny, nice …"

"Yeah," Derek agreed. "By the end of the night I wanted to be adopted."

"I think he wanted to adopt you, too."

Derek sighed. "How times change …"

Mark cast him a look. "It wasn't the times that changed things, Derek. First impressions just aren't always what they seem."

"Hey! Shepherd! Sloan!"

Derek looked up at the voice calling him. Richard was charging toward them, Callie trailing in his wake.

"We heard Addison was back. What happened?" Richard asked once he drew close enough.

Derek grimaced. "Pneumonia."

"Oh. God." Callie whispered.

"Yeah," Derek said.

"How bad is it?" Richard asked.

"Pretty bad," Derek answered. "Fever's one-oh-four, nausea, trouble breathing."

It was Richard's turn to grimace. "Do you think she'd be okay if we stopped in to see her?"

The pounding of footsteps could be heard in the distance.

Derek shifted against the counter. "I … uh … don't know. I could ask her …"

He trailed off as the pounding grew closer, and a panting Meredith appeared around the corner.

"Derek!"

He was up off the counter and by Meredith's side in a second.

"What happened?"

"Ad … Ad … Addison," Meredith panted. "She's having trouble breathing. Bailey said to come get …"

Derek didn't wait for her to finish, instead turning and racing as fast as he could down the hall, Richard, Callie, Mark and Meredith all following behind him.

He burst into the room, finding Bailey trying unsuccessfully to secure an oxygen mask on a struggling Addison. Derek pushed past her father, hurrying to the side of the bed. Quickly he reached out and grabbed Addison's shoulders, making sure she couldn't move. A few second later a pair of hands was securing her head, stopping her from shaking it back and forth.

Derek looked up.

Mark.

The two men shared a knowing look as Bailey finally managed to get the oxygen mask on Addison. Addison was gasping for air, and Derek didn't know if he was imagining things, but he could have sworn she looked a little blue.

The second she was done, Bailey let go of Addison, as did Mark, leaving Derek the only one touching her. He took a seat by her side and began rubbing her arms and stroking her hair, almost cooing to her as he did.

"Shhh, you're okay, Addie. You're okay, baby …."

He watched as her breaths began to even out. Tears were pooling in her eyes, and Derek reached up to wipe them away.

"You're okay."

"We should go."

Richard's voice behind Derek reminded him there were other people in the room. It reminded Addison, too; Derek felt her body tense under his hands.

Derek turned around to find six people staring at the two of them. The chief, Callie and Mark looked worried, Meredith looked slightly pained, Bailey was trying her best to look impassive, and Arthur looked almost amused.

Mark spoke first.

"We should. Go, that is." He nodded toward Derek and Addison. "We'll see you in a bit."

He took Richard's arm, then the two of them were gone.

"I have patients," Bailey said, and excited as well.

Meredith turned to Arthur. "You must be tired. You probably want to get a hotel? I'm sure Addison is going to sleep for awhile."

He nodded, his eyes firmly fixed on his daughter. "That sounds good."

He made his way over to Addison, reaching out and stroking her hair. "I'll be back in a little bit, sweetheart. Get some rest." Arthur leaned down and kissed her gently on the temple. Addison, through her oxygen mask, smiled back at him.

Derek reached over and lifted it up slightly so she could talk.

"I … I … l-love you, Daddy," she managed to croak out.

"Bye, honey."

Then he and Meredith were gone, leaving Derek and Callie alone with Addison. They watched as she moaned softly, then closed her eyes.

"Can I?" Callie gestured to the chair on the opposite side of Addison's bed from Derek. He nodded, and she took a seat.

Derek was holding her good hand. Carefully, Callie reached out and wrapped her fingers tenderly around the fingers of Addison's injured arm.

"Hey, honey," Callie said softly to her friend. "We've all been really worried about you."

Derek and Callie watched as Addison struggled to open her eyes and then try to say something.

Derek lifted her oxygen mask up a little again.

"What is it, Addie?" he asked her.

Addison struggled to focus on Callie.

"I …I … I'm s-s-sorry …" she whispered.

"Oh, honey," Callie squeezed her fingers as Derek placed the mask back on her face. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm the one who's sorry. You were just trying to be a good friend. I never should have yelled at you."

Addison looked like she was about to say something, but Derek pressed a finger to her mask above her lips.

"Shhhh. Addie, go to sleep, okay? We'll be here when you wake up. We can talk about everything later."

Addison's eyes flickered to Callie, who nodded in agreement.

"Just sleep, Addie. It's okay. Just go to sleep."

"We're right here, Addie," Derek added for good measure. "You're safe. I promise. Close your eyes."

Both Derek and Callie kept their hands wrapped around Addison's, and together they watched as she closed her eyes. A couple minutes later the sudden limpness in her arms let them both know she had finally succumbed to sleep.

Derek reached out and brushed some stray strands of hair away from her face. She was still burning up, and he hated that her breath was still so uneven and raspy.

He sighed and smiled woefully at Callie.

"At least her dad is here with her now," Callie said to Derek. "That's good."

"No. Not really."

"What?" Callie's eyes widened a little in surprise.

"I wouldn't say it's a good thing."

"Oh." Callie nodded her head in understanding. "I get it. My father doesn't like George either — Wait till he finds out about the cheating — but it's the whole 'Daddy's little girl' thing, right? And Addison's an only child. She is, isn't she? She's never mentioned anything about a sibling …"

"Callie," Derek interrupted. "That's not really it …"

"I'm not sure fathers of only daughters ever approve of their children's choices." Callie smiled at him, then at Addison, who was murmuring softly in her sleep.

"Arthur Montgomery approved of me just fine," Derek said.

"Oh?" Callie eyebrows shot up. "Oh," she said confusedly.

"I rather think he would have adopted me if he could."

"Then ….?" Callie trailed off, as Derek took a deep breath. "I don't get it."

"It's not me he doesn't approve of, Callie," Derek said. "It's Addison."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Yeah, so my New Year's resolution this year — seriously, number 1 on the list — was to update this fic at least once a week so maybe it will be done by the end of the year. LOL. You can all see how well that's been going so far. So I'm going to pretend it's a Jan. 26 resolution and see if that goes better!**

**Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter. It means so much that you stick with me, even through massive delays!**

**Two slights warnings for this chapter. First, there is a LOT of talking. But I wanted to give you guys some answers, and any other way would have taken like 10 chapters. But the action will be back and building next chapter.**

**And two, the ending of this chapter is a little … we'll call it dark. I debated doing it forever, but I promise there is a reason. So I hope you forgive me.**

**Okay, enough rambling from me. Go read!! And reviews — they seriously rock my world. Thanks in advance for any that you give, good and bad alike!**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

Callie's soft laughter echoed throughout the room.

"That's funny, Derek!"

Derek didn't answer. Nor did he move. He just stared at Callie. Seconds later, the smile vanished from her face. Her eyes darted to Addison, who was making little sounds in her sleep. Derek wasn't sure if she was dreaming or if it was a result of just trying to breathe normally.

"Wait." Callie cocked her head and focused her eyes on Derek. "You're not kidding?"

"I'm not kidding."

"You're seriously telling me that Addison's father approves of you? But not of her?"

"I am."

"But that's … that's …" Callie trailed off, shaking her head incredulously. "But that's impossible. How could that be? She's ... she's …"

Callie looked like she was racking her brain for the right word. "She's … Addison!" she finally finished lamely.

Derek unconsciously squeezed Addison's hand a little bit tighter.

"Yeah," he said. "She is."

"But …" Callie looked lost. "I don't get it. She loves him. I know she does. And just now, she seemed … _happy …_that he's here."

Derek smiled wryly. "Oh, she is."

Callie shook her head. "Derek, none of this makes sense to me."

"It's a long, long story."

"I have time."

"Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"One of my best friends was raped yesterday. And now she's in the hospital with pneumonia. I think the chief might cut me some slack. No one's going to die if I'm not the surgeon operating on their broken leg."

Derek almost smiled. "You shouldn't tempt fate that way, Callie."

"Well, what about you, Mr. Dreamy Brain Surgeon? Don't you have lives to be saving?"

"I'm not leaving her. Not with _him _stalking the hallways."

"Well, neither am I. So you better start talking."

Derek sighed. "You can't tell anyone about this. Not George — "

Callie scoffed. "Like I'm going to tell him anything!"

"— Not anyone. Addie … she wouldn't want people to know."

Callie nodded. "I won't." She paused. "I'm not trying to be a gossip, Derek. I just want to help her."

Derek didn't look at Callie. Instead he reached up and tenderly stroked Addison's hair. "I know," he said quietly. "It's just …" He trailed off. "What has she told you about her childhood?"

Callie frowned. "Ummm, she's from Connecticut?" She shrugged. "I don't know. Not much. I remember once I told her how my dad when I was little taught me all about fixing up cars. I asked her about her dad, and she said he used to take her for rides in this old mustang he had. She said they'd drive all over, just the two of them."

Derek nodded. "Yeah, I think she told me that, too, once."

"Well, that seems like a nice thing."

"It didn't happen."

"What?"

"It didn't happen." Derek finally lifted his gaze from Addison and turned to Callie, looking her directly in the eyes. "Addison tells a lot of stories. Well, not so much anymore. She used to, though. But they aren't true. She just _wants _them to be true."

Callie pressed a hand to her head. "No. I don't believe that. Addison doesn't lie. She wouldn't do that."

Derek shrugged. "It's not … it's not really lying." He was struggling for the right words, the right way to explain it to Callie. "I mean, it is, but she's not trying to be deceitful so much as — she just wants to be like other kids. Sometimes I think she almost convinces herself that it is true. And it's not like she spouts these things out at random; she only ever does it when someone directly asks her about her dad."

Derek looked again at Callie. She had an eyebrow raised and was staring at him in such a way that he knew she had no idea what he was getting at. He let out a breath and tried it a different way.

"You're right," he said. "Addison loves her dad. Very much so. She adores him. To her, the moon rises and falls with him. It always has. She is daddy's little girl. She idolizes him, and she will defend him till the end of time. And I think she tells stories because she wants other people to see him as the perfect guy she sees him as."

"Okayyyy …."

Derek continued. "But that's the thing. To her, he's perfect. But to him, she'll never be good enough. No matter what she does, she will never be good enough."

"Are you sure?" Callie frowned. "He seemed sincere …"

"Yeah," Derek scoffed. "He does that. He's really good at that, perfecting the art of the subtle dig. Knocking her down, but in such a way that no one else really sees it. I didn't. I met him, I had dinners with him, I even asked him for permission to marry her. I never saw it. Not until it was pointed out to me."

Derek ran a hand through his hair. "You know what the first thing he did was when he saw her today?"

Callie shook her head. "Do I want to know?"

"He walked in, and before he even said a word to her, he decided it was more important to tell me he thought Meredith was a good catch."

Callie looked torn between horror and the urge to laugh. "I'm sure Meredith appreciated that. It is what every dirty mistress wants to hear."

Derek snorted, grateful to Callie for at least breaking the tension in the room for a minute.

"Yeah, exactly. But then," Derek shook his head, grimacing at the memory. "The first thing he said to Addison when he finally acknowledged she existed? He said, 'What did you do?' Not, 'Are you okay' or 'What happened' or 'Who did this.' None of that. 'What did you do?' As if Addison walked out there and asked some guy to please rape her."

This time the only emotion on Callie's face was pure horror. Derek knew how she felt. All he could feel was the anger rising through him, but he didn't want that. Now was not the time. He needed to stay calm, to keep Addison calm.

"But I don't get it." Callie said. "She loves him. So much. How is that possible? If someone treated me that way …"

Derek cut in. "Because she can't see that it's him. That he's the bad one. She thinks it's her. He tells her she's not good enough — subtly, of course. I don't think he's ever flat out told her that — and she believes him. She's convinced that if she can just be good enough, he will finally love her."

"She's one of the best damn neonatal surgeons in the country! That's not good enough for him?"

"Nope."

"Then what does he want her to do?" Callie's voice was rising. Derek lifted a finger to his lips to motion her to be quieter. Callie sucked in a deep breath at the same moment Addison whimpered softly in her sleep.

"Sorry," Callie whispered, chagrined. "It's just … what does he expect?"

Addison whimpered again. Derek carefully edged his chair a little closer to the head of her bed, reaching out to stroke her hair softly. He leaned close to her ear. "Shhh. It's okay, Addie. We're here. You're okay."

He waited a few moments, making sure Addison wasn't waking up. Once she quieted down and her breathing returned to its now normal, raspy state, he turned back to Callie.

"That's the thing," he said, quieter this time. "There's nothing that she can do. There never has been. No matter what, she will never be good enough for him. And Addison … Addison can't see that. Time after time after time. She just keeps on trying. She's so sure that each time is going to be the time, she can't ever see that the time, it's never going to come. Ever. She could be the next Mother Teresa. It still wouldn't be enough for him."

Derek kept going. He was on a roll now. "And that's the worst part. Because every time he shows up, whether for an hour, a day, a week, it always ends the same way. He comes in, he does his thing, he leaves, and somehow she always ends up in tears. And then the doubts start. And she freaks out, and then she obsesses, about whatever it is that she thinks she didn't do well enough, and she blames herself. And we always end up fighting."

"You end up fighting?"

"I told you she always defends him?

Callie nodded.

"She does. And I try to comfort her, and somewhere in the trying to comfort her, I inevitably say something about him being wrong, and she defends him. Says he's not wrong, that I just don't like him. And it goes from there."

Callie nodded again. "It's just …" She cocked her head to the side. "I get what you're saying, but … it just doesn't seem like Addison."

Derek almost laughed. "It's not. At least, it's not my Addison. Or your Addison. And I hate that. I hate what happens when he comes around. It's like the second he shows up, my beautiful, highly intelligent, very talented, confident wife disappears, and in her place is this 6-year-old little girl who only wants to make daddy proud of her so he'll love her.

Callie shook her head. "So many people have bad fathers. Addison sees them all the time in her job. I know he's her father, but how can she make excuses for him? After all this time. If he's a bad father, he's a bad father. She should know it has nothing to do with her."

Derek closed his eyes. Should he tell her? Well, he'd told her this much already …

He opened his eyes again and spoke. "That's because he's not a bad father."

"What?!?!" Callie's eyes were wide. "But you said …"

"I said he was a bad father _to her_. And he is. He's a horrible father to her. But he's not a bad father — to Lyndsay. To Lyndsay, he was a great father."

There was a long, stunned silence. Derek knew there would be.

"Addison has a sister?"

"Addison _had _a sister."

"Oh." Callie turned to look at the sleeping redhead. "Oh God."

"Addie was a baby when it happened," Derek said. "She was barely more than a year old. Her mom and her sister — Lyndsay — they were together. Her mom lost control of the car, went into the other lane. Head-on collision. They died instantly."

"Oh God. That's awful!"

"Lyndsay was nine. And from the little I know, the way Addison feels about her dad? That's how her dad felt about Lyndsay. This perfect child who could do no wrong."

Callie was still looking at Addison. She turned back to Derek. He could almost see the pieces coming together in her mind.

"That's how my dad feels about me," she whispered, then, "Oh. God. So her dad … he's looking for Lyndsay. So he compares Addison to her. That's why she's never good enough. Because she's not her sister …"

Derek nodded vigorously. "Exactly," he said. "And it's really hard to compete with someone who's not even alive, someone who can never mess up or do anything wrong."

"But Addison thinks she can. Compete, I mean."

"And who can blame her really? All her life, she's heard stories of her dad and of Lyndsay and of how much her dad loved Lyndsay and all the things they did together. All her life all these people have told her over and over how good of a husband her dad was to her mom, how good of a dad he was to Lyndsay. In some ways, it's no wonder she thinks it's about her."

Callie shook her head. "I never knew any of this."

Derek smiled. "Barely anyone does."

* * *

_It was graduation day. Derek had thought this day would never come, but somehow it was here. He was standing off to the side, taking it in, his one moment of peace in all the chaos. Mark was off to his right, entertaining his mother and sisters. His beautiful fiancée was to his left, chatting animatedly to her dad. It was hard to believe that in a month's time she was going to be his wife._

"_Derek?" A soft, sweet, almost melodic voice came from behind him._

_He turned around. A stylish woman, about early 40s, dressed in a simple black dress, with short blond hair, was standing there. He didn't have to ask who she was. She looked exactly like she did in all the photos._

_She held out her hand. "Sophie McAdams."_

_Derek grinned. "Addie's told me a lot about you. I'm so glad you could be here."_

"_I wouldn't miss it. She's a very special girl."_

_Derek let his eyes trail back to Addison. She was giggling, her red curls swishing around her shoulders. "Yes, she is."_

_He turned back to Sophie._

"_She told me you were like a mother to her."_

_Sophie laughed softly. "Well, as much as a nanny can be, I suppose."_

_Derek laughed too. "I wouldn't know about that," he said. "Where I come from, people don't have nannies. Just the teenage baby-sitter from down the street."_

_Sophie laughed again, her blue eyes sparkling. Together, she and Derek both turned to watch Addison, who was now pulling her dad toward a group of students in their class she wanted him to meet._

_Sophie turned back to Derek. "She's a lucky girl to have found you."_

_Derek beamed. "I'm the lucky one." He watched as Addison and her dad disappeared into the crowd. "I just hope I can be half the man her father is. I know how much she looks up to him."_

"_What?"_

"_What?" Derek turned back to Sophie. The smile had disappeared from her face. Instead, her eyebrows were furrowed together._

"_You … want to be like … her dad." Sophie was speaking very carefully._

_It was Derek's turn to frown. "Of course. Why wouldn't I? Addison's always telling me how wonderful he is."_

_Sophie didn't answer, but she didn't take her eyes off Derek. He began to fidget underneath the intense scare._

"_What?" he said._

_Sophie sighed. "I think you might want to talk to Addison."_

_It was the way she said it. Derek felt like his heart had dropped into his stomach. Something was not right here._

"_Why? About what?"_

"_She needs to tell you, Derek. You deserve to know. And she shouldn't … she doesn't deserve to think she needs to keep it a secret."_

"_Sophie ... please." Derek felt a sense of panic rise up within him. "What are you talking about?"_

_Sophie sighed, and when she spoke her voice was soft and tender. "I love Addison like she's my own. I want to protect her and I want her to be happy. And I know that she's not going to understand this, but …" Sophie took a breath. "Addison hasn't been honest with you, Derek. Let's just say Addison didn't have quite the happy childhood I think she told you about. She was a very lonely little girl, and that amazing dad of hers? He didn't do a damn thing about it._

"_Talk to Addison, Derek."_

_And then she was gone, leaving Derek feeling like his world had just been turned upside down, and he still didn't understand why._

* * *

"So you talked to her?" Callie had listened to the whole thing, carefully scrutinizing Derek's face the entire time.

"Of course."

"And?"

"And we talked. She finally told me. I promised myself I would protect her. And I've hated him ever since."

Derek stopped.

"And that's it?" Callie said.

"That's it."

"She lied to you and you were okay with that?"

"No, I was mad. At first. But like I said before, she didn't do it to manipulate me. She did it to protect herself. I understand."

"Uh huh."

Derek frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I just get the feeling there's more to this story."

Derek kept his face as impassive as he could. He just looked at Callie. "No. That's it."

"Are you sure?"

Derek forced himself to smile. "I married her, didn't I?"

The moment of silence felt like an eternity.

"Yeah," she said finally. "You did. Thank you for telling me."

Derek forced a smile. "You're welcome."

Inside, he felt relief pour through him. Of course there was more. But some things just weren't meant to be shared.

An almost entirely too loud buzzing noise filled the air.

A pager.

Instantly, Callie reached for her pocket. But the damage had been done. Addison moaned and began to stir.

"Damn," Callie muttered. "911."

Automatically, Derek started stroking Addison's hair again, his other hand caressing her arm. But this time it didn't help. She moaned again, beginning to move her head back and forth, and her eyelids fluttered.

Callie stood up to leave, but paused, her eyes on Addison.

"I got her," Derek said. "You can go."

"I'll be back."

He didn't answer. Instead, he brought both hands to Addison's face, cupping her head and gently caressing her cheeks and forehead with his fingers. Her moans were soft but constant, and a glance down at her gown let him know her skin was still slicked with sweat from her fever.

"Shhh …. Shhhh … it's okay." Derek slipped one arm under her and began rubbing the back of her neck. It was something he used to do on those rare occasions when she didn't feel good.

It wasn't working this time. Addison's good arm flew to the oxygen mask on her face, her fingers clawing at it. Her moans grew louder, and she started shaking her head so hard he couldn't keep his hand on her head.

He reached for her hand, to pull it away from her face and the oxygen mask, but that only made her moans get even louder and she started choking.

"What's going on?"

Bailey's voice sounded behind Derek. He almost sighed with relief as with one hand he grabbed for Addison's wayward hand again and with the other tried to position her mask in place.

"Shepherd?"

"A pager. It disturbed her," Derek managed. "But I think she's having a nightmare." He found himself aching to comfort Addison, to pull her into his arms, but she was fighting him too hard and he was too afraid of re-injuring her.

Derek didn't notice Bailey inject another dose of morphine into Addison's IV drip to help her sleep, but he did notice when she finally stopped thrashing. He watched as her eyes stopped fluttering and stayed shut and as her arm dropped back to her side. Only then did he turn to Bailey.

"Thanks."

"I didn't do it for you, Shepherd."

"I know. She needs to sleep. But still. Thanks."

"I need to talk to you."

"Okay."

"Not here."

Derek glanced at Addison. She was still.

"Can it wait?"

"Not really. She'll be okay. It won't take long. I think you want to hear this."

Reluctantly, Derek stood up and followed Bailey. She pulled him into an empty exam room and shut the door. He blinked in surprise.

"I shouldn't be telling you this," Bailey started.

Butterflies were suddenly swarming in Derek's stomach. What now?

"We called the police."

"What? But I thought …"

"She was found at a church, Derek. The 911 caller reported it as a rape. We had to."

Derek ran his hand through his hair. "Okay … okay …. I get that. I do. It's just — she's not ready — "

"This isn't about that. They're willing to wait, for a little while. This is about something else."

"Okay."

"My husband — his best friend is a detective with SVU. He's not supposed to tell us anything, but off the record — "

"Oh, God." It was coming. Derek didn't know what, but he knew something big was coming. Bailey looked sympathetically at him, and Derek had to sit down on the bed in the room.

"We don't know for sure," she began. Her voice was very soft, Derek realized, softer than he could ever recall it being. "But the samples we took from Addison ..."

"Yeah … ?" Derek didn't even realize he was holding his breath.

"It looks like … maybe … probably …"

"Miranda please just say it."

"They think there might have been two of them, Derek … that attacked her."

Brown eyes met blue. Derek couldn't think. _No. It couldn't be. It was bad enough … Two of them?_

"No," he finally choked out. "That's … no. You're wrong. There … not two." He stared into Bailey's eyes, desperately searching for some sign that she was kidding. "Oh, God. Please, Miranda, please. Please tell me she wasn't raped by two men."

"I am so sorry, Derek."

Derek didn't answer. He just punched his fist into the nearest wall.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Ummmm … yeah …. so I'm still alive. I've just been … Well, lots of things. But you don't want to hear my laundry list of excuses, but I am really, really sorry, for what is probably the worst lack of updating ever. I so never meant for that to happen, but, yeah … Anyway, here it is. I think I must have written this like 50 times, and it's not even close to what I originally planned, but I think it turned out okay.**

**So, thank you to all who reviewed. You guys are amazing for putting up with me!**

**So. Go. Read. Review. I am going to go work some more on the next chapter. Seriously. Right now. I'm going.**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

It was as though he was on autopilot, so much so that Derek didn't feel any of the intense pain that shot through him the first time he slammed his knuckles into the wall. He didn't feel it the second time either. Nor the third time. And he barely felt a thing as he grabbed at anything he could reach — sheets on the bed, a stool, an IV pole — just wanting to throw it, crush it, break it.

What he did feel though was the slight whack on the back of his head. Then he was whirling around, peering down into the rage-filled eyes of Miranda Bailey.

"For a brain surgeon, you really are stupid," she hissed, grabbed his hand and squeezing it. The pain did shoot through him that time, and he angrily yanked his hand out of her grip.

"Let go of me!"

"What the hell are you thinking? Do you really think you can win in a fight against a wall? Do you think destroying your precious hand is really going to help anything right now? Do you?"

He wanted to shout out at her that, yes, it was going to help. His mouth even went so far as to form the words. But nothing came out. Instead he sank awkwardly down to the ground, his head in his hands.

If someone were to ask him, Derek liked to think he would consider himself a sensitive man. It was what helped make him a good surgeon. He could be empathetic and sympathetic and he could care. And when the love of his life fell into the bay and he had to pull her cold, blue body out of the water and then see her lying lifeless on a gurney, he had figured it was natural to be so upset that he shed a few tears.

But sitting there, on the floor of an empty exam room, his shoulders heaving and pellets of liquid dripping down his face, all because of a woman he would have told you two days ago he couldn't have cared less about, was something he never would have expected.

But he couldn't stop. He felt the pain in his chest, in his throat, as the guttural cries came tearing out of his body.

Whatever he thought about Addison, he knew this was the last thing she deserved. And he knew without a doubt that if he were ever given a chance to come face to face with the men who had hurt her, that they would not be standing by the time he was done.

He felt a hand on his arm, and when he finally looked up, he noticed the tears in Bailey's eyes as she handed him a tissue.

"It's not fair." Derek managed to choke out. "She didn't deserve … she shouldn't have … it's just not fair."

"No," Bailey said, "It's not. But punching walls is not going to help her."

"I know. It's just …"

"It's just what?"

"I didn't even know she was there. I didn't even notice her." Derek shook his head quickly, trying to clear the moisture in his eyes that was beginning to form again. "If I had just paid attention …" He turned his head away from Bailey, forcing himself to inhale.

"Derek Shepherd, look at me." Bailey waited a moment.

"Derek!" she commanded, and this time he turned back to her. She lowered her voice. "Don't do this."

"No, Miranda, you don't get it. She was alone. Addison. She was alone. She was there, and we … we ignored her or we didn't see her. _I _didn't see her. If I had just … maybe just five minutes … to talk to her, to notice her …"

"Derek. Addison wasn't raped because you didn't know she was there."

"But maybe …"

"No. No maybes. No what ifs. Addison was raped, and it's horrible and it's sad and we all wish there was some way that we can change it. But you can't blame yourself. You can't think it was you. You can't let her think that. She trusts you. Right now, she _trusts_ you. You can't take that away from her. Addison was raped, and the only people who are to blame for that are the people who raped her. I know you wish you could have protected her, but even if you had known she was there …"

"… it wouldn't have changed anything," Derek finished, almost guiltily. He knew Bailey was right. If he were to have protected Addison, he knew a lot more would have had to change than just realizing she was at a wedding.

"Hey." Bailey patted his arm gently. "It wasn't your responsibility to protect her at that wedding."

Derek tried to smile but he knew he failed. "Yes, it was."

"Derek …"

"I promised her. A long time ago. I promised her I would protect her. I promised her I wouldn't let anyone hurt her like that. I didn't do it. I failed her."

"I don't think Addison's going to see it like that."

"But I do."

Bailey studied him intently, for what seemed liked hours. Finally she spoke. "That's why you're doing this? Why you're helping her? Because you think you failed her?"

Derek ran a hand through his hair. Was that why he was doing all this? He wasn't sure. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore.

Bailey was waiting on an answer.

"Yes," he finally said. "No. I don't know. Partly. It's why I came when you called. At least I think. I thought about that. But it's not just … it's more than that. … She's Addison. I know her. I know her better than anyone. I know the real her, the one she doesn't let anyone else see. And sometimes I forget that I know her like that. Because it's been a long time. And she can be so stubborn and so selfish and sometimes she can be such a … but she's Addison. And I promised her. And no matter what, she doesn't deserve to have to go through this alone. I don't want her to be alone. So I'm here and … I'm just here."

Derek took another breath. "I know that doesn't make any sense …"

"No," Bailey interrupted. "It does."

"We can't tell her."

Bailey frowned. "Tell her?"

"That there might have been two of them. We can't tell her."

"Shepherd …"

"No, Miranda, please. You see her. How upset she is, how scared. We can't add to that. We can't tell her."

"You know there's a chance she might remember on her own."

"I know. I know. And I'm not saying we never tell her. I'm just asking, not now. Please. Don't tell her yet. Don't tell anyone."

Derek watched as Bailey's eyes narrowed slightly, her gaze penetrating him. He wiped a hand quickly across his face, hoping to rid himself of any evidence of a breakdown that might still be there, but he stifled a groan as he suddenly felt the sharp, shooting pain in his hand. Looking down he saw his mangled, bloody knuckles and, for the first time, realized what he had done.

"Let's go get that hand of yours fixed up, you stupid, stupid man."

And Derek breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't going to tell Addison.

* * *

It never ceased to surprise Derek how when things got so bad you honestly thought there was no way they could get worse, they somehow did.

Bailey had cleaned up his hand. In a fortunate twist of fate, he had managed to avoid breaking any bones. Instead, he had a pack of ice and threats that if he removed it from his hand anytime soon that she was going to stitch it to him permanently. Somehow, he didn't doubt it.

She had left him in an on-call room with strict instructions to get some rest.

"Addison is asleep. I will take care of her. If anything happens, you will be the first to know. She has pneumonia. The best thing for her is to sleep. Same goes for you. No more innocent walls need to be destroyed because of some weird macho protective streak."

Derek hadn't had the energy to argue. Instead, he had let himself sink down into the mattress, closing his eyes, willing sleep to come.

But instead of sleep, all he saw was images. Addison crying. Addison trying to pull her hair out while sitting in his lap in the shower. Addison motionless on the floor.

He groaned. This was no use.

The universe seemed to agree as a second later the door to the on-call room flew open and Meredith dashed in.

"Derek!" She gasped. "I've been looking for you all over. You disappeared and …"

She stopped, staring. A second later she was perched by his side, his injured hand and bag of ice held steadily in hers.

"Oh my God. What happened?" Her eyes met his, eyes so full of concern, so full of tenderness. He wanted to get lost in them, to forget the world existed, to just feel her and the touch of her cool fingers caressing his pain away.

But he couldn't. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't.

He forced a smile. "It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing."

"It was just a little misunderstanding."

Meredith frowned. "With Mark?"

Derek almost laughed. "Mark? Why would it have been with Mark?"

She shrugged. "The last time you punched someone it was Mark."

He smiled at her. That almost felt like the good old days. Punching Mark out in a hallway for flirting with his girlfriend. Or sleeping with his wife. Sometimes Derek still wasn't sure where that impulse had actually come from.

"It's not Mark. He's innocent this time."

"I wouldn't say Mark is ever innocent. I don't think the nurses would think that either."

"Well, no. That is true."

"Derek." Meredith's fingers stopped their soft caressing of his hand, and instead she laid her palm gently on top of his fingers. "Tell me what happened."

Derek reached up with his good hand, pushing some of Meredith's loose strands out of her face. He gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"It's nothing. I just got a little upset at a wall. Is all."

This time Meredith's hand came up to cup his cheek. "I thought she was going to be okay."

"I don't know if she's ever going to be okay."

"Yeah," Meredith said softly, and then she was quiet. They both were.

Meredith broke the silence. "So I think my new sister is a stalker. Or she's stalking me. And Cristina's trying to sell her wedding presents for surgeries. That's weird, right? I think that's weird."

Derek didn't answer. He didn't need to. He just wanted to relish in the normal, everyday, entirely crazy happenings of Seattle Grace, and not think about anything else. Unfortunately, things never worked out the way he wanted them to.

" …. So there is this really nice coffee pot she got that I could go for," Meredith was saying as the door to the exam room swung open once again.

"Derek." Bailey waited for them both to look up at her.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry about?"

Bailey was never sorry.

"We had to intubate Addison."

Derek forgot about his hurt hand as he shot to his feet, the ice pack falling with a thud to the ground.

"What? Why? No."

"She started having more trouble breathing, Derek. Her lungs are pretty congested. It's the best thing for her."

"But …"

"She's sedated. She's okay. She won't know."

Derek sighed heavily. He thought he felt Meredith reach for his hand, but instinctively he pulled back before she could reach him.

"Her fever?"

"It's not going down. We wrapped her in a cooling blanket. It should help."

Derek started for the door. "I'm going to see her."

Neither Bailey nor Meredith tried to stop him.

­­­­­­­­­

* * *

Arthur Montgomery was in Addison's room by the time Derek got there, sitting in the spot Derek had been just a couple hours before. He wasn't touching her, wasn't holding her hand, but he was looking at her, studying her almost. He turned at the sound of the door opening.

"Derek." He greeted.

"What are you doing here?"

Arthur smiled at his former son-on-law. "I'm visiting my daughter."

Derek frowned. "Why?"

It was Arthur's turn to frown. "Why wouldn't I? She is my daughter."

"Yeah," Derek grunted. "Biologically anyway."

If Arthur heard him, he gave no sign of it. Derek really had no desire to be in the same room with the man, but he wasn't going to leave Addison. Instead Derek made his way over to the other side of the bed, sitting down on the chair that was there.

Addison looked so pale, and the tubes from the IVs and the breathing apparatus looked scarier and odder against her skin than he could ever remember them looking with any patient before her. She was wrapped in the cooling blanket, but her left casted arm was free. Gently Derek let his fingers wrap around hers.

"It's good to see you again, Derek. It's been awhile."

"Yeah."

"Your girlfriend seems like a great woman. She's been very kind to me."

"She's nice to everyone."

"I can see why you love her. You're very lucky to have found her."

Derek looked up, meeting Arthur square in the eyes — eyes that were exactly the same as his daughter's. Addison was a mirror image of her mother, and of her sister, too. Derek hadn't seen many photos — Addison didn't have very many and the few she did have she guarded as though they were a matter of national security — but he'd seen enough to know the resemblance was almost uncanny. Except her eyes. Her mom and Lyndsay both had brilliant, emerald green eyes; Addison's were blue like her father's.

Now, as Derek looked into those eyes that on her were so warm and loving but on him seemed so cold and detached, he wanted to say that he had been lucky to find Addison, too, that Addison also was a great woman, that she was kind to everyone. But instead, he could find himself only nodding.

"Yeah," he managed to choke out, and nothing more would come.

Arthur turned his attention away from Derek and back to his daughter. Derek watched as Arthur reached out and gently ran his fingers along the still very ugly, very purple bruises on the left side of her face.

"Will these heal?" he asked.

Derek nodded. "They should."

"Good." He paused. "The police are on it?"

"What?" Derek frowned slightly.

"The police," Arthur said. "I assume they are looking for the person who did this?"

"Ummm." Derek shook his head. "I, um, I don't know. I guess …"

"You guess? Did you not report it?"

"Addison … she … she was too scared. She doesn't remember. They haven't talked to her yet."

Arthur arched an eyebrow, another thing that had been passed along to his daughter.

"So once again, my daughter has somehow managed to mess things up."

"Hey!" Derek shot from his seat. "That's not fair! She doesn't remember!"

Arthur looked at him calmly. "Or so she says."

"What?" Derek stared at him, flabbergasted, but before he could speak, Arthur was out of his chair.

"I know people. I'll take care of it."

And then he was gone, barely giving Derek a moment to even remember that Arthur had been a lawyer back in the day.

Derek sighed, flopping back into his seat. He supposed it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. He wanted them to catch the guys who assaulted her more than anything. He just didn't want Addison to be hurt any more in the process.

He was still pondering this when a knock came at the door.

"Hey." Mark poked his head in. "Can I, uh …" He gestured into the room.

Derek nodded. "Of course."

Mark stepped into the room, taking a good look at Addison once he'd shut the door behind him. His eyes widened.

"They intubated her," he whispered.

"Yeah."

Mark took the seat Arthur had just vacated. Derek watched as Mark lifted his hand in Addison's direction, going so far as to reach up as though he wanted to caress her face, or run his fingers through her hair, but instead he stopped, his hand motionless in the air. Derek knew what he was waiting for.

"It's okay," Derek said. "You can touch her. You don't need my permission."

"I just thought …"

"She's more yours than mine anyway."

Mark turned his attention to Derek, letting his hand fall. "She's not either of ours anymore."

"I know."

"Are you okay, man?"

"I'm fine."

Mark's eyes traveled down Derek's form, stopping at his hand.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"You need ice for nothing?"

"It doesn't matter."

Mark took a breath, then plunged ahead.

"Meredith or Addison?"

Derek didn't answer, and Mark didn't ask again.

* * *

Derek wasn't sure how long Mark stayed, and he barely a uttered a sound when Mark's pager went off and he left in a hurry, telling Derek he'd be back later. Derek was too busy focusing on Addison, rubbing her fingers with his, occasionally wiping her forehead with a cool towel, mostly just watching her, listening to the sounds of the machines as they pumped oxygen into her lungs and medication through her veins.

"You're doing good," he would tell her every few minutes. "You're doing really good. You just hang on, and I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to make sure you're okay."

He was in the middle of telling her this when Callie walked in and took the again-empty seat opposite Derek.

"How's she doing?" she said.

Derek shrugged. "Her fever isn't any better. But it's not any worse."

"That's something."

"Yeah."

"I think it's my fault."

Derek ripped his gaze away from Addison. "What?"

"At the wedding. I keep thinking, replaying it in my mind. If I had just talked to her, if I had just forgiven her. … Everything, with George and Izzie, it was just so much, and I didn't want to think about any of it. And Addison — I was so angry …"

"Callie …"

"We were supposed to hang out at the wedding together. We'd talked about. I mean, I was a bridesmaid, but that was just show. It was just show. So whatever. But Addison and I … we were going to hit the free drinks, hit the dance floor. I was going to help her hit on guys. I was supposed to be there with her."

"Callie …"

"I keep thinking … if I had just gone to her …"

"It's not your fault."

"I saw her." Derek was watching Callie, but she wasn't looking at him. She was playing with a strand of Addison's hair, twirling it around her finger. "After the ceremony. I saw her. It was such a mess. With Cristina, and figuring out who we were supposed to call, proper protocol and all." Callie laughed. "I remember thinking, I went to Vegas. I didn't even plan a wedding. How did I know what to do when one gets called off?

"But Addison. I saw her. She was waiting for me. I think. She was standing there, off to the side, just waiting. And I caught her eye. And she smiled at me. And I just gave her the dirtiest look … and then I turned around. I ignored her. I pretended she wasn't there. And when I turned back, she wasn't. And I keep thinking that maybe, if I had just smiled at her …" Callie trailed off. She smiled sadly down at Addison. "I could have saved her."

"I didn't even know she was there."

Callie's fingers stilled. She turned to Derek.

"What?"

"I didn't even know she was there. At the wedding. I was up there, at the front. I watched people walk in, I watched them sit. She was there. And I never even saw her. I've known her for fifteen years, and I didn't even see her. How is that even possible?"

"You couldn't have known what would happen, Derek. It's not your fault."

"All I could think of was Meredith. All I could see was Meredith. Does she love me? Does she want me? Is it enough?"

"It's understandable."

"Is it?"

"It wasn't your fault."

"It wasn't yours either."

Callie sighed. "Why don't I believe that then?"

Derek matched her sigh. "The same reason I don't."

They were both quiet for a moment. Callie spoke first.

"She loves you, you know. I've seen it. The look in her eyes she gets when she sees you. She really loves you."

Derek met her gaze. "Meredith? Yeah. I know."

"Well. Meredith, too."

Derek blinked.

"What?" he said softly.

Callie didn't answer.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because it's true."

"I _love_ Meredith. I'm _with _Meredith."

"I know. And I like Meredith. I think it's great."

"Then why are you telling me this?"

"Because she," Callie gestured to Addison's still figure, "doesn't deserve to get hurt again."

"I'm not going to hurt her."

"I hope not, Derek. I really hope not."


End file.
